2001/2 Fanzines - The Highlights (p1)
OUR NEXT OPPONENTS: (I5) Keeper Kevin Pressman (holder of the record for the fastest sending off in English soccer history - a mere 13 seconds!) once stated, when Wednesday were being humiliated in the Premiership, rather than the lower reaches of D1, `It is embarrassing for me and the lads to walk around Sheffield when we are not doing our jobs properly.' It's rumoured that he now has a holiday home in Sheffield, and commutes every day from Iceland .... The `1988 World Gurning Champion' Mark McGhee recently revealed that he had not returned to said team [Leicester] since walking out on them a few seasons ago - though might be forced into doing so next season should Millwall stay down, and LC take their rightful place in D1! .... (I4) Should there be anything more than a slight breeeze on the day [v Gillingham], CCFC players are advised to stay away from Perpetuini, who proved earlier in the season that the ability to stand up is not on his CV .... (I3) Birmingham are desparately seeking a new manager, as - for the moment at least - the team is left in the unsafe hands of Mick Mills (The `Gary Pendrey' of Highfield Road before Gary Pendrey was!) .... The man [Summerbee] whose savage tackle ended the career of an England international, who had the best years of his career still ahead of him, will (probably) be watching from the stands while that arsehole continues to earn a ridiculous wage (and isn't now going to be prosecuted, despite there being 20,000 people willing to give evidence)..... (I2) Prince Naseem Hamed was recently asked if he wanted to invest in Sheffield Wednesday, but declined the offer as he had nothing smaller than �10 note in his pocket .... With Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink in their side, the chance of winning every match one-nil from a dubious penalty is always on the cards..... (I1) Boss David Jones recently denied that there is a drink problem at Molineux, saying that thankfully there are always well-stocked bars for the players to get alcohol from .... Spencer Prior chose Cardiff, accepting the challenge of getting Cardiff promoted to Division One and being contractually obligated to eat sheep's knackers, rather than trying to get MC back into the Premiership ....
THEY SAID IT: (I5) `THERE'S NOT AS MUCH QUALITY IN THE TEAM AS I THOUGHT, SO IT HAS PROVEN DIFFICULT. I'M NOT SAYING THE TEAM IS USELESS' - Leicester manager Dave `Harry' Bassett. You don't need to, we already know .... `I LIKE A WOMAN WITH BOLLOCKS' - Philip Cocu, wishing the finals were being held in Thailand .... `IN MY CAREER I HONESTLY CAN'T REMEMBER ANYONE THAT IS SO FAST AND STRONG AS HESKEY' - Frank De Boer. Obviously never played against Graham Withey .... (I4) `I HOPE TO HAVE A 20-GOALS A SEASON STRIKER IN BY THE WEEKEND' - Carlton Palmer, after becoming Stockport manager. Maybe a 20-goals per season team would be a more realistic aim .... `GOALS ARE THE THINGS THAT MATTER BECAUSE THE DEFENDERS ARE NOT THAT CLEVER IN THIS LEAGUE' - Jim Smith. So what does that make CCFC forwards after their return so far?!?! .... (I3) IT WOULD BE AN HONOUR TO MANAGE A TOP COUNTRY LIKE SCOTLAND - Faroe Islands coach Allan Simonsen. Not quite perfected the English language yet, mistakenly using the word `like' instead of `or' .... I AM NOT A PLAYER WHO IS PREPARED TO SIT ON THE BENCH - Sander Westerweld. Not something he has to worry about, as Chris Kirkland has that honour.... (I2) I'M RELIEVED ABOVE ALL TO HAVE FINISHED WITH SO-CALLED ENGLISH FAIR PLAY. IT'S A UTOPIA. THEY CONFUSE FIGHTING SPIRIT WITH VIOLENCE. THE FAULT DOES NOT LIE WITH THE SUPPORTERS, BUT CERTAIN YOUNGER PLAYERS WHO TAKE THEMSELVES FOR COWBOYS - Emmanuel Petit, on leaving Arsenal for Spain - before returning to England 12 months later! .... (I1) I DON'T KNOW IF KEVIN KEEGAN HAD ME IN HIS PLANS AT ALL, BUT I REMOVED THE OPPORTUNITY FOR HIM TO GIVE ME A CALL WITH JUST A FEW SILLY SENTENCES - Paul Merson. One of them being, `Hi Kev! I've just joined the Villa' .... I'M REALLY CLOSE TO SIGNING A DEAL WITH A VERY GOOD PREMIERSHIP CLUB. I FEEL THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD MOVE FOR MY CAREER - Magnus Hedman [Summer 2001], speaking to Swedish newspaper Expressen. Funny, most CCFC supporters thought he was going to Everton ....
SOUNDS OFF: (I5) Please can somebody tell me the point of ITV news commenting on matches after the final whistle on Saturdays, then - as they are unable to show the goals (for fear of spoiling `The Premiership' later on) - going around the grounds to show opposing teams shaking hands? .... (I4) Why are the CCFC fans that were involved in the trouble versus Portsmouth being hunted? Answer: Erm .... there is no acceptable answer. Question 2: Who started the trouble? Answer 2: Those bloody Pompey fans, that's who! Question 3: Was there ANY provocation at all from CCFC's fans? Answer 3: No there bloody wasn't! Question 4: Which set of supporters failed to respond until it was absolutely necessary? Answer 4: CCFC's supporters, who showed amazing restraint in the face of a moronic, trouble-making element, who were hell-bent on making sure it `kicked-off' (A moronic element that caused trouble the second they got off the train, trashed a city centre pub, and were then given a lift to the ground as a reward!) .... (I3) What the f*** is Alex Ferguson playing at? How can a team that includes Veron, Keane, Beckham, Soljskaer, Van Nistelroy, Giggs, etc. make such a f*** up of trying to retain a title? And qualify in Europe too? And how can he throw a wobbler and refuse to talk to the press when they dare to mention it? I predicted Laurent Blanc would cost them the title, and look like being proved correct, and with Coco The Clown behind him .... cancel that order for Silver polish! Most people think it's Bobby Robson thats losing his marbles - I think he's not alone .... (I2) What is the point of the Premiership? With most title contenders having ruled themselves out before a ball has even been kicked (Chelsea and Liverpool to name but two....), you wonder why most teams bother to turn up .... (I1) CCFC seem to think like a big club, and at times actually `do' like a big club, but .... As you read this you should be sitting in a state-of-the-art stadium (unless you are a subscriber, and have had this sent to your door!) that should be the envy of most clubs in Europe, watching quality players play quality football, in the Premiership! Instead, we are rumoured to be anywhere between 20 to 40 million pounds in debt, still at Highfield Road, the gas tower still stands on the site of our new ground, and so far we have spent over �10 million clearing the site, only to find that a second stage of decontaminating is needed, at a further cost of �15 million!
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