| Lurtz: Woke up naked and covered in goo. Why do they call creation beautiful again? Saruman won't let me put on cloths unless it's a short red dress his ex used to wear, rather go naked, like the nice breeze anyway. Got to eat nice size orc today. Nice and tasty like chicken, only w/ more white meat. Saruman pestering me. 'When are you going to get ring?' 'Why don't you get ring?' If hear one more questions bout ring will shoot arrows up his... Will get damn ring since he cut off my orc supply, need something to eat. Hope fellowship will be tasty. Slapped white stuff on other Uruk Hai's face while screaming, orc started laughing so bit off his nose. What's wrong w/ getting excited bout war? It means fast food in my dictionary. Can't find female anywhere, why didn't Saruman make female to play 'how good do you taste' with? Am lonely. Going on interview for bachelor show before continue look for fellowship. Interview didn't go well. They asked, 'what are your interests?' Said, 'well... I like to kidnap short girls w/ big hairy feet and eat flesh, preferably man flesh.' They said I had too much uniqueness and can't be the bachelor. Also said couldn't be naked on show. Just jealous that they don't look as hott as self w/ goo covered body and white stuff on face. Others complain bout my eating the orcs, say won't be able to destroy fellowship if I don't stop. All bloody sensitive disfigured creatures, what's wrong w/ wanting to eat a finger or two anyway? Met up w/ fellowship. Saw elf manicuring her nails, wonder if elf wouldn't mind quick shag before kill her... Later Nope, she called on others, had very bloody and aggressive battle. Nearly got to shag the girl who wanted ring as had her on the ground, but other hairy female prevented me. Never get laid at this rate. Killed by rugged female while I was eating self... not that way. Was disappointed as wanted to eat the horn girl. Ah well, my blood tasted better anyway. |