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People usually ask obvious
situations and some equally stupid answers:
1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Don't u
know, I sell tickets in black over here.
2. In the bus: A
heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on
your feet...
Stupid Question:
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not
at all, I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't you try
again?
3. At a funeral:
One of the teary eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: Why?
Would it rather have been you?
4. At a
restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:
Is the "Paneer Butter Masala" dish good?
Answer: No, it's
terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occasionally also spit on it.
5. At a family
get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after
years.
Stupid Question:
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer: Well you
haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend
announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:
Is the guy you're marrying well?
Answer: No, he's
a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout...it's just
the money.
7. When you get
woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:
Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer: No. I was
doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa
marry or not. And you thought I was sleeping.... You dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a
friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: No, its
autumn and I'm shedding.
9.At the dentist
when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: No it
won't. It will just bleed.
10. You are
smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: Gosh,
it's a miracle ...it was a piece of chalk and now it's in
flames!
STUPID QUESTIONS
WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:-
BOY : May I hold
your hand?
GIRL : No thanks,
it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you
love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love
me...
GIRL : If we
become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure,
what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think
the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry
me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I
want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you
ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you
and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go
to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but
would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you
ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did
once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his
mouth.
MAN : You remind
me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because
I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because
you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a
man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of
the other.
HUSBAND : You
tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes
out of the mouth.
MARY : John says
I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of
both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend :
"...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead
Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher :
"Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The
moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon
gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher :
"What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A
teacher".
4) Waiter :
"Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What
other colors do you have?"
5) My father is
so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
6) Teacher :
"Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a
family tradition".
Teacher : "What
do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my
grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What
about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a
woman".
7) Tom : "How
should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just
send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".
8) Teacher :
"Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student :
"Brotherly love".
9) Teacher :
"Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I
don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient :
"What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One
hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : "
Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student :
"Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."
12) Teacher : "
George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him ?"
One Student: "
Because George still had the axe in is hand."
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