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| ABOUT THE CREW |
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| BUSINESS JOKES |
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| SMART BUSINESS |
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| A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, Ben drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." |
| "Well, then, just give me the money back," said Jean Paul "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Replied Ben "OK, then. Just unload the donkey," said Jean Paul. "What ya going to do with him?" asked Ben. "I'm going to raffle him off," said Jean Paul. "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" uttered Ben. "Sure can. Watch me. I just won't tell that he's dead," said Jean Paul. A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" "I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898," said Jean Paul. "Didn't anyone complain?" inquired Ben. "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,� said Jean Paul. |
| BONUSES Here's hoping there is no one like this at your workplace. Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars. |
| LIFE AFTER DEATH |
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| "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the clerk replied. "That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." |
| SHORT ORDER YOU |
| I was working as a short-order cook at two restaurants in the same neighborhood. On a Saturday night, I was finishing up the dinner shift at one restaurant and hurrying to report to work at the second place, but I was delayed because one table kept sending back an order of hash browns, insisting they were cold. I replaced them several times, but still the customers were dissatisfied When I was able to leave, I raced out the door and arrived at my second job. A server immediately handed me my first order. "Make sure these hash browns are hot," she said, "because these people just left a restaurant down the street that kept serving them cold ones." |
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| Long Lost Friends At work, my dad noticed that the name of an employee was the same as an old friend. He found the man's e-mail addy and sent him a message. When Dad received a reply, he was insulted and fired back another e-mail: "I have put on some weight, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable." His friend's hastily typed message, with an apparent typo, had read: "Hi, Ron. I didn't know you worked here, but I did see a gut that looked like you in the cafeteria. |
| House Cleaning Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!" |
| CALCULATIONS |
| An employee comes into her manager�s office to take a day off from work. The manager replies, So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, |
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| which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work.We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off! |
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