| December 23, 2002 - (Monday) Just updating to let everyone know I'm much better. Boy last week was horrendous after that letter and all the crying, but after I heard it was going to be OK and I recovered from the massive crying (like 3 days till the puffy eyes subsided) but all is OK now. I think this all stems from my boss and others getting fired in October and now I feel all alone. I worked practically exclusively for my boss and supported everyone else and now that he's gone I feel so abandoned and alone. I really like the woman I'm reporting to now, but she's the same level I am, she doesn't know me at all yet, and I'm just beginning to get to know her and her me. It's hard to describe, but when I had my old boss, I felt so protected. He valued my work like no one had before, he would fight tooth and nail to save me, regardless of the situation. I'm certain, at this point, I don't have that type of relationship with my new boss...I mean, sheesh, we just met, there's no way I could feel that safe and secure. Everything will work out in time, I just need to try and be patient and calm down a notch or two. Ugh, it's rough, but I'll get over it and hopefully get more comfortable with the situation...I wish I were better with change, but I'm not. I guess that's another New Year's resolution to put on top of the list. Losing weight was always No. 1, I guess getting calmer in 2003 will move the weight thing to a lower number.. *lol* I know the work place is not a secure environment any more and I have to adapt. I wish I could feel secure and know that if I do my job I will not be unemployed, but in today's corporate environment, that just doesn't exist any longer. Ultimately, I just don't understand getting rid of good employees. Why do people get fired who show up everyday, put in 110% and strive to do their best? If anyone has that answer, email me...I'm dying to figure that out. It's sad to feel we are all so disposable, but that's what corporate America seems to be these days, out with the old -- in with the new. Ugh, just disgusting!!! Oh well, Christmas Eve is upon us, I really have a whole bunch to be thankful for and I'm planning on taking the time this holiday season to remember all the good things that I have in my life that I treasure and love. Oh, I'll say once again, God Bless us everyone, see you all in the new year, till next time... December 29, 2002 - (Sunday) All is doing well, had a really nice Christmas, been eating like crap, but I'll deal with that after the holidays and the new year sets in. I guess those old habits die hard because I've been into M&M's like nobody's business. One thing I could do is not buy them, not open up the package or throw them out since I was weak enough to buy them in the 1st place, but I'm not having any of it, I'm eating them, a little at a time, and I will get passed the evil sweetness after the new year. Hey, I'm not a criminal, just a little weak. It is the holidays, we are able to celebrate and relax with a few sweets, I'm not commiting murder (at least that's what I'm trying to convince myself)..*lol* Oh well, things could definitely be worse. I could be up 125 pounds and be miserable. This Christmas, I'm celebrating the success I've had this entire year, I've come a long way baaaaby!!! What's a few M&M's between friends?? lol Oh well, I do realize what I should be doing, but I'm just not doing it. The weeks between Christmas and New Year's is a difficult one, but they too pass and I'll be back on the 'ole new lifestyle bandwagon soon enough.....I'll be just fine. I'm really not terrible. If I compare prior Christmas' to this one, sheesh, I'm an angel....but this year, I know what crap is and that I shouldn't be eating it. I do have a conscience (I think Dr. Bertha put one in during my WLS operation *lol*) something I totally didn't have before. I realize what I'm doing, doing it anyway, albeit monitoring quantity, which was a foreign phrase to me prior to 12/11/01. Life is good, I'm not complaining one bit!!!! I'm up about a pound, which isn't too shabby and I really think that's OK for this time of year. I'm cutting myself some slack. I'll try to post a picture for my 12 month anniversary, so if anyone is interested, stop on by tomorrow to take a look! :) I hope everyone is enjoying friends and family and has a very safe and prosperous new year...and I'll be back in a week or so. I'm off on vacation on 12/31 and will be returning on 1/5. Then back to work for the week and then off again on 1/11 for a week, returning to the office on 1/20. Ok all till next time, see ya in 2003! :) |
| Post Op Journal, Let the Journey Begin.. |
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