Not Offensive Enough: DVM at the Sagittarian Spectacular
by David V. Matthews
posted December 28, 2005 (revised January 5, 2006)
    I read aloud at my fourth straight Incredibly Thin shindig, Sagittarian Spectacular, the evening of December 17, 2005, at a Pittsburgh artist's space-slash-fried food emporium called Brillobox.  My readings have gained some notoriety.  "Are you going to read about hymens?" a woman I'd run into at the party asked with sarcastic enthusiasm; she's had a not exactly favorable opinion of my work since hearing me read "People You Knew in High School Who Have Had Much, Much More Sex Than You" at my first Eye Tee party in August 2004 and finding that story's two mentions of you-know-what creepy and objectifying.  (I've since toned down the story, removing one hymen--hymeneal?--reference and replacing it with a noncreepy and nonobjectifying anal sex reference.)           
     On the other hand, my readings have gained a horde of admirers.  The IT Boy, David Cherry, had scheduled me for 11 PM, what he called the start of the prestigious "prime-time" hour, not that he thought the people reading before then lacked any worth, I'm sure.  I ended up going on only five minutes late.  "I was going to say something about the pope practicing gay necrophilia, but that comment wouldn't have been offensive enough for this crowd," I said to no laughter (but to no fusillades of rotten cabbage, either).  I then read three pieces: the opening paragraph to "Gee That's Swell!"; "Video Fresh! and the Ache of Adolescent Loneliness" (no hymens, just one penis and numerous buttocks); and my most popular piece, "Bluh Bluh Bluh Bluh Bluh," adding more than a few bluhs to the delight of my audience.
     Later, as I went to leave the party, I met Pittsburgh City Paper writer Nikki Trader, who interviewed and photographed me for a feature that appeared in that paper's December 22-28, 2005, issue (see below).  She'd heard I was "an excellent writer" and thus thought my opinions valuable, not that she hasn't valued the opinions of everyone else she's interviewed for that feature, I'm sure.
Above: DVM reading at the Incredibly Thin Sagittarian Spectacular, December 17, 2005.  Click here for the uncropped version of this photo, and for other photos of DVM's reading, and for other Sag Spec photos.
Above: My post-party review, in the Pittsburgh City Paper, December 22-28, 2005.  I should have mentioned Pittsburgh singer Becky Corrigan's entertaining readings about the various dead-end jobs she's had.
Bluh.  Double bluh.

� 2005 David V. Matthews
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