By: Karen Grieff, LCSW,
A philosophy instructor once said, "Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived." Indeed, there is a profound difference in seeing life's twists and turns as problems needing solutions versus mysteries to be lived.
When we take a problem solving approach, we remain outside of the process and create a success or failure tension. Yet, when we understand life as a mystery and become part of it, those tensions are irrelevant. As a medical social worker, I often speak to people with ostomies.
Typically, I ask about adjustment. The usual response is "no problem." Several probing (and often unwelcome) questions later it is clear that the individual is focused on the mechanics and maintenance of the appliance. Even if for the most part he/she has come to terms with its intricacies and nuances, learning what works and what doesn't and to accommodate this new and demanding reality, the reply may again be, "no problem." But this can also mean "I don't want to talk." Neither answers the question though, but may suggest that we are simply more comfortable discussing what we believe we have control over.
Now, the subject of "ostomy" is a land mine with its attendant emotions and practical frustrations. It is a daily reminder that cannot be escaped. The ostomy patient is different in that there is significant, visible, tangible and enduring alteration. The ostomy patient cannot always control what will happen with elimination or skin integrity or the appliance itself. He/she cannot plan out every moment and be guaranteed the outcome. The unpredictable cannot be ruled out one hundred percent. One must now live with uncertainty about what others take for granted. No two people have the same experience. They may be alike in background and overall health, with similar disease courses necessitating surgery. But they will not have the same "experience", for it is not life's events which shape and renew us, but rather what we understand them to mean. If you see the ostomy and living with it as a problem to overcome, that will be your focus. Conversely, if you see the ostomy and living with it as part of the greater mystery, your focus will broaden and deepen.
Having the courage to acknowledge to yourself that the ostomy is often a nuisance and aggravation, while accepting your feelings about what happened, is the first step into the mystery and the potential for personal peace.
Via: Orange Oasis & Ostomatic News, Dallas, TX
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