jokes2.page

MY DOG SEX

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy".
I call my dog "Sex".

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to get his license, I told the clerk
I would like to have a license for Sex. He said,
"I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this
is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked
like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had
Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been
quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon,
I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk
that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a
special room for Sex. He said that every room in
the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand,
Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the
competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant
asked me why I was just standing there looking around.
I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the
contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets.
"But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to
have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file
for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had
Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me.
He said, "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around
town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are
you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said,
"I'm looking for Sex..."

My case comes up on Friday...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bar of soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how ...?)

On a bag of Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But its "just" a suggestion)

On packaging for a iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!)

On some sleep aid medicine:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)

On Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day . . .)

On peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)

On Children's Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery"
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On an Airlines' packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God!)

send us your joke if we like it you may see it here.

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for
dinner.This is to be her first time meeting the family
and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The
woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks
to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with
no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit
and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone
at the table heard the poof.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her
boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been
snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern
voice, Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile
came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel
the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She
let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again
looked and the dog and yelled, "Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a
fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the
dog with disgust and yelled,

"Skippy, get away from her before she poo's on you!"

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that
she and her sister owned the store,so there were no males employed there.
She then asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable
discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that
she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could
be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I
have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe
embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister." When she
returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can
do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living
expenses".

What Religion Is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department
of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the
woman behind the counter and said,
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There is
more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady,
as she showed a sea of bras in every shape
, size, color and material imaginable.
Actually, even with all of this variety,
there are really only four types of bras to choose from."

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army
, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?"

Now befuddled, the man asked
about the differences between them.

The saleslady responded,
"It is all really quite simple.
The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch
and upright, and the Baptist
makes mountains out of mole hills."