2001/2 Fanzines - The Highlights (p2)
(UN)INTERESTING FACTS: (I5) Chrysler cars sponsored Scotland's World Cup efforts in the 1978 finals. The tag-line used was `The Team Of Winners', and was pulled at half-time during the Peru v Scotland match, which they finally lost 3-1 .... Several reports contradict an Italian sociologists claim that hooliganism was an unknown problem before the 1970s when Italian youths began imitating the British. In 1920 police had to intervene to quell fighting between opposing fans. The referee in charge was killed .... (I4) [Jim] Smith is one day younger than Cliff Richard .... Among the light statistic-based reading provided by the website of the Irish Prisons Service, is the following fact: `87% of all sentenced prisoners are Manchester United fans .... Former captain of the Iranian national team Habib Khabiri was executed for terrorist activities - roughly at the same time as his soccer career ended.... (I3) Their [Grimsby's] most famous striker, Stanley Anthrobus-Carbuncle used to carry a fresh fish in his jock-strap on matchdays, believing it would bring him luck .... (I2) The most capped player in Rotherham's history is Bermudan international, Shaun Goater (now at Man. City), who is so revered in his homeland that not they have an annual Shaun Goater day public holiday .... (I1) In 1975 George Best signed for Stockport, and the first game he played in saw the gates go up 330% ....
BRIEFS: Dave Bassett's wife recently revealed how becoming manager of Leicester has helped them save a few quid each month. She said that when his side win he cannot wait to get the papers the next day. It's been a long time since the paper-boy strained his back delivering to their house .... The recent `impossible maths question' that stumped students sitting exams has been revealed - they were given copies of CCFC's accounts and asked to make them add up (Not that I'm alleging anything) .... There was embarrassment in the Craig Brown household recently. Somebody in his house passed a message onto him that he had received a phone-call, asking if he would like to coach Saudi Arabia in next summers World Cup finals. Unfortunately what the caller actually said was `would you like to drive the Saudi team coach in the finals next summer .... Boffins worked outh that David Beckham ran roughly 10 kilometres throughout the entire 90 minutes of the England versus Greece game, and he still never managed to get on the end of a Paul Scholes pass ....
CCFC - THE SEASON SO FAR: Following the success of the TV show `Touch The Truck', TV bosses are looking at a similar show based on CCFC's end of season - the working title is: `Touching Cloth' .... BR denies that he's to replace the players squad numbers with price tags .... RN promises Norwich a `rough ride' on the Saturday of their match versus CCFC. Having seen no evidence of it on the pitch, it is presumed he let the tyres down on their team bus .... Having been fired/walked away/whatever from the CCFC managers job, Gordon Strachan is installed as one of the favourite for the vacant Scotland job. Paul Telfer is immediately seen shopping for a kilt, while Paul Williams desparately searches for a Scottish relative .... Alex Ferguson is put on the panel that is to decide who the next Scotland boss is to be. Gordon Strachan cancels plans to move back north of the border, Paul Telfer seeks a refund on his kilt, and Paul Williams considers playing for Jamaica again .... CCFC introduce `kids for a quid' at Highfield Road, though it's not the same scheme as most clubs have introduced as far as letting them into the ground - this is the wages on offer to youngsters signing contracts with the penniless club .... Having claimed that his Sunderland side were two players away from a serious assault on the Premiership title, then spent the summer trying to sign a goalkeeper who was 2.44 metres tall and 7.32 metres wide, Peter Reid was disappointed to see CCFC sign the nearest thing - Andy Goram .... With GS gone, and everybody in CCFC's squad being given a fair chance to stake their claim for a place in the team, Roland Nilsson says it's like having twenty-two new players being able to include those that fell out with GS .... Craig Bellamy was declared unfit to play soccer (for Wales) - those who think we wasted �5million insert your own joke here .... GS's threat to sign Warren Barton from Newcastle has the desired effect, as Roland Nilsson reverses his decision to retire .... Pie-sellers in the area, who were forced to lay off staff when John Hartson joined Celtic, were optimistic about re-hiring their former staff when it was revealed that Andy Goram was linked with a move to Highfield Road ....
OTHER STUFF:
FROM `SELLING GOALS TO NEWCASTLE' (I1): The Magpies have swooped to land Craig Bellamy from Coventry City in a �6million deal. Manager Booby Robson said today, `I've been a fan of Craig David for a long time now, and was upset that he chose to sign for Coventry last season rather than join us. We've waited patiently and watched him blossom as a player and a man, and we are getting a bargain with Paul.'
Bellamy said `I'm delighted with the move. I've always liked playing in stripes; when I was a boy I had a Southampton shirt, and I always scored loads of goals when I wore that. Things like the design of a shirt are critical when it comes to the art of goal scoring. The money's great an' all. I'm getting a tenner for every goal that I score, so I should be able to take the missus to a Happy Eater next April and treat her. She might have to buy her own pudding, mind.'
FROM `ON THE FRINGE' (I2): YSRAEL ZUNIGA - Nicknamed `ZZ' Zuniga by his teammates after frequently falling asleep on the subs bench following long treks across the world, and won the award for the `most air miles collected by any player in the Premiership' last season. A place on the bench was normally as much as he managed under GS's leadership, and was usually brought on when it was to late anyway. Could be a real favourite at HFR, if only he could fit us in between trips to Peru....
FROM `TODAY'S ESSENTIAL TV HIGHLIGHTS' (I3): 4.30 - The Clangers. A look back at Fabien Barthez's season so far. 7.30 - Bargain Hunt - Brian Richardson sends his team of scouts out to search for a few more unknowns in the back of beyond (with his scouts usually seated next to somebody from Southampton or Derby on the plane out). 9.00 - Have I Got News For You. Poor old Gordon Strachan thinks he'll be starting the new season with John Hartson, Chris Kirkland and one or three others amongst his squad - but his chairman has other ideas. 11.00 - The Big Sleep (Film). A 90 minute look back at Aston Villa's 2000-1 Premiership campaign.
FROM THE `SKY BLUES SURVEY' (I4): How do you think admission prices should be decided? (a) Fans should be charged a flat rate for matches in advance, as they are currently; (b) Fans should be charged on their way out of the ground depending on the quality of the match they have just seen; (c) Fans should be charged per CCFC shot on goal - which currently works out at about �60 a time. Have you - as the chairman said he would - enjoyed visiting `new grounds' this season, thanks to last seasons relegation? (a) Oh yes, it's been a real blast. If only we'd done it sooner. Grimsby in December - joy of joys. (b) No, not at all. (c) Of course not! What a stupid f***ing question! What kind of dick-wit would? The Premiership is the ONLY place to be....
FROM `CR*P IDOLS' (I5): No. 2: CRAIG BELLAMY: Well, he might have improved on the pitch (Though performing worse than he did last season was always going to be a challenge....), but off the pitch he still a knob. This season he's been sent home early from a mid-season break in Spain, plus cautioned for an assault on a 21-year-old female (Cautions ON the pitch for the mouthy Welsh gob-sh*te are also the norm....). And when he's not shaming Newcastle United FC, he's bad-mouthing CCFC instead. Tw*t....
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