Man it hit me really hard when Alex and I broke up. We had been going for 7 months and really having fun. We never kissed so my purity is still all mine. We went way to far emotionally though. I mean teenagers telling each other that they LOVED one another. Thats just wack, Alex and I didn't love each other. It was a selfish relationship because God wasn't a part of it. Its been almost a year since we broke up, but everytime I see him at youth group I get the same longing for him that I use to. I know that I shouldn't lust after him and I pray to God for a cure, but sometimes my human self gets the better of me.
All through the month of January, Pastor Rick gave us sermons on purity. Pastor Jeff gave us many talks also. It made me do a lot of thinking. I mean, I don't want to throw away my kisses, and I dont want to give myself away to a boyfriend. A few months ago I gave up dating FOREVER! I figured after reading book after book on purity and many, many passages from the Bible, that God will send my husband when I am prepared. Until then, I dont need to go dating around.
I wrote a poem the other day, laying out my thoughts. It really helps me when I'm struggling, to just read it. I keep a copy of it in my Bible. It talks about Jesus being the love of my life and staying pure for him and for my future hubby. While Di, Its been a long day and I still have a lot to think and pray about. Jusqa a la prochaine fois (Until next time).
~Katy
I have been talking to a lot of my friends about what I believe. Most of them think I'm crazy. They think waiting until marriage to have sex is wack-o. Much less waiting until the day I say "I do" to kiss!!! I mean it seems like a whole lot to hold out for, but it will be worth it! They all say to me "Don't you want experience??" and I'm like "NO!!" I mean seriously, whats the point? If you have a bunch of experience then your just going to keep comparing your spouse to past relationships. I dont want that to happen at all. I want my whole heart to be given to my husband not just chunks all over the place. I know I can stand strong. Phillipians 4:16 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Its soooo true, I just need to stand strong and in the Word and in Christ, and I will be able to save my heart for the two men I love, my future hubby and my Jesus.
It's hard to think of waiting until after college or at least half way through college to have a dating relationship, but I know there is no point in having one now. I'm no where close to considering marriage. Oh well. God will keep me strong. While Di, nitey nite.
~Katy
April 12, 2003
Bah humbug, that is how i feel. I was in such a good mood yesterday. So
sentimental, pouring over classic growing up and romance stories, like
Anne of Green Gables, and Little Women, and believe or not, they are
very romantic classic nice love stories, or atleast they have them in
them.... It got me in such a lovey dovey mood that I didn't know what to do except for write poetry!! Boy that didn't help, only made me more sentimental. I try and try not to base my life around romance and love, because I already have enough love from God, and I'm not ready for romance yet. Sometimes I want to cry I get so sentimental. I'm such a hopeless romantic. In love with love is what I am! God, I need your help. There is no way I am going to be able to save my kisses for the alter if I keep day dreaming about who I'll fall in love with, and when it will happen. I know you have a plan for my love life God, just keep letting me believe and knowing it!!!
~Katy
Please put "Katy" in the Subject Box