written late at night, not dated

When I was 6 and 7, we lived near the ocean.  I used to run up and across the dunes to the beach every day after school, even when it was raining.  My parents were always busy, so when I wasn't sitting in the car alone, I was there alone.  I remember the feeling of the wind blowing against my face, the sound of seagulls and the waves rolling in.  I remember feeling so at ease. I guess I've always liked the beach.

Before my Great Grandmother died, we would walk along the beach, not too far from there.  She told me a lot about life.  I always just assumed that she was so wise because she was so old.  It wasn't until recently that I ever knew she separated from her husband then got back together several times, that he beat her and their daughter... and worse...  All my life that I knew him, he was kind and quiet.  He had no real pending health problems, but he died shortly after his wife died.  Despite all he did, somehow his wife and daughter still loved him.  It's so hard to imagine that he loved them yet would do the things he did.  He lived in the days when a man could treat his family any way he felt like without any legal consequences, but still, they did separate. They kept letting him come back.  They kept forgiving him because, despite it all, they loved him.

God is faithful.  He is Love and forgives those who do horrible things.  There are so many times when I just hoped and prayed for justice, but so often it doesn't seem like God is just.  How does He let all this happen?  I knew someone who was innocent in every way, my best friend and only gentle human voice in a time of need, who never failed me, even when I thought God had.  Yet, God took him away.  Why?  I just hoped and prayed that he was in a far better place, and that it wasn't some punishment for helping me.  I honestly thought God hated me.  I guess sometimes my father's mother and her mother must have felt the same way, but my Great Grandmother told me many things about life that I didn't really understand at the time.  I would sit on the beach sometimes and think about what she said.  She told me that life is all about forgiving because life is all about loving.  No one deserves what they get.  The innocent suffer and the abusers get away with it.  It's a crazy world, but it's that way because of sin.  That's why the victims always feel responsible.  They're made to bear the sings of another.  But in the pain is found strength.

A long time ago, God Himself came down to earth to live as one of us.  He lived a blameless life.  He was innocent and perfect, so He had to bear the sins of the whole world.  Just as it is the innocent lamb that is always sacrificed for sins, the innocent are made to suffer and even die to bear the sins of others.  The world is a violent and wicked place, but there are good people in it and that's why God doesn't just wipe it all out.  The sins of the world are bore by the innocent and the innocent are sustained through Christ, who suffered and died for us all.

Many times it seems like the innocent suffer so that the sinners can have an easy life and do what they please.  The children are all like lambs, constantly being slaughtered for the sins of others.  But there's more to the story than meets the eye...

My Great Grandfather changed.  His wife and daughter believed in him and God believed in him.  He was forgiven for his sins because he was willing to change, because he loved.  For that, he was forgiven, not for his sins being bore by his wife and daughter, but for loving and being loved.  We have all sinned and done something we regretted later.  Even if it was as simple as stealing a pack of gum, or just exaggerating until it became a lie.  We're not perfect, but those who have a harder time with sinning need the help of those who have gained innocence through salvation.  Sometimes we have to bear the sins of others because God bears our sins.  Not letting God in their lives, those who choose to hurt make others who have God in their lives bear their sins in pain, but we weren't made to suffer alone.  We are chosen because we can give our pain to God.  Every innocent victim made to suffer for the evil, selfish gain of a man is chosen by God, not because they can bear it, but because God is living in their lives and He can bear it.  The innocent suffer so that the abusers can be forgiven.  If a violent man attacks another violent man, they just continue a loop of evil.  Evil stops where good begins.  We are all instruments and God is using us to save lost souls.  I guess we're learning that life is only as hard as we make it.  It's a noble call to die to save another's life and it's a noble call to suffer to save someone's soul.  We care, so we are hurt.  We love and God is Love.  Even the most wicked of men can change.  Is that justice?  I don't know.  I don't run the universe.  But I guess maybe it is.  Or, maybe instead of justice, in God we find mercy.  Either way, I trust in God and in Him I have faith that no suffering is in vain.  I guess it all comes down to trust.  Sometimes the tide goes out and the pain sets in, but the tide always comes back in, just as the waves keep rolling.  Everything has a purpose and a plan and everything works out in the end.  There are heroes and martyrs and behind all of them is the God who sustains them.  Lord, grant me that strength in You...