Subject:
My Dear Ima,
Good to hear from you!Well as you have asked MCTN means the 10 digit control
number that they will give you to enable me receive the funds from here.
When will you be in the states?have you ringed holland?Please update me so that
I will know your discussion with them.
Hope to hear from you as soon as you return to the states.
Best Regards,
Barrister Charles Nwafe.
From:
To:
Subject:
Greetings and salutations, Charles:
I now understand what a MCTN number is and will ask for one when I do the
deposit. I must admit that I have never been provided with one, however, as the
payment is for a specific person (who provideds ID) and who can answer the
approp. code question - Honda, remember?
Anyway, we shall see, little pig. I will provide you with whatever they provide
me. I should be back in LA within the next day, but it may be the day after
before I can pay as I only get back in the early evening. Knowing LA traffic, I
will most likely not get back to the office in time for WU closing. Actually, I
was stuck in the Eastern bloc for longer than I expected, sorry... It is so
barbaric there and I hate going but the livelihood of so many animals is often
at stake. I much prefer the other side of the mountains, Switzerland, Austria,
etc. The candy is of such high quality, they call that area the chocolate bloc.
[Groan... Even I choked on a pun this bad, and that is saying a lot (didn't
stop me from using it, though).]
Anyway, back to LA. I just thought about it a bit more - it might be Sunday
then and WU will most likely be closed. I promise to get that payment to you
ASAP, or my name is not Ima Choad. [Well, it's not, is it? Hehe...] Crikey, I hate LA traffic. Quick LA story:
my chauffeur at the time, Steve Martin, fell in love in LA traffic, it was so
slow. Then again, an old lady also tried to shoot him, but that is a different
story, for another time. [Wouldn't that make a good movie?]
Holland: I emailed the approp. email address and received an automated response
but no actual reply from Roland. I asked what paperwork I needed to perform
before I got there to expedite matters.
Talk to you soon,
Choad, Ima Choad (sorry, I am writing this on the plane and they are showing a
James Bond movie - I was always a sucker for bondage).
PS: I do not have my itinerary handy but do believe I have a stop-over in
Bangkok (I love to Bangkok whenever I can); if I do, then I will get you a
little ceramic Buddha which you can have. I can, of course, get one in the
States but it is not authentic (and lucky) then. It has to be auspicous as
that, in turn, provides parabolic auspicious harmonicas in your brain pan
(which is the source of your business finesse - that is why it is also called
your source pan). Buddha said (on this topic), "We can�t go on together,
without auspicious minds and we can build our dreams on auspicious minds."
[Well, paraphrasing Elvis is nearly like paraphrasing Buddha, ain't it?]
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima Choad,
Greetings to you!I am in receipt of your mail and all you saidwas clearly
understood.
I will be waiting to get the informations that you will use to send the money
by western union money transfer today.
Please I will like you to ring holland today and discuss with them on how you
will be going to holland to clear the consignments from them.
I will be hoping to hear from you ASAP.
Thank You,
Barrister Charles Nwafe.
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Charlie:
I have gone to Western Union and done the deposit; go pick it up.
[Ach-bullshit-choo!]
As I mentioned last time, I have already emailed Holland but have had no reply.
I have a whole string of press briefings to do and will not be in the office
for several days - for the last time convince those Dutch buffoons to just
email me, it will be much faster. I am now out of pocket by a grand and want to
wrap this up to recoup that! I want to get the show on the road in Holland
before it gets too hot, the last thing I want is a Dutch oven...
Magnamiously, [From here on in, I just use whatever big
word/phrase pops into my head, for better or worse (usually worse).]
Ima.
[Hey, a message from "Roland"; fancy that...]
From:
Subject:
Attn:Ima Choad,
Following the instructions we received from Barrister Charles Nwafe to deliver
the consignmenmt deposited by Mrs.Mary Johnson to you.
We wish to invite you to our office here in Amsterdam for the collection this
consignment before the expiration of ten working days .Be advised to come with
the following upon your arrival here:
1.Your international passport or driver's license as proof of identification.
2.Copies of the certificate of deposit and letter of authority from the
depositor.
3.The sum of Ten Thousand Five Hundred Euros as our clearing and storage
charges.This has to be in cash in order to facilitate the delivery of the
consignment to you.
Ensure you notify us of your arrival date so that we can have an appointment
for you to endorse our release documents and deliver you consignment
accordingly.Ensure you make a reservation with a hotel here where you can stay
for the period of your transaction with us.
For any further clarification do not hesitate to contact the undersigned
through this email address or the telephone number as stated below.
Yours faithfully,
Roland Jackson.
0031 623 333 928.
From:
To:
Subject:
Dear Roland:
I am make a booking ASAP and get back to you.
Sincerely,
Ima.
[A quick letter to the deacon shyster to make him do some more work (for nothing).]
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Chuck:
Jackson just got in touch; I am now booking a flight and accomodation. He
asked to make sure that I have the following: certificate of deposit and letter
of authority from the depositor. Do I have that? I am not at my
desktop machine so cannot check. Maybe you should resend it, just in
case.
Please reply quickly as I may just book a flight for this evening; I will
declare a personal emergency to get out of my pressing but not engaging press
engagements.
Finally some action,
Hear from you soon (I hope),
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima Choad,
How are you today?I am in receipt of your email.Yes you said that you have done
the deposit but you did not send the folowing informations to me to enable me
pick up me the money.Please I will need this informations to make me collect
the money:
1.THE SENDERS NAME AND ADDRESS WERE THE MONEY IS COMING FROM.
2.MCTN NUMBER WHICH IS THE CONTROL NUMBER.
Please I wll be expecting these informations from you ASAP.
Thank God that they have contacted you.I have not sent the documents that they
requested from you.I will send them to you first thing tomorrow morning when I
arrive my office,okay?Please you can book for your flight by wenesday.I will
scan the documents to you.
Please when discussing with them do not let them know that the consignments
contains funds,okay?it is only you and i knows that the consignments contains
funds,my client said she did that for security reasons to avoid
diversification. [Charlie uses this term a few times; to this
very day I do not know what word he really means...]
Hope to hear from you soonest.
Regards,
Barrister Charles Nwafe.
From:
Subject:
My Dear Ima Choad,
How are you today?hope you are okay?I am writing to find out so mant things
from you before you proceed to holland.What did the security company requested
from you to come with apart from the certificate of deposit and the power of
attorney?Please I will like you to let me know all this so that I can advise
you before you leave.
I will be sending the documents to you which you will travel with to holland by
email in the next 30 minutes.please when you receive it I will like you to
email me or call me to let me know.Okay?
Their something I will let you to know.The security company does not know that
the consignments contains money so you will haveto be very care when dealing
with the.If they have asked you to come with any money to holland I will advise
to you go with the money in CASH NOT CHECK OR CREDIT CARD okay?this is very
important so that they can assist you in any way they can. [I
really should cause trouble and ask probing questions on why and/or be
obstinant and refuse but I also have other mugus on the boil.]
I will adivse you also to try and ring them on phone so that you can discuss
with them instead of email so that you will be freindly with them before your
arrival.All this I will want you to do today.
I am still expecting to get the informations that you used in send the $1000 by
western union so that I can pick it up.I am eagarly waiting to hear from you
ASAP.
Thank you,
Barrister Charles Nwafe.
From:
To:
Subject:
Dear C:
I quick note before I catch a cab to the airport. My flight itinerary is:
Lufthansa flight 457
From : Los Angeles(LAX) Tuesday, Jun 08, 2004
02:55 PM
To : Frankfurt(FRA) Wednesday, Jun 09, 2004 10:25
AM
Lufthansa flight 4676
From : Frankfurt(FRA) Wednesday, Jun 09, 2004
12:35 PM
To : Amsterdam(AMS) Wednesday, Jun 09, 2004 01:40
PM
I will have my laptop with me, so that should give you a fiar amount of time to
email me those documents.
I will be staying at the Victoria Hotel, DAMRAK 1-5 - Amsterdam, Netherlands
(near the Amsterdam Central Station).
Of course, I did not tell Roland what was in the box. I will now email
him these details, as well.
Oh, as for your money, I thought I had mentioned that it is simply under my
name and address. I was not provided with any 10 digit id or code and
when I asked, they simply said that proof of identity and the appropriate
password response to the "car" question will suffice. [With a
bit of luck, I can make him do an extra trip.]
Undisputably,
Ima.
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Rollie:
I quick note before I catch a cab to the airport. My flight itinerary is:
Lufthansa flight 457
From : Los Angeles(LAX) Tuesday, Jun 08, 2004
02:55 PM
To : Frankfurt(FRA) Wednesday, Jun 09, 2004 10:25
AM
Lufthansa flight 4676
From : Frankfurt(FRA) Wednesday, Jun 09, 2004
12:35 PM
To : Amsterdam(AMS) Wednesday, Jun 09, 2004 01:40
PM
I will be staying at the Victoria Hotel, DAMRAK 1-5 - Amsterdam, Netherlands
(near the Amsterdam Central Station).
As I will have a significant amount of money on my person, I would like you (or
if you are too busy, a representative) to meet me at the airport. I have
attached a photo of myself (from my last financial report) that I had
handy. I would like a photo of whoever is coming to collect me so I know
who to look for. It would be safer if they were holding up a banner which
clearly had my full name on it (Ima Choad - NOTE: It os NOT Chaod).
[Misspelling my name pissed me off, no end.] I nice, clear picture of
this will alleviate my mind that I will be able to find who will be collecting
me. If they are holding up a sign with my name on it in the photo, then
all I have to do is directly compare that to the real thing - no mess, no fuss
and no confusion.
Thanks in advance,
Ima.
[That way they
have no excuse not to recipricate.]
[Okay, dear readers, here's the scoop... I am now getting multiple emails from the same scam ("Roland" and "Charles", with the latter sending multiple messages because he is itching for his moula. To further complicate things, Yahoo, by default, displays the in-box in reverse chronological order - meaning most recent at the top and I answered things that way. Bottom line, this means that altough the original posts from the mugu are in the correct order, the responses I sent will have date/time stamps in a different order. I just thought I'd mention it in case you got confused or thought I had screwed up.]
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima Choad,
I am writing to let you know that I have scanned and attcahed the documents
will include the Certificate Of Deposit and the Power Of Attorney which you
will use to travel to holland to clear the consignments from the security
company.
I have seen the details of your flight to holland by next week wenesday.I will
go to western union now to see if they can give me the money without the
control number.
Please acknowledge the receipt of this documents by replying me ASAP.
Thank You.
Barrister Charles Nwafe.
[Two more huge images; one thing that I'll say is that this mugu
doesn't scrimp on the bandwidth!]
From:
To:
Subject:
I got the documents. [He sent two messages for me to
reply to; I can write something interesting in the other one. What? You expect
"War and Peace" in every email - gimma a break...]
Thanx,
IC.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima Choad,
I am writing to let you know that I am just coming back from the western union
money transfer [Hehe, it worked; he wasted time going to the
pick-up place unnecessarily.] and they said that you have not sent the
money that if you have sent the money that you should provide for me the
following informations to enable me collect the money.
1.THE NAME OF THE SENDER.(PLEASE SPECIFY THE NAME)
2.THE RECEIVERS NAME.
3.ADDRESS OF THE SENDER AND WERE THE MONEY IS COMING FROM(PLEASE ALSO SPECIFY
IT)
4.TYHE COUNTRY WERE THE MONEY IS GOING TO.WHICH IS NIGERIA.
5.MOST IMPORTANTLY THE MTCN NUMBER WHICH IS THE CONTROL NUMBER.
Please I will like you to confirm from the place you sent the money from and
ask them to give you the control number for I am unable to pick up the money
over here.
Hope to hear from you as soon as possible.
Thank you.
Barrister Charles Nwafe.
From:
To:
Subject:
Recipient:
NAME:CHIEDU OBOKOH.
ADDRESS:LAGOS,NIGERIA.
AMOUNT:$1000.
TEXT QUESTION:FAVORITE CAR.
TEXT ANSWER:HONDA.
My details:
Ima Choad
10086 Sunset Boulevarde
Beverly Hills 90210
I have found the MTCN -> 2479017800. I bloody well asked the clerk who
served me for this number and he just looked at me like I was crazy.
[More's the point, why didn't the frickin mugu tell me it would be at the
top-right corner of the receipt; it is only when I got an example Western Union
receipt (credit to www.419eater.com for the
receipt that I derived mine from) to put my own details on that I realised
this.] I have the WU receipt in front of me but can't get the scanner
to work. See how you go, if there is any more problems then I will email
you a copy of the receipt (when I get my IT support person, Linus Torvalds, in
to fix the scanner). [Delaying device so I can try to
perform my first piece of fake doc "art".] If I scan it, then it will
be nice and clear for you and you can rub it in their face. You have the
MTCN now, anyway, so that should be enough. [Another wasted trip
is in store for you, my friend...]
Elaborately,
IC.
From:
Subject:
Attn: Ima Choad,
Sequel to the receipt of your flight information,we wish to confirm that one of
our officials will pick you up from the airport.In case you miss him you can
call my direct number 0623 333 928 from the airport.He will be waiting with
your picture.
We have also confirm your appointment for Wednseday 9th,June,therefore you will
visit our office directly from the airport.
Ensure you call me before your departure from the Los Angeles.
Yours faithfully,
Roland Jackson.
From:
To:
Subject:
Dear Jackson:
I think you misunderstood my request... I do not want you to hold up a
picture of me at the airport - that will be too small and I will not be able to
see it clearly enough to know I have found the correct person.
I would like you to hold up a sign with my name on it. Then please take a
photo of that and send it to me. I will then know in advance who will be
waiting for me. I will have a significant amount of cash on me and do not
want to dilly-dally at the airport trying to scrutinise every person I see;
especially when they may take advantage of my indecision and rob me.
[As opposed, of course, to letting you do so.]
Thanks in advance,
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima Choad,
How are you?why the silence?Please get back to me as soon as you get this mail
so that I can have the 10 digit number and other informations to ick up the
money from western union.
Thank you,
Barrister Charles Nwafe.
From:
To:
Subject:
I have just sent the details to you. Why are you such an impatient
ass? I was on a plane and could not access my email, remember? [Umm,
I actually stuffed up my dates and thought I was supposed to be on my way to
Amsterdam now (as opposed to the Holland booking actually being for the
following week); he made no rebuttal, so it obviously went over his head.]
Let me make this clear! I am *not* at your beck and call, little man... I fully
acknowledge that your time is money and paid you handsomely for that but I also
have a non-profit (but lucrative) business to run. I have never not replied to
any of your emails yet so stop being such an ass about things and let me have a
moment to reply to you before you go jumping down my throat (which both of my
husbands were fond of doing and, quite frankly, I am sick of the warm, clotted,
salty taste of it).
If you keep the negative attitude up, buster, then I will inform Mary that you
are hindering this transaction and get her to replace you with someone else.
Yours masticating,
IC.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima Choad,
Were you able to get the control number from western union?please update me so
that I can pick up the money today.
Thank you,
Charles.
From:
To:
Subject:
Let me make this clear, upChuck:
You would think that when I started answering your emails, I would get to that,
wouldn't you? Maybe having some patience and waiting an extra two or so minutes
whilst I answered the questions in question would be more advisable than
questioning whether I am going to answer your questions in question; I will
answer that question for you (even though it was really unqestionably
rhetorical) - yes.
In future, when you see that I am answering your numerous diatribes of copious
emails, how about just allowing me to get through them first, without barraging
me with even more of them? I *do* have other work to do too, you know?
[I finally had the gut full of Chuck's impatience.]
Your expectorating,
IC
[I send a reminder email to "Holland" in an attempt to instigate that photo.]
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey Jacko:
Let me make this clear... I will not come if I do not have a photo of who will
be picking me up. How can you guarantee my safety before you even find me at a
busy airport?
If you have any questions with respect to how urgently I must get these books
and momentos back to Mary, who is gravely ill, then feel free to contact Mr
Charles.
Insincerely,
IC.
[A bit of replies in the opposite order of the original messages, again, I am afraid.]
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
I am in receipt of your mail and I am really sorry if I have bothered you so
much regarding picking up this money from western union money. [So
you should be, ya knob!]
I am just coming back from the bank and they said that the your name and the
control number is not on their system so in that case that you did not make any
transaction.Please I will like you to verify this problem with them and let me
know the outcome.Or alternatively I will advise that you call your money back
and resend it to the informations I gave you.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Thank you,
Charles.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
Greetings to you!I just checked the informations you
said you used in sending the money by western union
money on the internet and there was no such
transaction.You can verify it yourself by logging into
their website:www.westernunion.com
Hope to hear from you soon.
Charles.
From:
To:
Subject:
Deer CN:
You will find attached the scan of the WU receipt, print it out and shove it
under the nose of your local WU rep. I am glad Linus could work out what was
wrong with the scanner (it seems to be difficult to connect devices because of
the operating system we are using, or something). That Linux is one clever
cookie, even if I have to say (whilst trying not to be too uncharitable) that
he is fugly. He looks a lot like a penguin, in fact; then again, all of those
IT characters look weird...
Oh, talk some sense into that Roland fellow, I will be carrying a large amount
of money and I am adamant (well, not *really* Adam Ant as he is a man in the
UK, but anyway) that I receive a picture of who is going to pick me up so I can
find them quickly at the airport. Efficient location will ease my mind as I
will be carrying such a large amount of cash - a photo of my receiver will
allow me to be ever ready light as soon as I exit the plane.
Inconceivably [Shades of "The Princess Bride", here.],
IC.
[Ta
da, my first fake image attempt; not too shabby but definitely would not hold
up to any intense scrutiny. The fun part was working out the right font and
then rotating any text by a few degrees to fit better.]
From:
Subject:
Attn: Ima Choad,
We understand you competely,someone will be waiting for you at the arrival
point where are going to come out from,with your name boldly written�so you
cannot miss him.He will hold a sign in your name.We cannot get you a photograph
because we have a lot of officials,we can conclude on who to send. [Feable excuse #1.]
Be informed that the airports here are safe with alot of security around so
nobody can rope you at the ariport.Just ensure you call me before your
departure.
Yours faithfully,
Roland Jackson.
From:
To:
Subject:
Dear Mr Roland:
I am sorry but I do not feel comfortable coming without knowing who will be
picking me up; it is simply a matter of looking at the roster for that week and
making a decision of who to send in advance.
I have actually been to Amsterdam before and I know what it is like.� I
know I can be a "pain in the ass" sometimes but just ask Mr Nwafe, I reward
people who humour me handsomely. [Pretty feable, considering that he has not actually gotten anything but worth a shot, nonetheless.]
Thanks in advance,
IC.
From:
Subject:
Attn: Ima Choad,
Sequel to your email, we will want to let you know that we do not like
mixing up any situation,you are coming to meet with us so we will pick you�up
without any problems.We do not comprise the security of our clients in any
�of our transactions.I can assure you that you will be satisfied with our
services.
Please just call us that you leaving Los Angeles and we will pick you up
from the airport.
Yours faithfully,
Roland Jackson.
[I decided trying to appeal to the legal "persona" instead might be beneficial.]
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
Greetings to you!I am in receipt of your mail and all
you said was clearly understood.I have printed outI
will be going to the bank first thing tomorrow morning
to show them the receipt that you used in making the
payment.
The security company officer (Mr.Roland)called me to
let me know that you are requesting the picture of the
person that will be coming to pick you at the air port
when you arrive holland,for security reasons they
don`t give out the pictures of their workers out,that
is their company instruction. [Feable excuse #2.]
Madam Choad I will like to be very frank with you that
Mr.Roland is a very nice person and what he told yo is
the best means to receive you at the airport.They are
doing all this things for your own safety.
This is their job and he made me to understand that
they have been receiving their numerous client through
this medium,he really asked me to explain all this to
you so that your mond will be at rest.Please I will
also advise you to follow their instructions so that
they can pick you up easiy at the airport.
Alternatively,and which I think is the most safest,I
will advise that when you arrive holland I will like
you to go straight to your hotel and from you hotel I
will like you to call them so that they can come over
to your hotel to pick you up.What do you say about
that?Please let me know your opinion regarding this so
that we can get this settled.
Thank you for your understanding.
Barrister Charles.
From:
To:
Subject:
I understand that when I would be with a representative of the consignment
company, I would be safe but I have to find that person first.
I am just a little middle-aged woman in a busy airport holding a large
bundle of cash - this is a recipe for disaster.� I have been to some terrible
places in my time (through my work) and I am no shrinking violet, by any means
but I am concerend for my safety/welfare state [Little plays on words like this probably get missed by even my readers, but I still like them.] whilst I am
holding the pot of gold, so to speak.
I really don't want to have to travel through Amsterdam to get to my hotel
while still holding this bundle of joy.� I would prefer to take a huge dump on
this consignment officer immediately and relieve myself.
Bottom line: I am the one trusting everyone by carrying a large wad of cash
up my wazzoo to a foreign country.� It is somewhat one-sided that nobody wants
to trust me - I have never dealt with any security company that would not
release photo information of the appropriate personnel to their clientele.� We
have three options - I find out who is going to meet me at the airport; I do not
come; or, I come with my own security person, Bruce Banner who is nigh on seven
foot tall, nearly that wide and has arms nearly as large as my entire body.�
Bruce is an ex-Marine, trained in six different martial arts and able to crush
walnuts in his biceps.� He is one hulk of a man and I would trust him to protect
me through anything - trust me, you would not like him when he is angry.
Charles, you know full well that I will be happy to re-imburse the
consigment company for their time and effort.� I still want to do everything I
can to help Mary but I do make a stand at risking my own life and limb (I just
don't want to be re-incarnated yet).
Yours climactically,
IC.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
Greetings to you!I am in receipt of your mail and all
you said was noted.I am writing to let you know first
of all that I am just coming from the western union
money transfer with the receipt you scanned to me and
I presented it to the agent here in Nigeria and they
checked it and said that there was no such
transaction,that I should call the sender which is you
to go back to the agent where you sent the money from
and make them know about it so that they can verify
the problem.Please I will like you to do this and get
back to me with the new informations. [Hehe, the fool has made THREE trips for no gain; I now hafta contrive some reason why Western Union know nothing about
my receipt...]
I really want to trust you regarding all this you are
doing,because I am really becoming skeptical with all
this transaction that you said you have made so far,I
am just believing you because of the way you first
attended to me.
As per the security company officers in Holland if you
say that you will want to go with your security there
is no problem.I am only asking you to go alone because
you do not have to trust anyone because you do not
know who is who. [Ooh, a tad scared that I might have a big, strong man with me, huh?] Since the security company said that
they cant give you the picture of their workers I
think the best thing is just to follow their
instruction and all will be well.
I am still advising you that as soon as you arrive
holland I want you to take a taxi to you hotel
directly and when you get there you can now call
Mr.Roland to meet with you.I think that is very okay?I
do not want this to delay this transaction so that we
can conclude it as we have planned.
I hope to hear from you concerning this two issues as
soon as possible.
Regards,
Charles.
From:
To:
Subject:
Hey CN:
I will go to WU first thing tomrrow and see what is what... [Can you say delaying tactic?]
I would prefer not to take my security, Bruce, as I would need an extra
room for him (I am not that kind of lady), etc.� The big galoot is great but he
eat's like a horse and I will probably find it hard to tear him away from the
"special" Dutch�cafes as he loves the green - he love green so much he even has
a skin colouration like it.� Also, he loves his ladies and he would most likely
keep running off to the red light district for some cheap quim, if you know what
I mean.
The trouble is getting from the airport to even the cab - I have known a
couple of people who were mugged doing just that.� Also, how will I know that
the person who meets me at the hotel is legit. and not just some desperado
pretending to be from the cosignment company?
How about you earn your keep and convince this Roland sucker that I need a
bit of special protection here?� There is no legitimate reason why I can't get a
photo of the person who will be picking me up - I am not going to release it, or
anything, and I will give it back to them when I see them in Holland.� I am
placing many thousands of dollars in faith in everybody, I don't think it is too
much to ask for some back.
Yours oscillatingly,
IC.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
Greetings to you!I am in receipt of your mail and I
quite understood all you have said.As you have said I
will advise that you go to western union money first
thing tomorrow as you have promised so that you can
find out what the problem is and see if they can
resend the money immediately with the correct
informations to enable it reflect on the system over
here.
As per the holland issue I will like you to see
reasons with the security company and Mr.Roland.He is
a very nice person,that is why I said you should keep
this transaction to yourself alone so that we will not
get everything mixed up.
All you need do is just for you to let Mr.Roland know
when you will be arriving holland so that he will
know,please do not allow anybody know that you are
going to holland for any transaction because you do
not have to trust anybody when it comes to money
matter.When you arrive holland call Mr Roland from
your hotel and he will meet with you to finanlise
everything with you,hope you understand,please I will
like you to understand with me and coperate with me
also so that we can get this transaction completed.
When you are back from western union money tomorrow
please let me know you outcome with them.
Thanks for everything,
Barrister Charles
From:
To:
Subject:
Charles:
I thought it best to reply immediately wrt Jackson Roland and the whole
Holland debacle.
I don't care what assurances are made to me about who will meet me at the
hotel, etc.� Up until that point, I am still just a little middle-aged woman in
a city notorious for its street crime and with literally tens of thousands of
dollars on my person.
What does the consignment company care if I bring my own security along?�
For all they know, I am merely picking up some leftover books and crap for a
sick lady.� Of course I would prefer to just go myself and keep this simple but
the bottom line is that I have to feel safe. [I'm trying every possible angle to convince them to send me that fooking photo.]
There is no reason for me not to know who is going to pick me up in advance
from the airport.� I expect a person holding up a placard with my full name "Ima
Choad" written on it.� Furthermore, I expect a clear photo of that person and
placard so that I will immediately recognise that said person in a
split-second.� I love and pray for Mary but refuse to risk my life with the
other [He, emphasis in other.] criminal elements roaming around the airport environs, ready to mug me,
steal from me, or even do worse to my still relatively pert and supple
body.
There is no reason why they cannot do this - I will not breach their
security protocols, or whatever, and promise to return the printed photo back to
them as soon as recognition is made.
The other acceptable solution, of course, is for you to meet me in
Holland.� I will require the same photo from you, in that case, as you will
remember that I have burnt your original photo as an offering so do not have it
any more. [A legit. out clause for him if it was really going to be the very same mugu who came to surprise me at the airport.]
Yours surreptitiously,
IC.
PS: I will, of course, get on to WU when they open.
[No response for a day (amazing for this over-eager mook) so I decide to try to re-thread the hook a tiny bit.]
From:
To:
Subject:
Got word back from WU...
They are performing an investigation into the "lost" $1000 but it may take
over a week.� I apologise for that but it is out of my hands now.
It seems the cashier who served me that day is not someone that they
recognise as an employee?� I was asked to describe him and I said that�the name
on his name tag was Buck Aneer.� I thought he looked a bit dodgy - he only had
one eye (he had an eyepatch), wore a big, gold earring and had a scraggly yellow
beard. [I suppose I could have made the beard black, or even blue - not a bad excuse for non-payment, hey?]
The giste I got was that this fellow impersonated a Western Union employee
and absconded with money during the day.� I have a feeling that WU will now have
to look into the matter to see how he managed to do it and what he escaped
with.
I will keep you posted as further developments arise,
Pustulent,
Ima.
From:
Subject:
Dear Ima,
Got your emails and all you said was noted.I will like
to inform you that I am not a small boy and as such I
think that I need some respect from you. [Aaw, poor baby is gonna cry...]
I will still like to inform you that I am a lawyer by
proffession and know all that I will be okay for you
regarding this transaction.I have told you that the
security company said that they will meet you at the
airport and that they will place a board with your
name boldly written on it so that you can locate them
easily. [What the frig does being a lawyer hafta do with knowing how insecure a foreign airport is? Full points for being an illogical loser, dickwad.]
You are making thing difficult for both myself and the
security company,and I must make you know what we are
doing is not a childs play.You have been playing me
that you sent money when you did not send.Please I
will like you to make me know if you still want to go
to holland to clear this consignments from holland or
not so that I will know.
As you can see that I have a job and I cannot leave my
job to meet with you in holland as you have said.I
will like you to get back to me so that I will know if
you are still intersted in this transaction or
not,because My client is really getting worried about
this whole thing.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Barrister Charles.
From:
To:
Subject:
Listen Charles:
I am not some babe in the woods, here.� I am the one taking all of the
risks and have been provided no security assertions, whatsoever.
1/. I simply stated that you could choose to go to Holland and pick me up -
this would circumvent Roland's flat-out refusal to provide a photograph.
2/. Are you calling me a liar about the $1000 I sent to you?� How dare
you!� As a Buddhist, I have taken a vow never to utter a falsehood...� [What a pity that I have flat-out lied several times and changed my own story to see if you
would notice.] It is out of my hands that Western Union had a lapse of security and that it seems a
charlatan was allowed to imitate a member of staff.. An investigation is under
way and as soon as I hear something about it, I will relay that information to
you.
3/.�It makes little difference to my sense of well-being if the "mystery"
staff member in Holland holds up a sign with my name on it.� I am not a tall
woman and by the time I find the person holding up a sign in an airport where
many people hold up signs, it may be too late and I might have already been
accosted by some mugging miscreant.� I still maintain that there it requires
minimal effort to provide me with a photograph of said personel holding the sign
so that I have an identical image to try to find when I scan the crowd.� I
really do not want to hear any horse-pucky about how doing so would be a breach
of any protocol or security - I have dealt with security officials from many
branches and organisations, from all around the world and not ever even remotely
heard of any BS like that before.
Let's face the facts here, Chuck, Mary does not have that much time left, I
presume so just tell Roland to stop fart arsing around and do what the nice,
little Buddhist lady politely asks.� After all, she is the one travelling half
way around the world with many thousands of dollars in cash in her possession.�
It is me taking all of the risks, so consequently, I get to call the
shots.
Do not ever dare say that I am the one being diffcult, bucko.� I have been
very trusting and easy-going althroughout this affair.� It is Roland who has
been the right, royal pain in the derriere, not me.� I am perfectly happy to
play along and withhold the truth from Roland about the contents of the boxes
but why don't you get on the phone to him and convince him that it is in his
best interest to humour the American visitor?
Firmly but politely, [Haha, people who actually personally know me know that I often use this expresion when I tell what what's what.]
Ima.
CONTINUED ON PAGE 3.
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Last Update: 21/06/2004 |