It's not surprising that in a recent survey most people visiting this site noticed their attractions at puberty. Yet, it's also interesting to not that, in the survey below, the age of boys that are most attractive to most people here is the same age that most people first noticed their attractions. Yet, before you make too much of this, even Joey, who has been attracted to boys since early childhood, favors this age range. However, there's a problem with preferring these "coming of age" (11 to 14ish) boys.

Of course, an obvious problem is with social taboos being broken if you're a male or when you are no longer the age of your attraction but several years older. Yet, I'm more concerned with you and with the boy you're attracted to than society. If you follow the course that most people attracted to boys take, you just observe from afar. Most people with strong emotional attractions to children (like myself or like most women) tend to idolize and almost worship them. To touch is to defile (unless you're a woman in our society). Others are simply too afraid. Braver ones befriend a boy they like. Yet, if that friendship turns into a relationship, you should consider what I'm about to say.

At any age, a boy is capable of loving just as much as he is of being loved, yet some boys want to have either a romantic or a sexual relationship. I'm referring specifically to boys who are attracted to males. They tend to be more sensitive and emotionally involved. Even if the relationship never moves beyond a kiss on the cheek or warm embraces, the feelings of the boy are what counts. You see, the problem is when the boy grows up. If he accepts his attractions to males, he'll be all the happier for the experience, even if it didn't last. Yet, if he doesn't accept his attractions, even what may have felt positive to him at the time will turn dark. For this type of person, if there is sex involved, it makes this even worse. Since there are "coming of age" boys attracted to men and men and older teens attracted to "coming of age" boys, physical relationships exist. Both are curious of the differences of each other's bodies. Since a boy during puberty has a higher sex drive, he will sometimes pursue a relationship purely for sex. Of course, older males aren't that different. The problem is that, as natural as this mutual relationship may seem, this boy may grow up not accepting his attraction to males and blame his attraction on that relationship. We saw this clearly when so many chronically depressed effeminate men blamed priests for making them unable to carry on their lives (because they won't accept the way they feel). A man in denial of his attraction to men will stand up and whine about pain that may or may not be self inflicted. A man with no attraction to males, even if he had sex with a male, will admit to sex like rabbits, then carry on. The memory is a threat to his power as a man, but nothing as deep as with self hatred. Maybe he'll get a few tattoos, but it won't ruin his life. That's the irony. The boys who want the relationship are more likely to make it hurt them.

So, you can see the problems involved with liking boys who are new to their attractions or haven't experienced them yet. Even when great care is take to make the relationship a positive one, that isn't always enough. The boy may feel that you don't care unless sex is involved. Even if his sex drive isn't that high, his emotions and hormones may be erratic because of puberty. Something to consider is that some of the most attractive boys to many people are White boys, yet Caucasians have the most erratic hormone levels and are more likely to be attracted to their own gender. While it is rare for someone with dark hair to be exclusively attracted to his own gender, it is common among Whites with light hair to have only homosexual attractions. Bisexuality, even if the homosexual aspect is not accepted, at least leaves one attraction open to being accepted. That's why it's so important that the boy is told how to accept his attractions, regardless of what others say. And, although it's often hard, try to make the relationship last. Let it fade if he wants it to. A sudden, rough end will be the most painful for both of you. As the one familiar with your attractions, it's your responsibility to prevent him from hurting himself over his attractions. As with all relationships, if both party's feelings are not taken into account, you'll both be hurt.

So, for the rest of us, we'll just daydream about what you have. That is, until liking "coming of age" boys becomes just an attraction because we've finally found love and love has no age or appearance boundaries. It just is.

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