I'm a "good Christian", but what have I done frequently when I've been backed into a corner (figuratevely, not literally yet)? I've lied. I've joked, tried to be natural, and sometimes answered a question with an outright lie. Why? Because I've been afraid. Probably my biggest (and hardest) lies have been around my father because I know that he would be hurt the most if he knew that I have no interest in females and will spend the rest of my life with Joey and not with a wife. I think that every really "straight as an arrow" man wants his son to be macho just like he is. My mother, on the other hand, is different. Of course, she frequently has cruses on young boys in movies too and she's admitted to them, so she shouldn't wonder where I get it! She has actually asked me if Joey and I were... but I lied there too at the "rediculous idea". My father would probably feel that he had failed me as a good father, even thgough he certainly hasn't. Really, Joey and I both think that both my and his parents know already and have known long before the two of us met, but they've been denying it to themselves (people seem to love to do that!). they just think we're weird and have always been that way. Of course, I'll buy that we're weird!

I have no inclination of "coming out", so to speak, but I have Joey to share everything with. What if I didn't? Maybe you've thought about that. One problem with "coming out" is the problem of being labled. Even if you don't lable yourself, the person that you tell may misinterpret your attractions and lable you based upon a familiar stereotype. For example, if you are a boy attracted to other boys, you may be labled as "gay" and be expected to be a "flaming queen" (waving your arms about, dressing up, acting like a girl, and constantly wanting things in your rear). Or, they may deny that those are your true feelings (like they'd know better than you!). Another problem is that the stereotype they conclude you have just stated an allegance to may disgust or horify them (and more than likely will in the case of males, weither you say "I like other males" or "I like little boys"). This is especially bad if they are your overprotective, good Christian parents. Although, if they really love you, given enough time they may learn to accept your concepts of yourself. Usually, if you want to reveal your feelings, it's best to save them for someone really close to you whom you trust. Take the time to explain the difference between emotional attractions and physical (hormonal/sexual) attractions and how many people may be emotionally attracted to one type of person and physically attracted to another. For example, Joey is physically attracted to the female body (which repulses me), but is emotionally attracted to boys (I relate there). The problem with many relationships (and the average man-woman ones certainly aren't exempt from this) is that they are based on a sexual attraction and have no emotional depth. The problem is that the need for sex comes second on the instinct list (right after the need for food). It's just that we aren't animals and need to learn to put emotions first. Many people deny their emotional attractions because they are for their own gender. These people may marry, have kids, and still long to be with someone else.

Another very important thing to consider about "coming out" is your personal safety. It's one thing to "come out" to yourself and understand yourself, but you can't expect others to, especially not right away. And there are many people who hate the stereotypes that they may think you fall into. You may be perceived as some evil sinner (although every human is a sinner--"let he who is without sin cast the first stone") to some and some evil child (anoyone's a child these days) hunter to another. There has been fighting and killing for thousands of years over religious ideas. Are the ideas you have about yourself any more sacred? Of course not. And if you are too open,you may be seen to "flaunt your sexuality". That's a sure fired way to get people anoyed with you or to hate you. People fear what they don't understand, but fear leads to frustration, frustration (once focused) to anger, and anger to hatred and violence. Also, if you're attractions are socially unacceptable, people with those same attractions that are forced to repress them and live a "normal" life may easily hate you. After all, the strongest hatred is self-hatred. And, sadly, that is very, very common. Then again, they may be inspired by your acceptance of yourself, but don't hold your breath. Even these thoughts have been considered "dangerous" simply because they go against the concensus.

As long as you remain "in the closet" (to others, but not to yourself), you remain safe. And, you also keep lying. It's a no win situation, but would you really want to be "normal"? I have a better understanding of human sexuality than even people like Dr. Ruth and I'm more intelegent for it. Think about it this way: you didn't choose your attractions, meaning it's in God's hands. Rest assured that His plan is far superior to anything you or I could ever conceive. Even I don't understnad why he made whites such perverts! Although it does make life more interesting and it gives me a lot to write about!

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