May 9, 2002 - (Thursday)
As I wait for Survivor to go on, figured I'd post a little update. I'm officially down 82 pounds (woo hoo) and praying that the creek don't rise or we drop off the planet, keepin' my fingers crossed that I'm down even more tomorrow. (My 5th month anniversary is on Saturday 5/11, so I'm in a race to make 10 pounds this month...lol).
I'm sorry I dwell on the numbers so much, but I truly cannot help it. The numbers to me signify success. I can quantify success in many ways (such as: behavior modification, size clothes I'm wearing, self-esteem, happiness, contentment and the number that stares me in the face every morning when I step onto the blicking red numbers..). I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that rejoices every day there is a new (lower) number staring back at me! I find it can really make my day. I can't wait to update my spreadsheet with my new weight and adjust the count of "to go" pounds. I have done this on every diet I have ever been on, so WLS is no different. I'm addicted to the scale!! Only this time, I can succeed to getting to a "goal" weight (or I hope I can). I guess, with the slow weight loss, it's always in the forefront of my mind that I will not attain my goal weight and the promise of losing 60% of my weight is already attained, so I shouldn't be expecting any more weight loss. I have to shake my head violently to get that thought out of my head and not let my mind go "there". I have to remain positive and keep reading all the great journals I follow to keep abreast of everyone else's progress. With all those positive stories, I can do it too!!! Oh I hope and pray I can do it too, this is my life's goal to attain a normal weight and not be the fat girl. I can hardly imagine what life will be like then...oh boy, to live the "thin" life.....what will that feel like? smell like? taste like? I really can only imagine at this point...but I hope to one day soon experience what life is like to maintain a weight vs. hoping to lose 20-40-60-80-100+ pounds. I won't know what to do with my sorry self...lol.....I'll be so happy, I'll have a perennial *smile* on my face. I know the weight loss does not ensure happiness, but I can't help but believe that it can certainly help make me more comfortable in my skin, and perhaps for the first time in my life, actually be proud of my accomplishments. In all my years, I feel like a complete failure because my weight has always been so out of control...well for once, I may be able to achieve my number one goal of permanent weight management and I'll truly feel like I won the lottery or hit the jackpot in Atlantic City!! woo hoo!!!! Let's keep fingers crossed...
Speaking of Atlantic City, we are going to the shore this weekend and taking my Mom to AC (Atlantic City) for Mother's Day. That's what she likes to do best, so who are we to complain. Hope she's a big winner!!! Hope everyone has a great weekend, Happy Mother's Day and I'll post again when I return with my 5 month picture. Hope by then I'm down an even "85" pounds....until next time all...
May 12, 2002 - (Sunday) - Happy Mother's Day! (& Happy 5th month anniversary to ME :))
Just a quick update to say my 5th month anniversary pics are up and I'm depressed I'm not looking better. 85 pounds gone and I still look the same way I did 30 pounds ago :( I'm sure I have changed, somewhat, but by the photos I look absolutely the same, just the scale says a different number. Perhaps it's in my head, but ugh, it's a bit depressing!!
Had a good weekend (kinda). My Mom went to AC (Atlantic City) as promised, however, someone stole her bucket with her 50 cent piece winnings in it (it probably totalled $150/$200 bucks) and it kinda freaked her out of having a good time. Aren't people sick?? They see someone winning and scope them out to do something evil. I felt so bad for her. All she wanted to do was play a little and have fun and her whole night was ruined and perhaps her whole Mother's Day by someone trying to make a quick buck, makes me sick!!!!!!!!!!
On the weight loss front, since December 11, 2001, I have gone from a tight Size 26/28 in both pants and sweaters/tops to now, 5 months later....to a L/XL in most things. Just on that alone, I have to be excited. In the picture this month, is a LARGE, Liz Claiborne turtle neck sweater!! Not Elisabeth (the large girl store). OMG, I haven't worn that sweater in at least 3-4 years!!!! In the past, I was so depressed with having NOTHING to wear constantly and now I'm going through old clothes and giving away to a church thrift store. Times have definitely changed in so many positive ways. I cannot complain. To have lost 85 pounds in 5 months is extraordinary!!!! My expectations for myself is something I have to work on, I have to remember I'm doing great and all the weight will be gone someday, just not today....oh maybe one month I will accept the small weight loss and celebrate it instead of feeling like a failure....ugh...I have to remember on WW or other programs, losing 10 lbs a month would have been fabu!!! Ok all, until next time everyone. |
