Poor Chocolate has been through so much in her life. She's suffered from allergies since the day she was born - flea bites, trees, dandelions, cat & human dander, bee stings, even her first rabies vaccination. Her allergies are so numerous that her vet was working with a lab in California to create an antigen specific to her allergies. They didn't feel that any conventional antigen would be enough. At times, her legs would itch so badly that she would pick a spot to lick and then proceed to lick that spot until she had an ulcerated sore that would have to be treated with sublingual injections of steroids and oral doses of prednisone. Twice (sometimes three times) a year she would suffer through this. And always with a smile on her doggy-face and a wagging tail. She's such a brave dog.
My vet tried to prepare me for the inevitable - the prednisone could break down her immune system, or damage her liver if we couldn't find an antigen to work for her. The last year and a half she has become immunosupressed. A year ago the vet told me that her blood work resembled that of a very old dog. She was not producing platelets, her blood wasn't clotting correctly, and kidney function was no longer normal. She was administered intravenious fluids and went on a heavy-duty liquid vitamin and the subsequent blood tests showed improvement. During the last 3 years she had surgery performed 6 times to remove lumps from her body (belly, armpit, side, leg, and neck). The first 5 were lipomas - benign, fatty growths. The lump removed from her neck contained pre-cancerous cells, but the tumor was encapsulated and tests showed that it had not spread.
The osteosarcoma doesn't appear to have spread - her lung x-rays are clear (although there's no guarantee there's nothing microscopic going on). The tumor appears to be in the beginning stages, and normally treatment would consist of amputation of the leg and subsequent chemo treatments. With a normal dog - without all this previous history - we would have a good chance of beating this thing and it would be a done deal. But Chocolates's kidney function has steadily deteriorated and the preferred chemo drug would most likely cause her kidneys to fail. There a couple of other drugs that can be used for chemo, but they are second choice. And I can't help but wonder - even if she can beat the cancer - how long will it take for her kidneys to quit? I'm praying for a solution or a miracle (but I know that's just a dream).
I wonder where her courage and will to live come from. When I tell her she's going to the vet, she runs for her leash, picking it up in her mouth, dancing in circles. And each time she's gone to the vet for medical precedures she's been on her feet the next morning chasing squirrels, growling at the mailman, begging for treats, and wagging her tail like mad - and always with a sparkle in ther eyes. I wonder if she'll come to understand that the vet can't fix everything.
Right now I am thinking I don't have much choice but to keep her comfortable for as long as can - as long as the quality of her life is good - as long as she looks at me with that sparkle in her eyes. When that sparkle goes, I guess we'll make that last trip to the vet. Right now I think she's reacting to my sadness - she seems subdued. (I suppose that's normal, she's been watching me cry all day - she has to wonder what's going on.) She's still chasing squirrels and meeting me at the back door with a wagging tail when I get home from work, so I don't think it's time to say goodbye yet. As long as her eyes sparkle, we're going to hang in there. I don't want to say goodbye, but I love Chocolate too much to be selfish. It wouldn't be fair to let her suffer just because I don't want to let go. We'll do the best that we can with what we have, for as long as we can.
I�ve been singing "Wild Thing" to Chocolate. And of course, as soon as she hears the words "wild thing", she tears through the house showing me what a wild thing she can still be, even at her age. I'm going to miss her so much when she is gone.
