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Jokes
Page Thirteen
Waiting for the cashier to ring up after a meal, a man heard a voice say,
"Wow, what broad shoulders you have. What a hunk!"
Startled, he looked around,
but couldn't figure out where the voice came
from...�
He tried to forget it, but a few moments later he heard the same voice say,
"My what full, wavy hair."
"Did you hear that voice?" the man asked the cashier.
"It's the mints," said the cashier....
"The mints?"
"Yes, the cashier replied. The mints are always complimentary."
One Liners!
Did you hear about divorce Barbie?
It comes with all of Ken's shit.
How do you say constipated in German?
Farfrumpoopen.
What does it mean when the flag at the post office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
Clinton Valentines
After years of indiscretion,
at last I've come to learn,
that I must send this Valentine, To Whom it May Concern.
~~
Monica, Monica, quiet young mouse
-- taking her Bill to the floor of the House.
~~
Roses are red,
then they turn gray,
My heart goes pitter-pat
when you wear that beret.
~~
As soon as I'm finished bombing Iraq,
I'd like to get you in the sack.
~~
Violets are blue,
roses are thorny.
All hell breaks loose,
when Bubba gets horny.
~~
I'll bomb England, I'll bomb France,
If you'll remove my underpants.
�TOP
MARTIAL ARTS/PORN MOVIE TITLES
Tits of Fury
Deepthroat Dojo
Nasty Ned's Nunchucks�
Master of the Spanking Fist
Operation Condom�
The Many Other Talents of Bruce Lee�
The Sensuous Sensei�
Enter the Forbidden City
Did You Know This
Trivia?
1.It takes 116 muscles to climax, but only 17 to smile.
2. Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world...it's an ideal�substitute for
a hot breakfast.
3. The greater the orgasm, the deeper the sleep. Multiple orgasms (20 or more
per hour) can induce a coma and near-fusion with the mattress.
4. Eat and drink sensibly.�The combination of alcohol and sex, especially after
long abstinence, can
cause spontaneous fizzle.
5. Improved breath control increases oxygen supply throughout entire body,
prevents asphyxiation during mighty kisses, trims and tones pelvis, promotes a
stronger upper body enabling you to hold on tight and keep partner from
damaging furniture during moments of ecstasy.
6. Better coordination prevents confusion during intricate
manipulations,
permitting you to talk and perform at the same time.
7. A single ejaculation, especially from a man, contains enough sperm cells
to fertilize every woman in the Marines.
8. Oral sex is a great way to firm the lower face.
9. After 16 steady hours of sex, it is wise to check your insurance policy.
10. "Where am I?" should not be considered an abnormal response to
immense
orgasm.
11. Men who experience difficulty with insertion should see a guidance
counselor. 12. Too much arousal can bring on a hard-attack.
13. It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach, especially if it
belongs
to your partner.
14. You know that you've had too much sex when your life begins to flash
before your eyes.
15. You know I've had too little sex when my partner begins to flash before
my eyes.
16. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and in demand.
17. Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up
straight.
18. Thirty percent of our body heat escapes through the head (wear a hat
during sex).
19. Sex on an inclined surface (an anthill, for example) builds endurance.
20. 1970 FDA approves spray-on Vaseline.
21. To prevent bedsores, oil the sheets.
22. Maintenance tip for massages: change the oil every 10,000 strokes.
23. Sexual survival depends on knowing the difference between a�birthmark
and a rash.�
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The
Coffee Pot