Chloe sat on her front step, chewing a saltine without quite closing her mouth. “I think the mice have something to do with it,” she said to the boy beside her.
“There aren’t that many, are there?” He looked up at her, dropping the grass he had torn in boredom. “Not enough to warrant an exterminator.” He picked up a red leaf, slowly tearing it along the veins, looking away from Chloe. The grass was littered with these leaves.
”Then give me a better reason,” Chloe responded. “Why else would they give us a day off? They were getting into the cafeteria. I swear.”
“You’re just paranoid.”
“And you’re a dork,” she said, sticking out her tongue. “A looooooser.” Chloe laughed; Ben didn’t.
In the midst of her snicker, she bent over, her lips curling away from her teeth in an unintentional mockery of a smile. “Ow.” She looked back up at Ben. “That really hurt.”
Ben cocked his head. “What?”
“Don’t know. It’s like a cramp or something.” She paused and rubbed her stomach. “It’s mostly gone now, but I’m aching. Let me go get a Tylenol.” Chloe stepped into the house, placing her feet carefully.
While she was inside, a car pulled up in front. Before it was quite stopped, a tall blonde girl jumped out of the passenger side and slammed the door; the car continued on. “Hey, Ben,” she called enthusiastically.
“Hey, Diana.” Ben went back to tearing a new red leaf.
Diana walked down the driveway and across the patch of grass that emulated a lawn, under the one autumn tree that garnished the area. “Where’s Chloe?”
“That’s what it always is, isn’t it?” Ben replied sarcastically. “Whenever Chloe’s not there, everyone asks, ‘Where’s Chloe?’ She’s inside getting a Tylenol.”
“What for?”
“Has a cramp in her stomach or something.” The conversation paused. A branch shifted above them on the area’s single tree; a large black bird alighted on the flimsy branch. Ben and Diana were transfixed. The bird shuddered, causing the branch to spring up and some of the reddening leaves to fall off. A smaller bird on the branch above it flew away, frightened. The black bird’s large beak opened for a moment, but closed without a sound.
The door behind them slammed, and Chloe emerged with a bottle of water in hand. The other two looked at her. “Ew, it’s Diana,” she said with a quick laugh. She paused, looking between Ben and Diana. “Why so quiet?”
They looked up, and the bird was gone. “There was a crow…” Ben said. His words trailed off into an unintelligible murmur.
“Sorry excuse for being fascinated.” Chloe sat down. “Mom said that Dad’s staying in Virginia a few more days. I’d thought he was coming home early from this one.”
“Well, he’ll be home for your birthday, right?” Diana looked at her for an answer.
“Probably.” Chloe sat for a moment. “She made a doctor’s appointment for me. Maybe they can give me something so I don’t get these cramps anymore.”
“What do you think it is?” Diana’s voice was steady.
“Nothing serious,” Chloe responded immediately.
Diana sat down to Ben’s right. They were perched in a row on the wooden step, looking out at the faded black of the road, eyes unfocused. Absentmindedly Ben kicked at an old cigarette butt that lay crushed at the bottom of the steps.
“What if you needed surgery?” he asked suddenly. “What would you do?”
Chloe bent her legs, wrapping herself into a bundle. “It’s a moot point, isn’t it?”
“So what if?” Ben smiled. “Tell me. What if you need surgery and you miss a couple weeks of school?”
She laughed, tone higher than usual. “Then I miss school. They can fix whatever it is.”
“Are you sure?” Ben’s face grew a little more serious. “What if it takes more than one operation?”
Chloe shook her head. “Moot point,” she repeated in a monotone.
“Humor me.” Ben was insistent, although Diana looked at him, warning him to go no further. “Say it was cancer, or something else that’s serious.”
Chloe looked away, beginning a long period where all could be heard was the occasional caw of the crow. Diana looked angrily at Ben; Ben continued to look to Chloe, not paying attention. Finally, Chloe turned back to them, resting her head on her right knee. “I don’t like to talk about things like that,” she said quietly. “It’s like – a feeling I have. Saying something makes it true. Or makes it possible to be true. Whether it is or not, you acknowledge that it could happen.”
Ben shrugged. “It doesn’t mean anything. I thought you knew that.”
Chloe shook her head slowly. “Until the doctor tells me something, I’m not thinking about it.”
Diana began to speak, her voice subdued as well. “If I found out I had something, I’d run out and hug everyone I know.”
“Have them come to you,” Ben said. “You’re the one who’s sick.”
“That sounds so cheesy,” Chloe added with half of a laugh. “It’s probably true, though. You wouldn’t want to miss anybody.”
“Go out and hug my elementary school bus driver,” Diana said, rolling her eyes but laughing. “Everybody. Who knows?”
“What do you think it would be like if any of us died?” Ben asked in the quiet that followed Diana’s revelation.
“No! Not saying it,” Chloe said in response.
“God forbid,” Diana said.
“But what if?” Ben pressed. He looked to both sides of him at the girls who sat silently.
“If you died, Ben, Chloe wouldn’t have anybody to beat up when she was mad at the world,” Diana said, biting back laughter.
Chloe glared at her. “I have a few things to say to that. But I’m holding back this time.”
“You’re learning.” Diana spoke and then looked away, quieting down. The wind brushed against their faces, causing a low hiss in the uncut grass and single tree.
Chloe brushed away the stray hairs from her eyes. “Anyway…”
“What if you found out you were going to die?” Ben asked. “What do you think it would be like for us afterward?”
Diana sighed and thrust her head down, groaning. Chloe raised her eyebrows and shifted. “I remember when my grandmother died,” she said. “At first I didn’t really notice the absence, but then I was about to call her for a recipe for brownies. I picked up the phone and… it was just… odd.”
“I’ll remember that next time I need a box of saltines,” Ben replied.
Diana brought her head up. “Take it more seriously, Ben. You brought it up; stick to the mood.”
“It was so odd,” Chloe repeated, almost oblivious to what was going on. “I had thought…” She looked away, cutting herself off.
“What were you going to say?” Diana asked softly.
“I was going to say I thought I could handle anything. But I never thought that way. I always felt lucky to have both my parents, to have not lost anybody close to me.”
“You take it for granted,” Ben said, glancing away. Chloe and Diana turned to him, surprised at his change in tone. “Nobody can really appreciate what they have until it’s gone. You can say you do. You don’t.”
Diana looked at him, curious. “You haven’t lost anyone, have you?”
“Not yet. It’s bound to happen. I guess it’s the inevitability of it that makes me think.”
“Who knows,” Chloe said, shrugging. “Maybe you’ll never have to deal with it. You might be the one with a license, but you’re not that good a driver.”
“Don’t push it,” he said, turning to her. His eyes seemed wetter than they should have been. Chloe had never seen him cry, but he seemed close now; she stayed quiet. “I’ve never had to deal with it. I don’t want to.”
Diana put an arm around him, sensing an abnormal vibration in his voice. Ben shrugged it off. “I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine. I just… feel very lucky for what I have.”
Something in his voice choked Chloe. She had to look away to fight tears. “Why?” she had to ask.
Ben was quiet, his gaze flicking to Diana. She took the hint. “I’ll be back in a bit,” she said with a sigh that Ben just picked up. “I have to call my mom.” Diana vanished through the screen door.
“I’m sorry,” Ben said immediately after she left. “I just didn’t feel like talking with more than one person here. I’ve known you a lot longer than her.”
Chloe picked up a dead leaf and began to study it. “Why are you so upset?”
“I never had to deal with it. Never. It’s going to happen.” Ben’s voice cracked and he had to wipe his red eyes. “I’ve just had it on my mind lately. Between my mom and my dad and my brother, there’s a lot of people to watch die.”
Tears already stung in Chloe’s eyes. The passion in Ben’s voice was something new to her. “You can’t think about it that way,” she got out, her voice noble enough to pass as comforting. “Your family is still young. Younger than mine.”
“Health-wise? They can’t take care of themselves. They’re not exactly the most health-conscious family in the world.” Ben wiped his eyes again, steadying his breathing. “I feel selfish. It’s just that they’re supposed to be here for me as long as they can.”
Both of them were quiet. The wind picked up again. A crow cawed from around the corner of the house.
Chloe put her arms around Ben’s shoulders and lay her head down. “Nothing is forever,” Ben said, unable to look at her. “They say it, you hear it everywhere. But it’s really true.”
“I wish my father was here,” Chloe said, looking toward the road briefly.
“Why do you want him here?”
Chloe said nothing. She let herself cry on Ben’s shoulder without sobbing. Around them, the wind calmed down.
Diana slowly opened the door behind them; neither of them turned. “I hate to interrupt, but your mom’s waiting in the garage,” she said, businesslike but soft.
Chloe ruffled Ben’s short hair. She smiled with a pink face; her tears had been dried on the cotton of Ben’s shirt. Standing wordlessly, she walked toward the garage.