Ok Journal... So today has been hard. I found out I have OCD. Obsessive compulsive disorder. What happened was, I heard something about OCD, and I realized "Wow, i have A LOT of those symptoms. Could I have OCD?" Turns out I do. This is kind of relieving though. I mean, one of the symptoms of agressive OCD (one of the three or 4 kinds of OCD i have) is sometimes at night, or whenever, you'll have impulses to hurt yourself or others, just random things like that, and you'll have horrific images about others that you love being killed. Now, when I started having these, I was like "God what is the matter with me!??!!? Am I demon possessed?!?!" But then I realized I couldn't be, cuz I have Jesus in me. Well... so I was trying to explain it to my friends, and my guy friend was like "You're OCD? Haha" I was like, "uh yeah. is that funny?" well, that kind of made me mad... cuz, I mean, I was a bit scared. Also, I have like repetition OCD, where I like have to do stuff over and over till it's just right. Like wash my hands forever, like every 5 mins or something... I don't know. It's hard to cope with, but oh well. Now onto my dratted love life. Ok, so one of my guy friends confessed his "love" for me!! I was like... oh no!! Now he treats me like I'm his girlfriend. He calls me honey, and sweetie, and baby all the time! And I am
so confused as to why, as I made it VERY clear I was not interested in dating ANYONE at the moment. First off, I'm not really mature enough, and secondly, I really don't have time. He still calls me sugar and stuff anyways... It sort of angers me. I just want to explain to him WHY I cannot date him. I will pray about that tonite.
Well... I got to go journal...
Gute Nacht!!! (Good night in German)
~Katy
So journal, tonite I see Alex. I've been doing a lot of thinking about our relationship. It's weird. I mean, me and him have been on and off, off and on for ages. I don't think I want to start it up again. I don't need the heartbreak, or the temptation. I really haven't been trusting God for help with my trials. I feel like such a hypocrite when I go and do all these missions things, and church things, and then I have so much trouble just
trying to keep my walk straight. I'm not the best example of a christian by any means, but I try, I really do try and I hope that God knows that. I know he knows it. I just stumble so much it makes me angry. There is so much going on in my life. Well my sister is no longer sexually pure, and I took that really hard because after all she's only 16! God, why can I do nothing to help her?? Only you can.
Well journal... that's all.
Good nite.
~Katy
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