The Date Episode
Tuesday: Late afternoon-
Strozzi and Liszt have run into each other while out doing errands. Here they are walking down Main Street together.
Strozzi: Well Franz, fancy meeting you here -- and unattended by ladies! Whatever could it mean?
Liszt: unattended no longer, Barbara. (grins, holds his arm out for her) What are you doing out and about?
Strozzi: I was sent to buy green tea at the Natural Foods Market. Hildegard forgot yesterday. (holds up bag) you?
Liszt: Piano lesson earlier. (notes where they are on street) have you been into L'Apocalypse yet?
Strozzi: No, is that where they cook the good baguettes?
Liszt: Yes, let's get some coffee and a snack.
(They enter the bakery, where the owner Pierre Schaeffer is talking to some of his French friends at the counter. Strange high pitched electronic music persists faintly in the background; Strozzi frowns)
Strozzi: is that..... a sine wave?
Liszt(quietly): They have rather avant garde tastes here..
Strozzi: I see... (she looks around, takes in the counter along the backwall with the art deco bar seats - the kitchen is visible behind, although no one seems to be working currently. In fact, between the lazy curves of the furniture, the cool colors of the decor, and the slow conversation of the black-clad guys up front, it seems quite the relaxed intellectual sort of atmosphere. Liszt saunters to the counter)
Liszt: bonjour, amis
Schaeffer: eh, it's Franz!
Boulez: I haven't seen you in a while-
Henry: Yes, where have you been for so long?
Foucault: You haven't even sent any delivery boys lately...
Schaeffer: That's right you haven't payed for your baguettes from last week!
Liszt: What a welcome! at least let me introduce my friend - fellow composer Barbara Strozzi .
Henry(quick to shake her hand): Hello, I'm Pierre
Strozzi: Hello
Schaeffe: I am Pierre as well-
Strozzi: hah - that's easy to remember
Boulez(shakes hand): Nice to meet you, I'm Pierre-
Strozzi(laughs): What - you are all playing a joke on me!
Liszt: I'm afraid they are not very creative in France - every 3rd name is Pierre.
Foucault(nods): my friend and I account for the other two-thirds.. I am Michel; he is Jean.
Barraque(to Foucault): But you have a German name from school, yes? der Fuchs-
Schaeffer: no one speaks German around here! that is for those dogs across the street (points behind them, across the street they see a similar-looking shop with cafe tables along the sidewalk. The name reads the Red Hedgehog.)
Liszt: Shh, we don't talk about the German bakery in here...
(As they are laughing, the door swings open, and a young fellow with a mess of longish brown hair sweeps into the store - he has sharp features, accentuated by his angry glare. He stalks up to the counter and addresses Schaeffer.)
Guy: Excuse me, sir. I'm looking for a French restaurant around town - Cafe Michel?? I was wondering if someone could advise me as to where it MIGHT be!
Liszt: Oh yes! That's a good place, especially for dates-
Guy: Yes. Well. I have one there in 10 minutes.
Henry: What - how can you make a date and not know where you are going!
Foucault: Or rather.. how can you make a date and not know the restaurant is closed on Tuesdays?
Guy: WHAT -- I'll kill him.
Strozzi(amused): Oh, a blind date... (the stranger notices Strozzi - loses the glare, replaces it with a dashing smile.)
Liszt: Well you are going to have to go there anyway and meet the lady.. it's-
Guy: (sits at bar, looks to Schaeffer) You do espresso here?
Schaeffer: You don't need one. But yes..
Guy(sigh): This is what happens when you let your friends set you up on dates.. some friend of his girlfriend's looking for a date- I should have known better.. Damn damn damn!
Liszt: But you can't leave her there.
Guy(looks at Liszt suddenly): You seem like a right dashing fellow, how about you go instead of me? then it saves you the trouble of explaining to me where the damned place is..
Liszt: what -!
(The others laugh)
Schaeffer: oh don't ask Franz, he may just take you up on the offer.
Liszt: I can't just leave -
Strozzi: Don't be silly, you know you'd go if I weren't here. I can find my way home. (she catches his eye, then nods - he turns back to the stranger at the counter)
Liszt: Well.. (shrugs) all right. Who am I replacing?
Guy(shakes his hand, grinning toothily): Hugo Wolf - song writer, critic, and general good for nothing.
Liszt: I'm a composer too - Franz Liszt - we'll have to talk later, but I must run -- for your date! (exit)
Wolf: haha!
Schaeffer(sets Wolf's espresso on the counter): I told you he'd agree..
Wolf: So then.. (takes a sip) ahh, that's good. (Wolf glances around; three seats down, Boulez and Barraque have resumed conversation about serialism) ...you all are friends here?
Strozzi(sits next to him): They are - I just came in for the first time today with Franz. I'm one of his housemates. I'm Barbara
Wolf(shakes hand): Hugo - very nice to meet you. Are you a composer as well?
Strozzi(smiles): Song writer.
Wolf: Coincidence...! And a critic ?
Strozzi: So I've been told.
Wolf: And.... dateless this evening?
Strozzi: ... this evening..
Wolf(makes a show of pondering): That is a strange coincidence indeed.. Perhaps we should remedy the situation and have dinner? (she seems to be thinking) - on the condition that you pick the restaurant.
Strozzi(smiles): All right..
Wolf: Preferably one that's open..
Strozzi: How about Italian..?
Wolf: Already better..
Soon at the house there is general pandemonium as everyone is trying to get ready for a date at the same time. Cut to second floor as Wagner forcibly throws Tchaikovsky out of the bathroom -
Tchaik: HEY! I wasn't finished!!
Wagner: Unavoidable circumstances compell me to seek out .... women's makeup.. (throws open a drawer and begins rooting through)
Tchaik: What?!! (Wagner turns and glares at him - Tchaik realizes his black eye has not completely healed) Oh! You need some even-out makeup.. Right... Hold on (disappears, returns shortly with a box of supplies.) We need to match your skin tone now.... I think you are darker than I am - I can't tan to save my life! (picks out a bottle, holds it up to Wagner's cheek)
Wagner: Excuse me!
(Beethoven appears in the doorway.)
Beethoven: Is my hair brush in here?
Tchaik: You own a brush?? Oh don't run off - you need some of this too. Here, Richard (hands him a tube of makeup). Do you have a date tonight too, Ludwig?
Beethoven: (unintelligible grumble)
Wagner: Well, you'll have to prepare for it elsewhere. I'm afraid this room has reached capacity!
(Beethoven pushes in past Tchaikovsky and opens a drawer)
Beethoven: ... I need my brush.
Tchaik: Hey! What do you people think you can just push me around!?
(Mozart sticks his head around the doorway and observes..)
Mozart: It's the three stooges!
Tchaik: AGh - dont sneak up on me like that!
Beethoven(has found a brush): This one's mine?
Wagner: No, Ludwig, I believe that is mine.
Beethoven: I dont know.. mine had a blue handle.
Wagner: I think I would be far better qualified than you to recognize my own hair care accessories, Ludwig. After all, I use them more than once a fortnight.
(Mozart disappears again, though they can hear him laughing down the hall and stairs.)
In the kitchen Mozart finds Bach (recently returned from work) and Brahms. The two are seated at the table going over counterpoint while Zacara bustles around at the counter, chopping green peppers and onions.
Zacara: Coming home and cooking for myself.. Why don't I find a nice girlfriend to do this for me?
Brahms: ..more trouble than its worth. You should just live off Twinkies and Beer.
Mozart: Hey, speaking of girlfriends, Ludwig is going on a date with his tonight. I'm sure of it. He was just looking for his hair brush now.
Zacara: Is the implication that he wishes to brush his hair?
Mozart: I think so.
Zacara: The things you learn.... - mm fresh cut green pepper.. Life is good again..
Mozart(sits at the table, folds hands like a proper businessman): Well, gentlemen. I propose we follow him on said date. It will be an opportunity to find out if the girl actually exists. And to cause trouble, of course.
Brahms: ...does that include sabotage?
Mozart: Absolutely.
Bach(has been quiet all this time perusing a fugue): Johannes, are these parallel fifths???
Brahms: WHAT- (grabs paper)
Bach(chuckles): Ok, just making sure your priorities were straight.
Zacara: Maybe you should go along on the sabotage party and make sure no one gets killed, JS.
Bach: I suppose that could be a pleasant change from sitting around writing cantatas all night..
(Pause as Beethoven is seen running by in the hall - towards the front door)
Mozart(hops up): Come! The subject is on the run already! (dashes out; Brahms stuffs the fugue into his pocket and follows. Bach stands, stretches and turns to Zacara.)
Bach: No rest for the weary, I tell you..
Zacara: I'll save you some of Antonio's Special Sauce, eh?
Bach: As long as it's not like Mozart Fruit Punch! (runs out to catch the others)
Zacara stays in the kitchen, humming to himself something that sounds vaguely like a tune out of Tristan and Isolde.. Enter Mussorgsky, sniffing.
Mussorgsky: hm.. garlic peppers onion...
Zacara: Yes, making some tomato sauce.
Mussorgsky: I dont smell any tomatoes.
Zacara: You just don't understand the plight of the Italian people. On the Ingredients-Sauce Continuum, this is still pretty close to the Ingredients stage.
Mussorgsky: I see..
(enter Hildegard)
Hildegard: Ah, what's going on? Do you have any idea what this world is coming to? I just saw Pyotr giving Richard makeup tips in the bathroom!
Zacara: Soon you'll be the only one without makeup, Hildegard.
Hildegard: Tell me about it. How are you, Modest?
Mussorgsky(looks in fridge): too sober...
Hildegard: What - is that your grand plan for tonight? To drink?
Mussorgsky: should be quiet.. everyone else is going out
Zacara: AMEN.
Meanwhile, Bach, Mozart and Brahms have collided in the front yard, trying to follow Beethoven without being seen. They are all huddled in a bush outside the front door.
Mozart(peeking from behind a branch): he's going to town ON FOOT - no wonder he's leaving so early!
Bach: yeah, well, if I had a car like his, I wouldn't take it on a date either.
Brahms: Oh yes, I often find that walking home through the pouring rain at 3am is a good way to diffuse post-date anxiety. (Bach smacks him in the arm)
Bach: Next item on agenda: get you a girlfriend.
Mozart: Come on, you guys - concentration! Do you realize how difficult its going to be to trail him along the road for a half hour?
Bach: hm, yes, I see the difficulty: nowhere to hide.
Brahms: trashcans... trees
Mozart: Three of us trying to squeeze behind a trashcan.. (laughs) I should have brought my camera!! Damn, I'll get it now - (darts back into the house)
Bach: This is going to be a long evening.
Brahms: You have to take the camera from him..
Meanwhile at Il Palazzo's - the fancy new Italian restaurant downtown - Strozzi and Hugo Wolf are enjoying pleasant conversation and tasty food.
Wolf: So wait - how many are there??
Strozzi: 13 of us, I think...
Wolf: hah - is that even legal?
Strozzi: I don't know. But the neighbors seem not to have figured it out yet.
Wolf: 13 composers in one house.. unreal. But you know I have a friend who lives in that neighborhood. Perhaps you know him? A composer too - Gustav Mahler?
Strozzi(clears throat on iced tea): hm?
Wolf: I suppose he's better known as the opera conductor..
Strozzi: oh.. no..I suppose I haven't...
Wolf(grins): Well that's all for the better. He's quite the ladies man--
Strozzi: Oh really? ... Takes one to know one?
Wolf: Aw I wouldn't say that...
Back at the house, Tchaikovsky is trying to get Wagner out of the bathroom.
Tchaik: Ok, Richard. I think that's enough. You look fine. I can't tell you have a black eye.
Wagner: Such banal language! Step aside, The True Artist needs to appreciate the work he creates and I must needs find the proper shade of peach to match the delicate and fiery shade - (tries to move Tchaik away from the mirror)
Tchaik: It's not like you're going to a drag ball! Now brush your teeth and GO!
Wagner(offended): Perhaps I shall take my toothbrush and toothpaste ELSEWHERE. (takes said objects, storms out)
Tchaik(calls after him): And you still owe me a game of Rummy! God.. (locks door)
Meanwhile Beethoven is approaching town; he has realized that he has more time than he thought originally, so now he's gone from his brisk pace to a more leisurely stride, hands behind back, admiring the summer afternoon. Thirty yards behind him, Bach, Mozart, and Brahms are sneaking along, trying not to look ridiculous each time they dive behind a parked car or trashcan at the slightest turn of their housemate's head. Things seemed to have calmed down for the moment, Beethoven's attention distracted by the tune he's humming...
Mozart(pulls out camcorder): Ah, I think we need to record this entire evening as a documentary -- like Super-Size Me, only it will contain even more horrific truths. JS - go stand in front of the camera and give the audience a few introductory words.
Bach: ah... ok.. (stands in front of Mozart, folds hands primly) Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here-
Mozart: Hah! wait for me to turn it on, fool!
Brahms: uh, guys - we're standing in someone's driveway.. and they're trying to back out.. (A blue sedan is slowly creeping towards them)
Mozart(looks over camera): Don't these people understand anything about the creative artist? We need our space! Come on... (They move along and are set up again soon)
Bach(to camera): Good Evening! I'd like to invite you viewers to this special television event documenting the escapades of our housemate Ludwig van Beethoven on his date with Mystery Woman. We're your hosts JS (bows slightly), Wolfy (Mozart waves his hand obnoxiously in front of the camera), and Johannes. (Mozart spins the camera toward Brahms, who is standing much closer than he thought-)
Brahms(tries to protect self): agh - god - get that thing away!
Mozart(unaffected): and that! (zooms in after Beethoven) Is our subject. Today's goal: Discover the Identity of Ludwig's Mystery Girlfriend.. More to follow.. (shuts it off) Come on - we have to catch up..
All does not go according to plan, because Wagner is at this very moment driving to the flowershop before HIS date. He slows down when he notices the three trailing Beethoven. Finally he lowers the passenger window and cries out-
Wagner: What is this chicanery! What are you fools about?
Mozart: Hi Richard! Would you like to be fillmed for posterity's sake?
Wagner: Are you following Ludwig! Trying to sabotage his romantic relations -- I know how your petty minds work!
Bach: Excuse me?
Wagner: Well, how some of your petty minds work! (glares at Brahms, who glares back) I SHALL WARN HIM! (slams fist onto car horn -- Mozart Bach and Brahms immediately scatter - Brahms grabs the tree branch overhead and hauls himself out of sight - Bach and Mozart dive behind the nearest trashcan, trying to position themselves properly) Fools! I'll foil your schemes! (drives up next to Beethoven, who has turned around scowling at the noise)
Beethoven: Richard!
Wagner: Come friend - (extends hand toward passenger seat) I shall give you a ride to town! Foul Schemers are about and trying to destroy your happiness! Now's your chance to throw them off the trail!
Beethoven(frowns, glances back over shoulder): What are you talking about?
Wagner: Three of your so-called friends are out this very moment attempting to sabotage your evening!!
Beethoven: uh..... I'd rather walk. It's a nice evening and I don't want to get there too early. Thanks for the warning, though.. (glances back again - still nothing) I'll.. I'll keep an eye out.
Wagner: Very well! May the Luck of the Chosen be with you! (rolls up window, speeds off)
Beethoven: what the.... (shrugs, quickens his pace nonetheless)
Mozart (still behind the trashcan) is already rolling the film again, following Wagner's car with the camera.
Mozart: Ohh yesss, and the arch-villain Richard Wagner speeds off, assured of his easy victory, but little does he know VICTORY - (catches self, lowers voice) victory will not come so easily......
Back at the house, Tchaik shows up in the kitchen, where Hildegard, Ives, Zacara, and Mussorgsky are attempting to coexist peacefully. Tchaik stands in the doorway, looking uncomfortable.
Hildegard: Pyotr, you're dressed up tonight - what's going on?
Tchaik: Well that's the problem.. I have a date.
Mussorgsky: yeah thats a problem around here, seems..
Ives: That's swell news. Who's the lucky lady?
Hildegard&Muss: Lady?
Ives: Ah... hm.. right. Who is it?
Tchaik: Well, that's just the problem! (sits between Zacara and Ives) I have a date with this cute pianist -- but now I've discovered myself to be in love with a soprano! I can't keep jumping around in the instrumental groups like this. I thought I had sworn off vocalists, but she -- she's just amazing... (sighs)
Zacara&Ives: She?
Ives: Wait... so who's the pianist?
Tchaik: visiting adjunct on the faculty at the conservatory - he's a charming creature, really, but -
Ives(hand to head): I thought you were in love with a woman!
Tchaik: I am. (notes the confusion) What? There's such a thing as the Straight-Gay Continuum, you know! Right, Modest?
Mussorgsky: mm... (shrugs) this has nothing to do with the plight of the Russian people...
Ives: I'm confused.
Tchaik: It's quite simple, Charles. I have a date tonight with a guy I've been flirting with, the pianist -- unfortunately, I discovered yesterday that my true love is my friend Desire�, the soprano. So.... I guess I'll have to tell Yuri that it's off.... eventually. (stands, satisfied) Ok, good then - well thanks for your helps, guys. I'd better be going! (exit)
(pause)
Zacara: eh.... so.... I'm glad I've done my humanitarian deed for the day.
Hildegard: Why did he ask you about the Straight-Gay Continuum, Modest?
Mussorgsky: (shrugs lazily)
Meanwhile, Beethoven finally reaches main street, having stopped along the road to pick up some wild flowers. He has sensed eyes on his back, but resisted the temptation to turn around...Now he picks up the sound of laughter from behind him -- he spins around too quickly for the spies even to move.
Mozart(camera rolling): OHhh - shit - caught red-handed! The subject has spotted his observers!
Beethoven(shakes fist): WHAT!
Bach: haha. (waves back) We're in trouble now...
Beethoven(checks watch): ach, no time for threats.... must lose them! (breaks into a full-out run down the street)
Mozart: OHHH - DONT LOSE HIM! (the three dash after him, Mozart trying to close up the camera as he goes) Oh - too slow - you two go on -- Get him, Hannes youre the fastest! (Brahms sprints ahead)
Beethoven(glances over shoulder as he darts around an old lady): oh damn... not ... going to outrun ...grrahh.. (ducks down an alley, jumping over a homeless man on the way)
Man: Spare change, man?
(Beethoven doesnt hear as he is trying to pull open a heavy metal door to some unknown shop - Brahms comes dashing around the corner)
Man: spare a dime, man?
Brahms: Ah hah!
Beethoven(glares at him from down the alley): GO AWAY! (disappears inside)
Brahms: gr.. (runs after him) ...physical activity...
(Bach comes around the corner next, already red-faced.. he is greeted by an empty alley)
Man: Help the homeless, man!
Bach: Ah. yes (throws him a $5 bill) which way did he go -- the guy with messy hair??
Man(points): second door on left
Bach: thanks! (continues along)
(Next comes Mozart, lugging the camera along. He observes a moment.)
Man: Spare change?
Mozart: Wait a minute, I'll join you begging... I suppose he wouldn't have run straight through - Hannes would have caught him by then. He's had to go into a building... Its more likely he'll come out through the front, though! (walks back to mainstreet, pulls out cell phone)
Meanwhile -- Beethoven finds himself in a darkly-lit back storage room with a ton of boxes.
Beethoven: hmm... (pushes a bunch of the boxes in front of the door and forages onward, not long after he hears the disruption of falling boxes as Brahms comes in -- Beethoven ducks down and crawls along toward a wall.) light switches... nice... (smacks them off - total darkness ensues)
Brahms: What -- Idiot! Now you can't see either!
Beethoven: (doesn't answer, tries to make his way toward what he assumes to be the front of the store; Enter Bach, light of the outside flooding in and blinding Brahms)
Bach: What the ---
Brahms: wait - keep that door open - i'll adjust... (squints, looks back)
(Beethoven meanwhile is feeling his way -- into a wall --)
Beethoven: grr... (it feels to be flimsy, as in a temporary sort of padded wall. He throws his weight into it and falls foward as it breaks down -- revealing a dressing room)
Girl(in lingerie): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Bach: What is going on?! (Beethoven's cell phone goes off, ringing to the tune of Mozart's A major piano sonata)
Beethoven: AGHHH! (stumbles away as fast as possible)
---Cut to street, where Mozart has the camera rolling again.
Mozart(holding phone proudly): Yes, ladies and gentlemen, his options - if he chose the alley doors on the right and left -- appear to have been (directs camera to store name) The Watch Shop -- or (zooms left) Victoria's Secret! I, for one, have got my money on Victoria's Secret....
Back inside---
Brahms and Bach have found the proper entrance to the main store where they are greeted by a bewildering array of colorful lingerie..
Bach: uhhh..... I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore..
(The girl from the dressing room comes out, furious and only half-dressed)
Girl: Where's the security around here! What the heck!! That guy totally just knocked the wall down!! Get him!
Bach: ah, so we've found the right place.
Brahms(sits in nearby chair and observes appreciatively): I'll say...
Bach: Oh get up -- youre terrible - (pulls him away, heads for the front door)
Brahms: What? What are we doing?
Bach: We're trying to keep up with Ludwig - come on!
(Beethoven runs out of the store frantically trying to avoid offending more people -- of course he comes face-to-camera with Mozart the second he opens the door)
Mozart: AH! I told you it was the Victoria's Secret -- not a doubt in my mind!
Beethoven: GRAHH! (shoves a hand to the camera and takes off down street again)
Mozart: (stumbles back into a lamp post) oghhh! let it be seen what a dangerous service we undertake for the betterment of mankind!
(Brahms and Bach run out)
Bach: Where'd he go?
Mozart: Down the street - (Brahms dashes off again) ohh - take the camera, JS!
Bach: What? it's heavy!
Mozart: Too much so for my frail limbs!
Meanwhile on the other side of town, Richard Wagner is marching out of the flower store, a small bouquet of purple lilacs in hand. He pauses a moment on the last step and surveys.
Wagner: Ah, Mankind - how do we strive to organize and control nature - even to drive her from our very homes and workplaces. And yet in our time of need we turn back to her nurturing bosom, to the leaves and flowers that shade and greet us -- to (sniffs bouquet) easily marketable bunches of blossoms.. Ahhhh, life -- (notices across the street a strange figure - a man dancing with a throng of puppies around him) What in the -- Is that Schumann!? (he squints and realizes that Schumann is actually inside the pet store in the display case with said puppies) The Man is gone mad! (sighs) Well, not as if those more perceptive of us observers of Human Nature hadn't seen this unfortunate circumstance even in its early stages... And yet I must be off. Priscilla awaits! (marches onward to his restaurant)
Ahead to Beethoven, who ducks down another side street and slows his pace.
Beethoven: agh... out... need.. more exercise... (glances at his reflection in a shop window) oh... mess! (runs a hand through hair - it does nothing) Grr.. I'll kill them. ... Richard was right! (Suddenly the shop door opens and Liszt appears, looking concerned, lady at his side.)
Liszt: Ludwig, are you quite all right? You look like you're running the marathon!
Beethoven: I am!! Idiots on my tail - hide me!
(He goes in with them just as Brahms runs around the corner-)
Liszt(leads him back to their table): Come, sit down.. This is Lila (she smiles at Beethoven) My housemate Ludwig.. (they sit) Here, have my water, Man -- you're a mess!
Beethoven(takes a gulp): I am. (sets down the wildflowers on the table. They are wilty and crushed along the stems) Richard warned me, you know.. As I was walking into town... he said they were following me.
Liszt: Who??
Beethoven: Johannes, Wolfgang, and JS.
Liszt: And you are running from them! I thought you had the mafia on your tail - you could take all three of them single handedly.
Beethoven: Well I didn't want a confrontation.. (ducks down suddenly) gr...
(Brahms is walking around on the street, catching his breath and interviewing passers-by for clues as to Beethoven's whereabouts.)
Brahms: Excuse me... (an old woman pauses) Have you seen a young guy with messy hair run by here?
Woman: Sorry, no..
Beethoven: I'm going to be late if I dont get out of here soon -- why won't the fool get out of the way of the door! He's hovering right there.....!
Lila: I'll go distract him... (nods, gets up)
Liszt: Hah (to Beethoven) she studies music, you know? I think she's less crazy than the one Hildegard brought home yesterday.
Beethoven: That's not saying much...(pulls out cell phone, dials, brightens at the answer) .... My Love - yes, I'm fine, but we have to change restuarants. You're not there yet, are you? ......it's just - well I'm being followed..... No, nothing like that! (Liszt grins) I'll explain later......... Ok, that sounds good. Meet you there shortly --
Cut back to Main Street, where Bach and Mozart are lost; Mozart still in possession of the camera and narrating as they stand at a crossroads.
Mozart: Ah, which way? The cunning subject has ducked into some store, but has he stayed on Main Street or taken off down 5th?? I suppose our investigative team shall have to split up!
Bach: You could call Johannes.
Mozart: Let's split up -- he's standing right down there - (gestures down side street)
Bach: Oh, yeah, I guess he's lost too.. damn.. I'll continue down this way (jogs down Main Street)
Mozart: Hm... (notices woman come out of the restaurant and approach Brahms) Or perhaps a little digressionary buffa subplot might be an interesting distraction from the main drama.. (zooms in while sneaking closer)
Down the street:
Lila: Excuse me, young sir - you look lost, can I help?
Brahms(turns around): Hi. I'm looking for someone.. You wouldn't happen to have seen a guy about my height - messy dark hair - run by??
Lila: oh.... (makes a point of thinking) He had flowers in his hand?
Brahms(brightens): Yes.
Lila: I did indeed - he came this way (starts walking down street; Brahms comes along) Is he a friend of yours?
Brahms: Yes, he's in trouble.
Lila(mock concern): Trouble?
Meanwhile on Main Street, Bach is surprised to find no trace of Beethoven, but rather Barbara Strozzi and-
Bach: Who is THAT?
- Hugo Wolf strolling together in front of him.
Bach: What... I thought she was seeing our neighbor! This is interesting.. (he falls into line behind them, trying to catch up to overhear the conversation)
Back in the restaurant, Liszt is trying to tidy Beethoven's appearance, dabbing at his face with a moist napkin-
Beethoven: Cold! Come on, I have to go--
Liszt: If you're looking dapper enough she won't mind if you're five minutes late..
Beethoven: (struggles to the front of the restaurant - Liszt smiles apologetically at the servers ) I have to go. Thanks for your help, Franz.
Liszt: All right. You're not so red anymore. Good luck - (shakes his hand)
Beethoven: Yes, and thank your lady friend for helping out when she comes back.
(Beethoven opens the door and peeks out - Mozart has just passed by, still following Brahms and Lila with his camera. Beethoven nods to himself, then heads off in the opposite direction.)
Liszt: Ah... (remembers) lady friend -- yes, is she coming back?
Cut to said lady friend, who is leading Brahms into some shop along the street.
Lila: I know he ducked into one of these stores.. Was it this one? Let's see (takes his hand) - oh, I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself - I'm Lila.
Brahms: Johannes (looks around: it's a strange sort of incense/new age shop) Hm.. He picks the strangest stores to come in..I don't see any sign..
Lila: So what's on this date that you have to save him from?
Brahms: A wo-- (clears throat) excuse me - A wonder you ask... he's .. he's not been himself lately.. he's.. been on some antidepressant, and he doesn't want to make a bad impression in such a state. You know, wouldn't want to scare off the girl..
Lila: Ah, so you're saving him from himself?
Brahms: That's one way of putting it..
Back to Main Street--
Wolf: So you know... I had a really great time this evening - I'm even glad I came out on a blind date!
Strozzi: Ah, I did too...
Bach(sneaking behind, muttering to self): Oh, the scandal!
Wolf: So shall we do it again?
Bach: do what!
Strozzi(hesitating): ... hm...
Wolf: Ah, of course. You're seeing someone else.
Strozzi: Well... it's .. rather... amorphous... I - Surely you're seeing someone.
Wolf: No, I'm open to suggestions. (grins)
Strozzi: well... maybe we can figure something out..
Bach: Oh my ears...!
Back to the restaurant, Liszt is wondering where Styra has gone off to.
Liszt: Hm.. Perhaps I should pay the bill and send out a search party..??
Down the street Mozart has set up the camera on a bench and now is kneeling in front of it - his face very close to the lens - from time to time he tilts and shakes the camera..
Mozart(frantically): Hour two, man -- I cant go on!! I havent eaten -- I havent slept - i Havent written any music=- and i dont even know where anyone is!! Whats going on!! (a door creaks) OH MY GOD what was that sound?!!! (looks around frantically - to see Brahms and Lila emerge from the shop a few doors down; Mozart stands again - shoots camera, assume Omnipotent Narrator Tone�) Ah yes - where we were? The cunning female of the species continues to lead on her hapless fool astray, onto the site of SLAUGHTER....
On the other side of town, Wagner and his date Priscilla stand at the lobster tank in Ocean Wealth, a fancy Japanese restaurant. Priscilla, wide-eyed and admiring, listens to Wagner rhapsodize on the phenomenon of fresh cooked lobster.
Wagner: yea, we must preserve the ties with our Nordic ancestors, the seaman and the fisherman - for even as they struggle with the forces of Nature to eke out meagre sustenance, we too must strive to overcome the over-processed marketplace today. See now these primal beasts as they battle for dominance!
(while he lectures another couple comes up on the other side of the tank)
Wagner: and this one - fiery and passionate -- the king of the tank- his time has arrived! (he bumps into a spindly young man)
YoungMan: ... that one! (pointing at same lobster)
Wagner: Excuse me, sir. I have already laid claim to that particular specimen.
YoungMan: I see no one fishing it out for you.
Wagner: You must be joking - you haven't the stuff to do justice to a lobster like that!
(Tchaik comes around tank)
Tchaik: What's the problem, Yur-- RICHARD!
Wagner(bristles): what is this nonsense! Do you know this -- (realizes this must be Tchaik's date Yuri ) -- QUATSCH!
Yuri(to Tchaik): You know this jerk?
Tchaik(embarrassed): he's one of my housemates!
Yuri: .. and he wants MY lobster....
(Yuri and Wagner glare at each other)
Back to Wolf, Strozzi, and Bach, who are now turning off Main Street as a unit, Bach trailing behind the two.
Strozzi: Well.. I think next Saturday .. should be open...
Wolf: Ach, I have a concert to attend..
Strozzi: Concert?
Wolf: Yes, my friend-- (he pauses as Strozzi dives behind a large urn of petunias)... ah... hem.. Are you quite all right?
Strozzi: Ah... (sniffs flowers) Time to stop and smell the... blossoms?
Wolf(takes cunning glance down street- two men being are dragged out of a restaurant by a tall Asian man): Friends of yours??
Strozzi(peeks around urn): ... one housemate.. I don't recognize the other -- Pyotr! (Tchaik has come out of the restaurant with Priscilla, now joining Yuri and Wagner who are complaining vociferously to the tall Asian man.)
Bach(muttering): Why didn't I take the camcorder??
Back on the other side of town, Brahms is trying to extricate himself from the company of the ever-cloying Lila; Mozart trails along talking to himself and the camera..
Mozart: Not the Taco Bell! Ohhh, ladies and gentlemen, how many good composers have we lost in a Taco Bell? Only the purest of artists can enter such an establishment and return from its dark depths unblemished!!
Brahms(stops before the Taco Bell): Er - I'm not sure he would come in here-
Lila: But that's what he'd expect you to think.
Brahms(grumbling): I hate tacos...
Lila: Let's look - (takes his arm; pauses) oh, your arm is so muscular-
Brahms: What - I thought I saw someone - (he strides into the restaurant- pauses, looks around, but this plan is upset by the entrance of a rather lipidinously-gifted couple. He is jostled aside into yet another couple on their way out -)
Brahms: grr - excuse me -
Schumann(burrito in hand): HARK! 'tis the young eagle! What nightly flies of dubious double wing is this!?
Brahms: Robert?!
Schumann: Clever mischief, do I spy -- yet another of these cohorts do errantly wandring by your side bring upon you great danger and imminent latitudinal doom.
Brahms(smirks, glances over shoulder - Lila is returning): You haven't introduced me to your (pause) friend..?
Schumann: Ah! (makes a wide sweeping gesture - then says simply) This is Clara.
(Clara is tall and thin, with large almond-shaped eyes.)
Clara: nice to meet you (they shake)
Mozart(sneaking into Taco Bell): Ah, what's this? Robert Schumann - with a lady friend! UNHEARD O--- OMH!! (stumbles as some rambunctious four year olds run into the restaurant - the camera goes flying and crashes at the feet of our composers)
Schumann: Ach, thus Fate strikes down the conspiring documentarist!
Brahms: Wolfgang!
Mozart(dives for the camera, finds it broken): AGH! NO! ALAS -
MY WORK GONE!
Lila(to Brahms): Friend of yours?
Brahms: Uh - yes
Mozart: MY PRECIOUS!!! NOOOOO!
Schumann(to Clara): Let us flee the scene of the crime - Vieni, cara Clara! (exeunt)
Brahms(kneels down next to Mozart, as if to help): Oh, this is a tragedy, Wolfy. All our work!
Mozart: I KNOW!
Brahms: Maybe we can fix it!
Mozart(suddenly suspicious, but winks): Ah - YES! We must to the workshop!! (grabs parts of the camera) COME! (hops up as if to go - stops next to Lila, who looks confused) I must steal your tour guide, dear lady, you know how it is when electronic equipment breaks - we must fix it!! (makes a hasty exit)
Brahms(carrying other half of camera): Nice to meet you - Franz is probably still wondering where you are! (ducks out after Mozart)
Speaking of Franz....He is wandering down the street, and very surprised to see Mozart and Brahms come jogging past him with camcorder parts.
Liszt: Hey --!
Mozart: Hi Franz- (keeps going by)
Brahms: Lila's at the Taco Bell- (also goes by)
Liszt(completely confused): What?!
Hours later at the house, we find Muss, Zacara, and Ives on the living room sofa watching TV, and Hildegard in the arm chair reading near them.
Hildegard: I wonder what happened to everyone?
Zacara: I'm sure we'll hear about it on the 10o'clock news..