But I�m back on the Island. I don�t get it. I thought I was on another island, rescuing Jeff and Amy� There, they�re sitting over there. By a nice roaring fire, scared, tired but at least not alone. No alone like I feel now, like I�ve felt it seems forever.
I get up and move closer to the fire and start to rub my hands over it to get them warm. �Well, we put you in the canoe and took it back here after you, after you, well you know... I figured that you were just horrified and in shock because there wasn�t much blood and that had to be it. But gosh Meredith, why�d you do that anyway�?� Although Jeff seems to want an answer I don�t think I can give him one he�d want.
I don�t answer him. I just lay back down but closer to the fire. I�m so worn out. �Good night.� I fall back into the darkness yet before long I feel myself going to another time and place strange and yet familiar like I was there before�
I am standing in a field. A field I know already. There are others here I sense. I see a girl standing there. Defiant she curses and then I see the man standing there across from her. I see her more clearly for a second. Wait a minute she�s me. And there off in the bushes to the side is Tyler ready to get me. �No� Meredith� No�� I manage to choke out but it�s already to late. He has the hood over my face and I hear myself scream and the person I am in this dream curse.
The man I/she was standing up to pulls out his gun. Bang. I see blood trickle down Bill�s forehead as he collapses to the ground. Bang. Brittany screams and I see one of her friends fall down. Bang. Brittany moves to Bill�s side and now their other companion falls. Tears stream down my face uncontrollably. Bang. Brittany now also falls. Bang. He shoots her again I guess for good measure.
�I told you I�d get you today.� He aims at me. I run away. The ground flies below my feet. I hear him shooting but I keep on running� Five, six, seven shots are fired maybe but I don�t keep count. I just keep running, loping along at the fastest speed I can. Suddenly my calf is on fire and I nearly fall over. A root jumps up and I do fall. My hand sears in pain as a rock cuts it. The pain is just too much�
I wake up screaming. My hand is on fire. I rolled over too close and the flames of the dying fire licked my hand. �Whoa, Meredith are you okay?� I can�t answer him as the pain is too much for the moment. Eventually I catch my breath, slow my heartbeat and realize where I am. On the Island and not in that clearing. �Sure,� I manage to eventually shakily spit out. It�s a lie and I know that he knows that too but he doesn�t act like he realizes it. � Alright. Go back to sleep now, okay?�
�I will, don�t worry. Sleep well too!� I roll over, now very far from the fire but I don�t plan to go back to sleep. Brad. Brad�s alive somehow. That dream is way too real. Barely I fear, but still alive. I feel it. He�s not dead, but in a lot of pain. As if in answer I look up to the stars and a glowing red meteor falls in the direction of the clearing where I last knew him to be.
In the morning we have to go. I hope I can cast off the bandage on my wrist. I hope these burns will fade away. I can�t believe that it happened, that I lost all control and was giving it up. I keep staring at the stars and can�t fall back to sleep. When the pink ambiance first breaks the darkness of the night sky I build up the fire and begin to cook a breakfast packet and put everything I can in the pack. We need to find Brad as soon as possible.
Jeff and Amy wake up and look at me weirdly. I explain to them that we should go look for Brad as soon as possible. So after breakfast we paddle across the misty lake. We have everything with us. The loons call across the water to each other and I see them at the edge of the haze, swimming together. We beach the canoe where Tyler and Mike did only a short time ago.
I jump out and practically levitate above the ground as I get into the clearing. The tents are still set up. The fire�s burned down to cold ashes. My bowl with oatmeal is still there, spoon and everything. It�s as if the moment is forever frozen like this. That awful moment when Mike came back.
Thunder rumbles in the distance the air smells like rain. �Come on,� I say and lead Jeff and Amy to the tents. We go inside just as the rain starts. It�s a nice big tent and there are two sleeping bags spread out. I lay down on one of them. Jeff does too but Amy just sits there looking out the screen of the door as the rain falls down. �I guess the rain will wash away the blood maybe.� She shocks me by saying that. I am about to ask her what blood but then she says, �Those four bodies there, all laying by each other, spread out it seems after their death� maybe the rain will wash away all the awful blood on them. Are they the people you met here that saved your life?� I mage to iterate back �Yes,� somehow. But soon after that I lay back down and find myself slipping away to another dark night far, far away.
I feel sadness and disappointment on my heart like I see it all around me. So many people are crying and hugging each other. It happened again this year like it always has before, we are denied something we feel we deserve. So many people are hugging each other, trying to stop their crying. I get drawn up into a lot of it. So many familiar faces, and I know right now they�re all so far away. Gone and graduated now, well maybe not a few of them but mainly all are gone and far away from where I call home even though I�m far from there myself. Oh well. But these faces aren�t it. No there�s someone else that I haven�t seen yet. I walk around and find myself approach someone I thought of as friend, maybe a relatively close friend. Doesn�t Matter what he was, I shouldn�t have done what I did next, or at least not let it affect me so much.
I try to stop myself or to at leas wake up but it seems that I have no control. I walk over to him. We hug. I choke out, �We did the best we could.� I squeeze a little tighter. At that same instant he decides to kiss me on the cheek. Eventually I let go. Then I look into his eyes. Wait those aren�t the right eyes. �Ha-ha-ha. It seems my precious is free now. But I shall forever rule you. You�ll never escape. You have no control. Suddenly he disappears along with the buses, the truck, the other people, and the dark parking lot. The ground itself is gone from beneath my feet. I�m falling, flying in the nothingness. Out of control I am spinning around and suddenly someone grabs my shoulder and I stop.
�Meredith, Meredith wake up. It�s only a dream. You are not I repeat not at Carmel again now. You�re up here in the middle of the wilderness remember?� I sit up. I�m back in the tent, no longer falling and not in a cloud of emptiness. �You�re scaring me. Your face was turned so white I thought you were dead. Relax. Just breathe. Please get better��
I take a few deep breaths. �I�m fine now. Yeah it�s just a dream. I should go back to sleep. However, I fear I can�t. Too crazy of a dream and it was just too real. And with too much other stuff on my mind I just know I can�t��
I get up and leave the tent. Jeff almost tries to stop me but then doesn�t. He probably would have been able to though, I feel so weak. The world is spinning around me as I feel myself getting cold. It�s snowing very lightly now. I look across the clearing. The mood is gleaming through the mist there. There�s a pack of wolves there.
A chill goes down my spine before I can stop myself and I shiver. Thinking logically, these wolves aren�t a threat to me since they appear to be healthy and I feel that I am relatively. I�m not injured physically much at least. I find myself drawn to them though, and walk across the clearing toward them. Their leader seems to be the one in the middle, staring at me. I think he�s ascertaining if I�m a threat, friend or foe, food or fiend. He�s a big black wolf with a ruffling mane around his neck. His eyes flash at me. They are blue, a brilliant blue reminding me of the sky.
He�s also moving toward me now. I find myself locked onto his eyes. He�s sitting on a rock now. His eyes are almost defiant as he looks at me and it seems forever that we are staring at each other in the eye. Yet though there�s the bold look in his eyes, there also seem to be pain too. The snow falls more now and swirls around us.
Suddenly he throws back his head. A chorus of howls echo, mine included. The mournfulness brings tears to my eyes. All of the sadness in my life is contributing to the waterfall streaming down. I manage to stop them for a moment and then I notice something about my new companion. There are porcupine quills jabbed into his front paw.
Cautiously I reach out and very gingerly I place his injured paw in my hand. He flinches but doesn�t retaliate or threaten me. He whines, his eyes begging as if all the hard years he has experienced melted away in an instant and puppy-hood was reclaimed by him. Their blueness isn�t frightening to me, even though too many pairs of blue eyes are haunting me now. I look away from his face and my attention instead goes to his paw. The quills have not yet worked their hurt as bad as they possible could if left in.
Constantly gauging his reaction, I grab the end of one of the quills and slowly work it out. He snaps at my hand the last second but I guessed this would happen too fast for him to actually bite me. He came very close though. He whines with his pleading eyes and I work another one out, then another and keep going. They�re all gone now.
He licks his pay then turns around and lopes off, leading the pack off into the early morning mist, as I hear the birds begin to chirp. There is only a little dusting of snow in random places; the forest floor is still visible. However there is definitely a change in the air. Now the fall has passed and winter is come over the lake-land of the North.
Just as I think that the wolves are gone, he reappears in all his ebony glory back through the haze. He looks at me, asking me to follow him. He howls. The pack joins in. I pause, looking back to where Jeff and Amy are. I hesitate. I don�t want to desert them, yet it seems as if this is the path I am destined to follow. Then I let my legs follow where they are being pulled and sprint off after them.
I run softly and swiftly, sensing everything as if I am one of them. The owl flying above has the sound of a thunderstorm with its wing beats. I smell the scents of winter, the stores of nuts in hollow trees, the dens underneath their roots. But, there is also something more stirring that I sense. I jump over a root, one just high enough to be a problem yet I didn�t even see it. I stop. The dream flashes before me. There is the rock.
I can smell something. Blood. It�s blood, Brad�s blood. This is where he ran from Mark. The wolves are still going, but in a different direction from the blood smell goes. I watch them go off, leaving me alone, standing there, smelling the trail I need to follow. I follow it a little, it seems to be going roughly in a circle back to the camp if I have any sense of direction left.
A breeze comes from the camp. Smoke. Jeff must have started a fire. Daylight has come and I haven�t consciously noticed it until this moment. I look up. Thoughts are racing through my mind, like it must be breakfast back there, they probably slept pretty well. I haven�t had any sleep tonight at all� I decide to stop following the blood trail. It would be more direct to just follow the smoke back instead of his staggering steps. I hope they haven�t become too worried about me.
�Hey� I say to them when I get there. I can see Amy and Jeff are relieved that I am back and safe. They ask me what I was doing all night. �I had to run,� That is all the answer I give to them. Jeff looks at me funny and Amy shrugs and points to the bowl of oatmeal she saved for me. �Sorry, it�s not all that warm still but it is rather late.� Suddenly my appetite comes back. I wolf down the bowl, calming my voracious hunger.
A branch snaps off to the left. I turn my head quickly and scan the trees, looking for the sound. After a few moments, I see some movement. It's someone stumbling towards me. Hope gushes up in my heart as I run towards him. It is! It's Brad! He's alive, but his hand is bleeding, as well as a wound from his leg. He smiles slightly and then collapses as I reach him. His heart has almost stopped.
As I catch him, I sigh with relief. I hear a howl in the distance. Silently, I thank the wolves for all that they have done. The snow starts to fall thickly and the sky is almost black though it is the middle of the day. Even with all of this gloominess around me, I haven�t been this happy in a long time, a very long time. I carry Brad�s weak body to the tent and put him in the sleeping bag. Then I go back to the fire and sit by Jeff and Amy, trying to keep awake.
We all sit there in silence. The flames flicker. Their orange and right light makes the trees look strange. My mind keeps me alert with thoughts of Brad and the wolves. I wonder why the wolves came to the clearing last night, why are my senses stronger and more sensitive now. Amy and Jeff decide to go for a walk in the woods to clear their minds. I wonder why I don�t go toward the tent and Brad.
I stop thinking. I act on reflexes. I get up. I walk to the clearing again. I find my feet sure footed and that I�m walking to the Rock where just a little while ago my absent friend was. Before I get there, I see a little red spot on the Rock. I wonder what it is before I get there. When I do, I see that it is a cardinal feather, where is he now?
The loons and ducks and geese and herons and most birds are gone. Yet a little cardinal is sitting there. Chirping away, his bright red plumage is a stark contrast against the snow-covered evergreen he sits upon. I am not close to him by any measure, yet I know everything about him that there is to know. He�s alone, the only one for miles. He feels lonely and calls out, trying to contact others that are not there. Futilely, his cries are lost to an empty forest, void of others of his kind.
His call mournfully goes on. I can almost see him hop to the next branch before he does. His moves are predictable. I am omniscient of him. I know he is ready to fly, to give up this useless attempt to contact those that aren�t there. He flies south, to join the others of his kind. It was no shock when he took off and the glorious wings beat and he soars off into the rising sun.
However, I am shocked when a hand suddenly grabs me on the shoulder. I cringe and turn around just in time for Brad to hug me. Crying, we stand there for a long time. I close my eyes but it cannot stop the downpour of my tears. �Please, Meredith, don�t cry. It makes me want to cry even more�� I can�t obey those words at first, but I try to the best of my ability. The deluge slows to a mere trickle. �It�s okay now.� The tears stop but I don�t want to open my eyes. When I do I�ll have to face this awful reality of being stuck in the woods up here in Minnesota.
Just as I�m about to open them and let go, something happens that takes me aback. Gentle lips touch mine. At first I�m too stunned and just stand there unmoving. Then my heart races and I cringe and pull away. My eyes snap open and I find myself looking into Brad�s questioning eyes. I feel him searching mine for an explanation but if there is one, I wish I knew it. Even though I know I trust him, I don�t know why I flinched. I wish I could apologize but the lump in my throat is just too big to swallow.
It seems as if forever and a day passes as we stare into each other�s stoic eyes. The wind rustles through the trees. The lake laps the shore nearby. Then I hear a howl in the distance behind me. I turn to it, breaking out stalemate. �Come on, let�s go back to Jeff and Amy by the fire.� I obey him and I walk, turning around and looking at the rock again.
He still has his arm around me. It surprises me that it is now a comfort, not a threat. The wolf is answering the call of man, the call of civilization. The untamed part of me is shrinking. �I�m sorry.� I utter the words at the same instant he does. Then the silence is so awkward between us. I look into his eyes and see the goodness beneath their outer layer. Sure he�s not perfect, but no one is. I am not afraid now. I wrap my arms around him and we kiss. This time I have no suspicions; I feel safe and secure and that in his arms is where I belong.