(8/10/00) Entry #58 I have donned the nickname "Sideburns". It's kinda cool that the new kid gets a nickname (that isn't derogatory) after being there for only 4 days. We're gonna try and get it spread over the whole band, and hopefully it'll catch on during the school year. It might sound kinda dorky, but it'll get me known. My friend brant has a nickname, it's Q. Dont ask me how he got it, but I'm gonna find out. Ummm...not much happened that hasn't happened every other day. I got a ride home from my friend Mandy. She's got a nice camaro. Our second phone line is dead for some shitty reason unknown to me. Read the funny story. It's not done, but it's funny. Go read.
(8/12/00) Entry #59 Yesterday was a big roller coaster ride. I had a lot of fun at band camp, and I come home and my spirits were dropped on the floor. I don't want to talk about it though. There are some things that are too personal to put in this journal. Yes, I have been pretty candid about many things, but this is crossing the line. Today was a good day. I slept for much needed 12 hours and then went out for a lot of the day. Me and my mom went to the Home Depot then we went to Franklin Park Mall for some back to school shopping. Then we got Taco Bell for dinner. That was good, as usualy. Taco Bell gives you a lot of stuff for your money. That was pretty much my day. Cya.
(8/15/00) Entry #60 Sixty! Wow! I'm gettin up there in my old age. I don't feel like writing. Okay, it's later. I feel like writing now. I found an old camera that I have had for a long time that used to belong to my grandpa. Actually, its not that old. Maybe 13 years old or so. It's okay, I know how to use it. One bad thing about it is that it has manual focus. But I know how to do it. So it's all good. Anyway, about the camera...I was looking for it cuz I wanted to take a picture of something and use up the film cuz it's like a year old. Then I got the crazy idea to take pictures of myself. They are really messed up. I have one of me in my trunk, another one of me acting drunk with an wine box, another one of me getting shot by an arrow and another one of me sticking my fingers in the fan like a little kid. There are more that I don't remember. The roll isn't done yet. They will be posted once they get developed. It's messed, but I was really bored. It'll be on the list page.
(8/16/00) Entry #61 I took the film into the grocery store to be developed today. But the pics won't be up until the end of August because I am going to Myrtle Beach tomorrow and I'll be getting back like on the 28th or something. I hope they come out alright. They are funny. Umm...I did nothing today. Got my school and band pictures taken. And had some band practice. That was it. I had a boring day. Blah.
(8/17/00) Entry #62 Today was a hilarious day at band. It was drizzling hard. We have to do this thing in band where we kick our legs like the rockettes. Well, since the field was slippery, I told the guys to fall down on the fourth kick. They said they would, but I knew they weren't...but i did it anway. It looked genuinely real when I fell too. One of the directors came running over and started busting up laughing cuz she thought it was real. She knows I'm a jokester. I'm the "band class clown" I guess. It's so funny. People get to know me for the crazy things I do. Since it was raining, the staff took the woodwind instruments inside. There is one part when we are supposed to do a dance, and then we stand there and play the rest of the song. Well, after the dance, I didn't have an instrument...so I pretended to gallop on my "horse" and galopped across the field. It was really funny. Then inside I was nuts too. There is a drum break and at the end, the percussions yells, "1! 2! 3! 4!" and then the song continues. Well, during that part, I stood up on my chair and yelled it at the top of my lungs. Then on our last song, the director told us to stand up. So during the whole song, I was turning around in circles. It was hilarious. It was a great rainy day.
(8/29/00) Entry #63 Hello all. I am back from my long vacation. No need to fear, sideburns is here! We did a lot of stuff. Thursday and friday were the best days for boogie boarding. The first day we went to the beach, I got stung by a jelly fish. My stupid camera didn't work...so I have to do the pictures over again. I don't know what to write. Bye.
(8/30/00) Entry #64 Today I started school. I got a lot of heavy books. It was a pretty cool day though. I've got all cool teachers. But I'm not so sure about my Algebra II teacher though...she seems quite sexist. She seems quite negative towards the boys in the class. But a lot of the guys are meathead football players. I hardly remember ANYTHING from last year. We did some Algebra in Geometry, but i'm lost with most of it. It's crazy. But all in all, i had a good day.
(8/31/00) Entry #64 I don't feel like talking about school. But I will talk about band practice that we have thursdays...like today. Today before band, I went to my friend Spuds house with Steve and Eric. Then we went to band. Crap, i gotta go...quick...I chased seagulls and I spun in circles while standing still. Bye.
(9/5/00) Entry #65 Well, today was the first day of Auditions for Perrysburgs Fall play, "The Foreigners". Tomorrow is the second day. I don't have to audition tomorrow cuz I did today. There were hardly any people there today. But I heard there were a lot more people trying out tomorrow. I wanna stay to watch my competition but I don't feel like staying after school again tomorrow. But if the "competition" is anything like today. I'm guaranteed a role in this play. So far today, I wasn't OVERLY impressed. Some people had some things that the director was looking for in terms of motivation etc, but they were lacking others. I felt that I had the components that he was looking for. I don't know. We'll see. I could actually care less if I got the lead in this play, but I'd like to have the lead in the musical. But there is a lot tougher competition for that. I met one today. He's a good singer, but he's not a good actor. So he's kinda in the middle. I don't know. But that's far from now. We'll see how things are when the springtime comes. He said he's been singing since like 1st grade, but he can't act. He was the policeman in Bye Bye Birdie. I have no idea how good or bad of a part that is cuz I've never seen bye bye birdie. I just know that about every High School in America does that play. I'm serious. I hear about every school doing it. Well, I'm gonna go cuz Spud is gonna be here soon to pick me up and we're going to Mitrick's house. Later!
(9/7/00) Entry #66 Today, was an easy day. Normal as usual. I went to check the drama board for casting call, but Mr. Gentry, the drama coach, decided to do call backs. I was one of the fourtunate ones to be called back!! So, I had to read the part that I tried out for, AND a part that I didn't try out for, but had read over quite a bit, AND a cold reading. A cold reading is when you are given a part to do and you have a minute to read over it and then act it out the best you can with that time. Then you have to go up on stage and do your best. I think I did pretty good on that. It was nerve wracking though. But it's all part of auditioning. I love it. That's all!
(9/10/00) Entry #67 Hey all. It's 12:15 am, so it just turned sept. 10th 15 min ago. wowweeeee!! I went out with a bunch of friends tonight. It was great funism. I'm not going to go in depth with it, but I just want to make it clear that I didn't smoke weed. I don't smoke weed anymore. I haven't done it for almost 4 months and I"m proud of myself. Sanity never came my way- phish. I'm not all with it. It's late. I think I might be getting tired. I was a dancing fool tonight. It was great fun. I was dancing and making up raps and junk like that. It was really funny. I think I'm gonna go now.....right................now!
(9/15/00) Entry #68 Hey everyone. The past few days I just haven't felt like updating my journal. I still don't.
(9/23/00) Entry #69(hehe) Sorry that I haven't updated the journal for a while. My life has been absorbed in play practice and band (a little). Play practice is my life every day monday-thursday from 2:45-5:00pm. It's consuming, but very fun. I really don't think that my life could get much better than this. I've got the lead in the play, I just got voted the newest Junior Representative of the marching band cuz the other one moved away, I am more popular, have more friends, and am having more fun than I ever have in my life. My life has been recreated the way I wanted it to here in Ohio. Here in Ohio, no one knew me, so I was able to make a new first impression on everyone. And my life has been next to perfect. The only way it could be better is if Heather were here with me. But that can't happen and we've learned to live with that. Even though life is great out here, I am 92% sure that I am coming back east to go to college. People are always asking me where I am going to go to college, and I've always been saying Drexel since my freshman year. It's in philly. I also might look into F&M, but I don't know. That's a harder school. Well, that's 2 years from now. I've got time. Night all!
(9/27/00) Entry #70 As the month of September draws to a close, let's hearken back on the month of events, shall we? I dont know why I'm doing this, it just came to me. Ok, beginning of september: School had just begun, I had about 7 friends. Things were going alright...I found a lunch table, my biggest hurdle to cross. I got the lead in the play. I was making friends at an exponential rate. So many people knew me and I had no idea who they were. Mid September: settling into the flow of things. Still more friends piling on...not as many before. Business has been slowing down haha. But still, tons of friends...can't count them. Having a great year. This funny girl Allison began talking to me in chorus. She's funny as hell. We laugh and joke all the time. And she's a great friend. I'm glad I found someone at this school to talk about things with. Ending of september: I get voted new Junior Representative of the marching band. Life could not be better. Except today...today wasn't the best day. I was in a mood in the morning, and I don't know why. I was being pissy towards people for no apparent reason. Then at play practice, we began doing run-throughs without scripts. I'm never good at that. Oh well...and I leave you with a thought to ponder: Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. -William Shakespeare.
(9/28/00) Entry #71 Today was interesting. I went commando to school today. Yup! "I'm frrreeee! Freeee balllliinnn!!!" Yup! It was funny cuz i'd go up to people real close and say "the only thing between me and you are my pants!" ...and they'd begin to move away. It was funny. There wasn't really any reason for it, except that I said that I'd do it two days ago at lunch, then I forgot to the next day. So I did it today. It was interesting...and quite comfortable I must say. But I won't pull an Ian Commins and Mark Oellig (you PHS people dont know who they are) and do it for like 2 months straight. I'm not that weird. My mom'll wonder why there aren't any boxers in the laundry. Today was a better day at play practice, I knew my lines better. I know the second act better than the first. Then after that, I had a band officers meeting where we talked about stuff, and then I had frigid band practice. And then I came home and ate dinner, and then updated my journal. And now we are to the present. <--That was written in the past! Bye! I leave you with another quote to ponder: "To the world you are one person; but to the one person, you are the world" -Taylor Hanson
(10/7/00) Entry #72 Sorry Sorry and Sorry that I haven't been keeping this page updated. I just haven't been motivated, and I've just been busy talking to people (mostly Heather) online about lotsa stuff. Like Peas. So, I decided to update it today. I'm hearing from people that they went to the New Holland Fair. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a fair that is held near where I used to live every year. It becomes a tradition for a lot of people. Wish I could've gone. Anyway, it makes me sad that I couldn't go. I actually forgot about it until people brought it up. God, I'd like to go back. But that ain't happenin' anytime soon. In case you haven't noticed, the list page has been updated a little bit with pictures of me and the guys and some other friends. I think it's been updated twice recently. There will be more going up too cuz my mom just handed me a bunch of pics from the summer and early school year. Umm...yeah a lot of them suck though cuz they are from St. Louis, and they are just crowd pictures. I have an obsession with crowds and large landscapes. They're fun to look at, but when you get the pictures back, they just plain suck. I gotta learn to stop doing that. I did it in St. Louis, Canada, Pittsburg, who knows where else. Virginia Beach I think too. Now, those pics aren't up, because they suck you see. Wow, I've written a lot in a short amount of time. Just go searching around on my page. Sign the Guestbook and Read my funny story. Bye all!
(10/12/00) Entry #73 I got some bad news today....Phish broke up! BOO HOOOOO!!! I'm so sad. I really am. They kicked soo much ass, and now they are leaving. They said they were on tour together too long and got sick of eachother. NOOOO!!!! I don't know what else to say. I'm devistated! I'm coming to PA in 2 months and 15 days!
(10/14/00) Entry #74 Friday the 13th killed PHS in their homecoming game. We lost to an average team 42-0...this is quite weird. In the beginning of the season, we were playing good teams and beating them...now we are playing not as good teams and they are kicking our asses! What's the deal with that? Whatever. I'm going to the homecoming dance tonight. This is the first dance in my life that I have gone to where I didn't have a date. Well, first formal dance. There might've been one or two middle school dances where I didn't have a date...but those don't count. I found a big group of people to go to dinner with, so I'm happy now. AND steve has decided to go to homecoming after all! I guess I'm kinda happy, even though he's kinda annoying. He is such a sheep...he does everything that everyone else does. It's annoying. And he can't get a girl to save his life. Well, I shouldn't rip on him. But yeah...the reason he's going is cuz Spud, Jarod, and some other people are going. So that's kinda cool. I think I'll have a good time. It's from 9-midnight which I find quite weird, but good. It gives people a chance to go to dinner at a decent time. Unlike last year when I went to dinner at 5:30 and the dance started at 7 or 8. I think it was from 8-11...and we had dinner reservations at 5:30. That was kinda overdoing it I think. Well, that's over. Umm...bye! I'll tell you all about it tomorrow or Monday.
(10/15/00) Entry #75 Homecoming...awesome. It was really fun. And really cool. Good music, cool lights and a good time. Here's how it went. I went to church with some people at 5:00. Then after that we went somewhere to pick up someone's date, and then we went to Arrowhead Brewery. It was good except the chicken wings. It was like the flavor wanted to be there, but then it wasn't. But everything else was really good. My bill alone was 38 dollars. It was so funny. I was telling people about it and they were like "Mine and my date's together was 18 dollars!" Here's the reason it was so expensive. My dinner was like 12 dollars, and then I also got the appetizer platter which had a whole buncha stuff on it for 16 bucks. And I shared it with people. And my drink and added gratuity. So, it was funny. Average bills were about 12-16 dollars. Oh well. And one really weird thing. I got 40 bucks and put it in my wallet yesterday afternoon. Then, I left to go to church without my wallet. But it was okay cuz we were coming back anyway before dinner. So, I got my wallet, opened it up, and found 15 extra bucks in it. And neither of my parents put it in there. I asked them. I'm almost positive that there was no other money in there when i stuck the 40 in there. It was really weird. I don't know what it would have been for. Whatever, it's good it was in there cuz I owed my friend Ajay money from the summer. I owed him 15 bucks...so I was able to give it to him. Very weird. Whatever. The dance was really fun. 11:00 was when I started getting wild and crazy. I was a dancing fool. At one point there was an empty spot on the floor and I busted out my white boy break dancing skills. It was great. I was running on fumes, but I was hyper as hell. Everything was funny. Like, some girl said "Hey Lauren! Like my man coat?" cuz her date put his coat on her, and I started busting up laughing and I was saying mancoat for like 5 minutes. I was nutttsssss. Oh well, I had a great time. And I had a lot of pictures taken of me.
(10/19/00) Entry #76 Hey guys, sorry for not being so religious with updating this thing. I've been really busy with the play and all. Hey, I just realized, this is the second play that I have been through with you faithful journal readers. (which is probably just 1...Heather). But that's okay. Yeah, it is getting down to crunch time. We're getting 83 zillion notes per day one what to improve on and stuff. But it's good, cuz it keeps looking better and better every day. One thing Gentry wants me to do, is be a happy and jovial guy...he said be like that australian guy on the Fed Ex commercial who gets bitten. But it's kinda hard to model yourself after 15 seconds of text. I'll try though. It'll be hard. Umm...what else. I dunno. Oh god! PSATs are in TWO DAYS!!! I haven't even looked at the practice booklet. I better go do that before going to bed! shit!!! And then starting next week, I have to take 9th grade proficiency tests. They are required to graduate High School. Sorry this is such a boring Journal. I am going HOME in 1 month and 6 days!!!
(10/26/00) Entry #77 We didn't have school today cuz of fog. This school district is so funny. Actually, all of Ohio is like this. If we had bad fog in PA...they wouldn't do JACK! They'd make us go to school. But school was CLOSED today due to fog. It was fun...i guess. Didn't do too terribly much. Umm...I dunno...I just felt like writing in here cuz I haven't been for a while. I"m starting to slack off again...sorry guys. Oh poop...i'm tired. don't wanna write. byeeeeeeeee...................................................................................................................
(11/2/00) Entry #78 Good Afternoon Vietnam! Tonight is our last dress rehearsal before the play opens tomorrow night! It's gonna be great. I'm ready. I only had a total of like 4 or 5 notes last night. And they were small petty things too. So, I think tonight is going to be good, and the play itself is going to kick the asses!!! I might get some pictures of it, I don't know. My scanner is being weird...i think my dad did something when he rewired stuff around. I'll have to have him check it out. If you go to Perrysburg, or live in the area, or plan on being in Perrysburg this weekend. Go see my show! 5 bucks a piece...I'm in it! Go see it! Later!
(11/11/00) Entry #79 On the 11th day of the 11th month at the 11th hour, some battle ended. I'm not good at remembering dates. I just know that it happened at that time in some year. Well well well. I've had an inter-frickin-esting week. I've not been home all week. I've been at school, work, auditions, and hanging out with Laura. Mon-wed i've been working till 10. And then I was hanging out with Laura on thursday and friday. Friday till 11:30. We watched "The Shining" and talked about stuff. It was a fun night. It's never not fun hanging out with her. I don't have a picture of her yet, if I ever will though. She doesn't want to give me one, but i'm sure I'll find one somehow. It is uncanny how alike we are. We are the same down to the small things. Favorite movie: Hook; Favorite band: Phish; we even SLEEP in the same position, with a blanket propped up under our head. And we think alike too. Like, last night, we went to "Sufficient Grounds", a coffee shop, and ordered the same thing without discussing it prior. There are numerously TONS of other things that are the same about us. It's so cool and funny. Ummm...yeah. I'm gonna go. This journal is starting to get sucky, I know. I talk about boring stuff. But you guys can't read my REAL journal, to personal...we have to do it for English class. Well, i'm outta here. Sorry to disappoint you with boringness.
(11/15/00) Entry #80 Shit balls and a half. For those of you who know what that exclamation means, you know what I'm talking about. Why. why. wHy. WhY. Whyeee...I really don't feel like talking because I'm in a tailspin of hell shit. I don't even know what I'm talking about. And I don't feel like talking about it. Below is a journal Entry that I wrote, i think on sunday. I dunno, the date is at the top. Don't ask any questions about it. Not even if you can't figure out a word. That's just too bad. Just read it and get on with your life. I do.
(11/19/00) Entry #81 This is a story i wrote on thursday night cuz i was feelin kinda
weird...
It was a dark and windy night. And life was enraptured in its own
confusion of the days events. We will name life Bob to make th story a
little more interesting. Bob lived inside Josh Banks all his life.
Duh--Bob IS life, and it's Josh's life...so it's Josh's Bob I guess you
could say. Anyway- Bob was tired. He had been working hard in Josh's
head at school. Then later that day around 10:15 at night, Bob wasn't
feeling so good. He thought he needed a Bayer, but remembered that those
were for heart attacks. Or did he need one?! Maybe it wasn't a physical
"cardiac arrest" heart attack...but he still felt like he was being
attacked. It was feelings. We'll call Josh's feelings Joe. To make the
store my interesting. Joe was intruding on the heart. A major part of
Josh and Bob. bob was all of Josh, and the heart was Bob's cubicle. Joe
had gotten tired of his jaded cublicle on the top floor. (For you smart
peo-le, you know where this is...for you dummies, I'll tell you a
picture: Think of Josh- where is the top of him, don't be a smart
ass...yes that's right, thank you for pointing!) Anyway, Joe felt like
visiting Josh's Bob for a looksee as to what was going on. bob explain
that Josh had done something dramatic, and that's why his cubicle was in
shambles. He had been working double time. Just to help Josh feel okay.
Joe was a little irked at this situation because "feeling okay" was part
of Joe's job. It was not Bob's decision as too what Josh should feel.
But seeing the glint in Bob's eye, Joe acquiesced and they worked
together to try and lift Josh's spirits. But they were stuck around his
knees-don't go there sicko. I know what you're thinking. They tried and
tried. Every waking hour was spent pushing buttons, pulling levers, and
even doing manual labor, like shoveling coal, just to try and get Josh
going. It was slow and arduous, and to almost no avail. They got him
feeling good after meals. But then they'd have to start back at the
knees again. After about two weeks, things started looking brighter for
Josh. Bob and Joe gave eachother a high five. But they spoke too soon.
Josh had just been turned down by his friend. We'll call her Arual to
make the store more interesting. You get the idea. Arual was acting
weird. He didn't know what to think. Josh reverted to drugs to try and
solve his problems to no avail. What's with this avail word? Anyway, he
screwed himself over even more. No one liked him and he began to lose
his hair because he would stress out so much that he began pulling it
out of his head and feeding it to young seagulls. A whole flock of them.
We're going to say a flock is equal to 24. Just to make the story--ah ah
ah, you though I was gonna say "more interesting" but I wasn't (except 5
words ago). No, to make the store more mathematically correct in my
head. For all you brains out there, don't correct me. I'm on a roll.
Butter please! No, but seriously folks. Josh ate at the food court at
the mall. We'll call the mall Pencil Neck because that's the first thing
that came to me and my uproariously stupid 1 paragraph story. My hands
hurt. Oh well. So, Josh was eating at Pencil Neck, just coming off his
burnout. He got cheese on rye. All of a sudden, out of the corner of his
head, he spotted Arual. Why was she there you ask? To thicken the plot.
The thicker the plot, the heavier the book, the more expensive it gets.
She was also there to buy food. She looked into his red bloodshot eyes
and asked if anyone was sitting there. Nothing but air he replied with
an assface grin. She sat and gobbled her hot dog like there was no
tomorrow. Josh, staring in delight blinked because his eyes stang from
staring. You know how it is. Arual commented on Josh's eyelashes and
said they were nice. He thanked her and flicked a crumb off the table.
Why to you ask? No, not to thicken the plot. It was just bothering him.
You know how it is. Just then he found some gum in his pocket and
offered a piece to Arual. She accepted the green stick and looked at
Josh. She wondered what was going on in his head. Well, you and me know
what was going on. Joe was hard at work in his cubicle. There had just
been a fire in the copy machine, so he used the fire extinguisher to
dowse the fire. There was a big cloud inside the cubicle. It was
beginning to clear up. But he had to turn on the ventilator fans to get
it moving. Josh turned his head and cracked his neck. He invited Arual
back to his place for some beef. She accepted. She was one foxy mama,
even thought she ate a lot. Josh gave the keys to Arual and said she
could drive. She looked down and said to Josh that the keys were made of
cardboard. And Josh replied I know, I walked. She was astounded that
Josh walked 11.3 miles just to get food at Pencil Neck. But then he
corrected her and siad that he didn't live at home anymore. He lived in
the compressor on top of Pencil Neck. So they climbed up the ladder and
Josh fell asleep. Never to wake up again. What happened to Bob and Joe
you ask? Nothing, they were just there to thicken the plot. And what of
Arual? Well she lived in a crevice and talked to Bob and Joe through
Josh's ear. She chilled until she slept too. Never to awake again. I
don't know feel that this story should end right now because my head is
still burning with desire to write. We'll call it wresire. Just because
it's my word. I like my words. I need to keep writing till I cool off in
the salty sea air. THERE WE GO! Butter please! I'm on a roll!!!!!!!!!!!
(11/20/00) Entry #82 What's goin down with me? Who fuckin knows? I don't have time to have a life anymore, except maybe ONE day on the weekends. My weeks are jampacked with working at Panera Bread, play practice, going somewhere, and occaisional chillin with friends...when I find the time. I'm doing really good in school. I have even MORE friends (the plays help soooo much), and I'm just enjoying the hell outta myself. Soon, I hope to have pictures of Eric swimming the Maumee river. I wasn't there because I had work...but I'll get pictures from Ashely Fergueson. I also hope to have pictures from clash day soon. It was on the beginning of a roll of 36 pictures...and I don't know how much film is left. I'll have to check that soon. Hopefully they'll get used up during thanksgiving. Well, I'm outta here. Go look at The Perrysburg Page...there's a new pic up.
(11/21/00) Entry #83
Yes quite possibly.
(11/27/00) Entry #84 About that previous entry with the fire and stuff. I'm not going to explain it, but lets just say it involved a phone call that I dreaded making, but everything is patched up now, and I have a "souvenier" to show for it...haha. Anyways, I went back to PA...uh oh...running outta room...click here
(11/19/00) Entry #81 This is a story i wrote on thursday night cuz i was feelin kinda
weird...
It was a dark and windy night. And life was enraptured in its own
confusion of the days events. We will name life Bob to make th story a
little more interesting. Bob lived inside Josh Banks all his life.
Duh--Bob IS life, and it's Josh's life...so it's Josh's Bob I guess you
could say. Anyway- Bob was tired. He had been working hard in Josh's
head at school. Then later that day around 10:15 at night, Bob wasn't
feeling so good. He thought he needed a Bayer, but remembered that those
were for heart attacks. Or did he need one?! Maybe it wasn't a physical
"cardiac arrest" heart attack...but he still felt like he was being
attacked. It was feelings. We'll call Josh's feelings Joe. To make the
store my interesting. Joe was intruding on the heart. A major part of
Josh and Bob. bob was all of Josh, and the heart was Bob's cubicle. Joe
had gotten tired of his jaded cublicle on the top floor. (For you smart
peo-le, you know where this is...for you dummies, I'll tell you a
picture: Think of Josh- where is the top of him, don't be a smart
ass...yes that's right, thank you for pointing!) Anyway, Joe felt like
visiting Josh's Bob for a looksee as to what was going on. bob explain
that Josh had done something dramatic, and that's why his cubicle was in
shambles. He had been working double time. Just to help Josh feel okay.
Joe was a little irked at this situation because "feeling okay" was part
of Joe's job. It was not Bob's decision as too what Josh should feel.
But seeing the glint in Bob's eye, Joe acquiesced and they worked
together to try and lift Josh's spirits. But they were stuck around his
knees-don't go there sicko. I know what you're thinking. They tried and
tried. Every waking hour was spent pushing buttons, pulling levers, and
even doing manual labor, like shoveling coal, just to try and get Josh
going. It was slow and arduous, and to almost no avail. They got him
feeling good after meals. But then they'd have to start back at the
knees again. After about two weeks, things started looking brighter for
Josh. Bob and Joe gave eachother a high five. But they spoke too soon.
Josh had just been turned down by his friend. We'll call her Arual to
make the store more interesting. You get the idea. Arual was acting
weird. He didn't know what to think. Josh reverted to drugs to try and
solve his problems to no avail. What's with this avail word? Anyway, he
screwed himself over even more. No one liked him and he began to lose
his hair because he would stress out so much that he began pulling it
out of his head and feeding it to young seagulls. A whole flock of them.
We're going to say a flock is equal to 24. Just to make the story--ah ah
ah, you though I was gonna say "more interesting" but I wasn't (except 5
words ago). No, to make the store more mathematically correct in my
head. For all you brains out there, don't correct me. I'm on a roll.
Butter please! No, but seriously folks. Josh ate at the food court at
the mall. We'll call the mall Pencil Neck because that's the first thing
that came to me and my uproariously stupid 1 paragraph story. My hands
hurt. Oh well. So, Josh was eating at Pencil Neck, just coming off his
burnout. He got cheese on rye. All of a sudden, out of the corner of his
head, he spotted Arual. Why was she there you ask? To thicken the plot.
The thicker the plot, the heavier the book, the more expensive it gets.
She was also there to buy food. She looked into his red bloodshot eyes
and asked if anyone was sitting there. Nothing but air he replied with
an assface grin. She sat and gobbled her hot dog like there was no
tomorrow. Josh, staring in delight blinked because his eyes stang from
staring. You know how it is. Arual commented on Josh's eyelashes and
said they were nice. He thanked her and flicked a crumb off the table.
Why to you ask? No, not to thicken the plot. It was just bothering him.
You know how it is. Just then he found some gum in his pocket and
offered a piece to Arual. She accepted the green stick and looked at
Josh. She wondered what was going on in his head. Well, you and me know
what was going on. Joe was hard at work in his cubicle. There had just
been a fire in the copy machine, so he used the fire extinguisher to
dowse the fire. There was a big cloud inside the cubicle. It was
beginning to clear up. But he had to turn on the ventilator fans to get
it moving. Josh turned his head and cracked his neck. He invited Arual
back to his place for some beef. She accepted. She was one foxy mama,
even thought she ate a lot. Josh gave the keys to Arual and said she
could drive. She looked down and said to Josh that the keys were made of
cardboard. And Josh replied I know, I walked. She was astounded that
Josh walked 11.3 miles just to get food at Pencil Neck. But then he
corrected her and siad that he didn't live at home anymore. He lived in
the compressor on top of Pencil Neck. So they climbed up the ladder and
Josh fell asleep. Never to wake up again. What happened to Bob and Joe
you ask? Nothing, they were just there to thicken the plot. And what of
Arual? Well she lived in a crevice and talked to Bob and Joe through
Josh's ear. She chilled until she slept too. Never to awake again. I
don't know feel that this story should end right now because my head is
still burning with desire to write. We'll call it wresire. Just because
it's my word. I like my words. I need to keep writing till I cool off in
the salty sea air. THERE WE GO! Butter please! I'm on a roll!!!!!!!!!!!
