March 11 - Hello .... I Hope you're loving that sunshine out there. I just posted some new clips to my music page. Please have a listen HERE March 3 - Hi all. What's up? It's paper time and thus hectic season personally. Writing tunes, for me, is pretty much the only source of relief and peace right now from all that's been happening. (Whether those tunes are any good or not, is another question). To the person that left the nice message in my guestbook, I'd prefer if you came up to me and talked to me rather than leave such harsh words here. Hopefully then we could talk about it and perhaps work it out. If not, at least you have the comfort of saying it to my face (infinitely more satisfying right?). February 6 - I now have a xanga. Originally, I could never really get into the idea of an online journal ("making personal thoughts public? Are you kidding?"), but due to certain demand, peer pressure and plain curiosity, I gave in :) I won't be abandoning this page, but updates will probably happen more frequently there than here. And finally, Happy Chinese New Year!! January 9 - I've created a new page with some of the music I've written. Please feel free to have a listen and tell me what you think! January 1, 2005 - Happy New Year, friends! Wishing you best health. Wishing the victims and survivors of the tsunami disaster in South East Asia even more. For the survivors, renewed hope in life. Hope still bears incredible power. I don't know if we could live without it. DFrom December 5 It's a little early to say this, but Merry Christmas! Enjoy spending lots of money at the various meccas of shopping! Bah humbug! No, please disregard the cynical thoughts and really enjoy the season. And the best part of it would be, share it with somebody! Phil November 14 - It's the way we are that defines who we'll be. I'm not where I should be. I know I can be better. Here are some pics you might be interested in in my scrapbook. September 20 - Bonjour visitor! What was the last great thing you did? Did you really care about it? It is now Fall. Each time I come across this season something rather odd within me occurs. An emotional reaction. The leaves become a kind of crimson orange, the air becomes chilled and streaked with the scent of smoky firewood, and I start to take the greatest pleasure in walking the streets of the city. I remember that while some things perish, others live. I remember that there is a lot more still left to do. I also have a feeling of longing for warmth, for shared memories. For new experiences. I remember old personal struggles, and reflect that between now and then, in spite of my cynicism, I have made progress in solving them, reducing them, or otherwise replacing them with great new elements. But perhaps all of this is only a mood. A chemical reaction to the lazy, inert days of summer that have long passed. But can it be? Might it mean something more than sheer science and pristine rationality? All I can say is fall is for me, a season to savour and a reason to have optimism. Don't be cynical ... be farcical! One of the things I love about life is it is filled with mystery. Sure, it is also filled with predictability, but there is so much that we can't predict, even of ourselves. Savour spontaneity. Savour mystery. I'm looking forward to the next mystery of life to unravel before me. Hope you all enjoy your next mystery. Phil March 30 - Hi all who still bother to come by here (you're always welcome) ... well, we've entirely (or at least I have entirely) hit CRUNCH TIME. The time of no-sleep, bad eating habits, the hauntingness of worrying about late penalties for papers, and well, general cursing and ill will toward school and the need for "education." I just wanted to say, during this treacherous time -- Good Luck and well wishes. It's probably the most grueling part of the year. Hang in there and remember it's all gonna be OK afterwards. (Yes, this is a reminder to myself too, a classic worry-er of the highest order). And, Go Canucks. I'm hoping for a series against Calgary. :) Phil ______________________________ March 1 Happy Spring, all! Among the things happening in my life: 1) Hockey has ended, with our team ending up in 5th place of 6 teams. Heh, stellar showing, eh? Actually, despite our record, I'm proud of our team and how we all came together in the end. There was a strong demonstration of that saying "A for effort"... not to mention a bevy of energy and intensity. I have no qualms about having lost with that kind of effort. And so, onward to the next season! 2) Composing music. Some of you may know this already, but I've taken to writing music at home in my "studio" (i.e. computer software, heh). This is probably the best hobby I have taken up in a long while (save, hockey) , and I really quite enjoy it. It has the feeling of writing poetry, but you could say, in an entirely new language. Music itself is wonderful; I've even started attending some concerts out at the UBC music building. Vive la musique. What was it Aristotle said? The need for a complete education, through a balance of "music and gymnastics"? I hope with the above two I've achieved a bit of that. Onto midterms -- I hope you all survive this supreme month of tests, exams, books and non-sleep. Take care. Phil November 7, 2003 Hi all, it's been a decent start so far to the school year -- of course, we're into "paper time" (Arts people) and "several midterm time" for those in Science. Also, some good news is I and a few good friends are joining a hockey league! Yes, that's right, a casual floor hockey league that plays once a week. And we're looking for players -- guys and girls. We currently have two spots open for girls, one guy (the team is currently somewhat male-heavy). If you're interested, please join! It's a way to break up the monotony of classes and a very fun game to boot. It doesn't start until January so please let me know if you have any smidgen of interest. Allow me here to throw in an Uncle Sam "WE NEED YOU" and Infomercial mantra - "Hurry! Spaces are limited!" . :) Email me ([email protected]) for details. hope you all make it through your essays and exams just fine. Phil September 18, 2003 - Wow, nearly two months have passed since I last updated this page. I'm rather taken aback. A great deal of time has passed since then and there have certainly been things happening. School has re-started, for one. (And a very welcome re-start it has been -- having interesting classes and stimulating professors reinvigorates the self). And the weather has shifted to rain, another. Canucks training camp has come. The leaves are parting ways, strewn on the streets in a sort of red, rust haze, signifying passage of time and seasons. And yet, in the face of what has happened in the past few days, all of that seems inconsequential. One of my best friend's father lost his life last Saturday, Sept. 14. ( In case you weren't able to see it in the paper, it's also here.) It was a senseless and cruel act. I can only imagine the sheer pain he and his family and relatives are experiencing at this time. I know that if I were him, my heart would be torn out of its place right now, in total anguish. These are the kinds of things that shouldn't, but do unfortunately, happen to good people. Kristian, I'm very sorry and our family offers our condolences to you and your family for your loss. For some life lasts a short while, but the memories it holds last forever. Laura Swenson To everyone else, I hope your classes are going well and do enjoy autumn; even though it's dark - cloudy - and consistently wet - it's also a time for renewal. "Now we are free" - July 27, 2003 This has been a difficult couple of weeks so let me apologize in advance if the following is a downer. Not intented to be, but the subject matter is a sensitive one. My grandma passed away this week. Quietly. Peacefully. She was 87. I'd like to take a moment to dedicate this writing to her. She left gracefully, the cancer evidently overwhelming her body, which looked so frail and weak it was painful to see. But she was a lovely person, and a great mom and grandma. Of course, with me speaking only english, and she speaking virtually only cantonese, it's always been a challenge trying to communicate with one another. But we got by. Besides, it's not always words that matter (as you well know), but the little things. Wave of the hand, smile of warmth. It's funny but one of the (only) fruits of death is that it brings togetherness. Togetherness in family and in spirit. As if we all gather for the same cause, which of course we are, but we recognize our place in our families and the many people still, thankfully, with us. Fathers, mothers, aunts. The 3 year old cousin. And, the one we lost. After the burial, our family met and had a small lunch, as a large group, with relatives, uncles, the entire consortium. At the risk of sounding ignorant, why a seemingly enjoyable thing like eating follows a sad event is puzzling...but there must be an argument for it. And it seems to be communion. Death has been saddening, for me. And certainly emotional. But it has also been very redeeming for a family which sometimes forgets each other. If that is the thing we can pull away from anguish and despair, let us hope death is in some ways greeted, not completely shunned. Thanks Grandma, P "We have all the time in the world. Nothing more, nothing less." - Louis Armstrong July 11, 2003 - Please mind the mess. Here's to summer. July 2. 2003 Welcome to 2010 WE DID IT! We won the 2010 Olympic Games. What a great feeling. Sitting in GM Place with thousands of other fans, all watching tepidly for The Decision, was definitely the highlight though. It's amazing how uniting something like this is (and how close was PyeongChang??). Also, having this towel to hang up on my wall is going to be genuinely nice. Overall, I'm very pleased that we were able to pull this through. The funny thing is that we're all going to be in our late twenties when we witness the Games live. But what a feeling it will be to look back on it all (I'm a sentimental guy). Worth getting up at 5 am :) (Also, I filmed some clips for UBC Career Services today. Basically, I played a student looking for work but not doing it very well, and then doing it well. Apparently I did a decent job of it too (based on feedback I received). Should I consider a career in acting? Drama? Mayybe. ) I'll get some sleep first. 2010! :) Decision is a reason for pride (or pessimism) VANCOUVER - June 27, 2003 - 4 days until the "Decision". An Olympic decision. So the race comes down to Vancoovur, Salt-Berg and PeeYongChang (South Korea, of course--made that mistake once, won't make it again). Thoughts on who's going to take this one, ladies and gents? It looks like we have a great chance, mostly between ourselves and the Bergs (PY Chang , it appears, may be too politically sensitive at this time and in the future to hold a major international event like the five rings, even if it were to be six years from now). But I wouldn't discount either. I'd be quite content at saying we competed on the world stage for something as venerable as the Olympics, actually. But for my part, I was always an Olympic "supporter". I am however, morally and rationally split on the topic. Yes, I do agree that their are societal needs that are far more immediate and should demand our attention. Dollars, energy and political posturing could be better spent towards improving social programs, helping the homeless, building homes. I agree as much as anyone in this regard (and when Mr Chretien arrived in March to announce money for the Olympics, but simultaneously, announce miraculous new funds to be targeted towards improving the Downtown Eastside, could anyone avoid cynicism?). June 15, 2003 H'lo ... well, still thinking about possible ideas and new directions for this site. Thanks for signing the book though, I have to say. It's good to know you guys are out there, still coming by this lil' shack and seeing what's going on :) Well, what's going on? I did the Grouse Grind today, and grind it is. Steep, steep incline, no real stop points, and just you and the mountain. Good stuff -- I love the premise, and the challenge -- but it's a hell of a thing to do when you're up there. Luckily, my friends were all up to the task, although we stopped here and there. It's funny the amount of camaderie you build with thoes enduring the grind with you. Nods of agreement, words of empathy... with strangers during trying times. Really, the grind lives up to its name. Our time ? 1 hr 45 min. "You took your time," my brother told me, after I lay half-dead on the couch. Right, I took my time...Thanks Lawrence. Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie. These guys are the funniest guys on earth (beating out Terry's Friends by a mile; sorry Terry). I went to see their show on the 8th at the Playhouse with my buddy Kristian and talk about a good time! If you've ever watch Whose Line is it Anyway on TV, you know what I mean. These guys have improv. comedy down to mastery. Especially Ryan (the tall guy). They had song, they had dance, they had cruel jokes...everything from "warm-blooded mammals" to releasing your "inner dinosaur" to Ryan and Colin acting as the slowest lifeguards ever to (not) save a woman crying for help. Great , hilarious stuff! I'll be seeing their show when they come back next year, that's for sure. May 30, 2003 Some honest thoughts: I must admit , I'm in somewhat of a conundrum. I can't decide what the purpose or role of this website should be. Those of you whom have visited this site in the past have usually seen a smorgasbord of (standard) things, like a bio, interests, thoughts and things of that sort. But I confess that I don't know what next to do with this space. Lately it's become a place for me to air some thoughts. But is this truly what I wanted? Seems the well of inspiration has run dry since those 'young-er' years of mine. Hmmm.... well, there are other things in the world to worry about, more relevant, more pressing. Pause. From May 19, 2003 Everytime summer approaches I am reminded of how relaxed and easy life can be. In summer everything slows down, the hands of clocks are patient, the sun shines dutifully and in the suspended heat, we live and breathe ... We had an excellent hockey game today. Solid defensive plays, with enough firepower up front to score six goals. Much catching up to do with old friends. This defensive forward also converted himself to an offensive defenseman and likes it a lot better there, where he was able to knock in a couple goals :) Next game - perhaps in two weeks, but hopefully sooner -- I'd really like to get out there again. From May 16, 2003 I think we all look for direction in our lives at some point. There is a moment where we examine ourselves, past and present, and ask, "what's next?" What's it going to be? While it's a little unsettling constantly having the question hover, isn't it a great time to be living through, though? To live a life of independence and self-direction. I'm enjoying it immensely. In the past I've seen boundaries in all directions, and perhaps lived a life of boundaries. Limits. Perhaps still do. But "horizons" give way to more, more beauty, more to explore, more to discover. It's a great time now that we've all hit our twenties, because we now get that chance to explore and to push boundaries. Overlook limits. What's it going to be? An example of what I'm learning in PHIL 120 - Introduction to Logic and Critical Thinking All 100 courses are easy. Any easy course requires no studying. ________________________________________ Therefore, all 100 courses require no studying. -- This is fallacious reasoning. The premisses do not bear on the conclusion, the consequence relation is moderate and the reasoning assumes all 100 courses are the same. And beyond that, no course is easy until you see your final grade after exams ;) As I'm sure other fellow co-op'ers can attest, returning back to school after 8-12 months away from the classroom is an eerie feeling. Stepping off the bus platform and approaching that....familiar...building...passing by that familiar row of trees....watching those familiar fellows planting trees and cleaning debris....hearing that familiar tune of jazz in the SUB....using that familiar three letter acronym "SUB".......thinking about the painful but familiar concept of 'exam'.....all these familiarities....it can really be quite daunting at first. But thank god for the option of taking a single summer class, which, really, can be refreshing. Eight months working in a government setting can be enlightening and educational, absolutely, but nothing replaces the feeling of learning and self-dependence. From May 11, 2003 The Canucks did not win the Stanley Cup. Is this really so bad? Or is it the sting of defeat that hurts? It seems to me like it's the second. Yes, they lost three times in a row and gave up a 3-1 lead, but I'm not particularly mad at them. The effort in game 7 was apparent. They had shots on goal in games 5 and 6 in the first period. They proved they could be dominant. But they lost their focus, and they are also a young team. And although I agree we should have high expectations for how they perform, I believe we should also acknowledge success. They had an excellent, excellent season, and they beat those pesky Blues (whom I missed after falling asleep during the Wild games) and succeeded to the second round. Oh, and they made some money -- the marketing team must be high-fiving each other coming up with that car flag idea (it was a pretty good one). But it's really too bad that Canucks fever is over. Guess I'll have to start studying now. From March 17, 2003 Buoyed by friends of mine who have recently begun to regularly update their webpages, I've decided to pitch in today with a few thoughts regarding whatever. Like Terry, I haven't had much incentive to update this page lately, as it seems I've had nothing to say (or perhaps , no one to listen?). Well, whatever the reason, a few things about me are ahead.... (note I deliberately left out a mention of that three-letter word of the day "war" as we get enough of that elsewhere, and I want not to repeat. It's not that I don't think it's important -- I very much do, but I get weary of too much too often, and I think you would agree it's a bit more welcoming to talk about alternate issues if only for the sake of brevity.)) - Last week, I registered for summer courses. I chose Philosophy and Poli Sci this time around, looking to do things I both 1) enjoyed and 2) could use to bring my mind back up to speed with school. I've been away for the last 8 months (and 12, if you count last summer) from school, and feeling somewhat rusty. I could still spar a good verbal match with buddies of mine on certain issues, but nowhere near some of the real professionals on campus :) It would be good to get into the spin of things again, so yes, I'm glad I registered. If you registered as well, did you find that the great majority of classes were offered at night (from 7-10)? What gives? For those lucky souls who live on campus, finishing at 10pm and heading back home is no problem, but what about us poor, poor souls who live in far and distant places like Burnaby? Richmond? Coquitlam? I know it's summer but would you fancy coming home at midnight from a class? Me-no thanks. Well, one copes. (Ouch, 9:30am classes, it is.) - Recently took to reading Anthony Burgess' "A Clockwork Orange". Warning - don't read this if you dislike violence. This book may disturb. It's about a 15 year old boy who enjoys (read: loves) wonderful things such as drugs, alcohol, gang rape and plain, brutal assault on innocent people -- all for the thrill. It's not so much the disquieting portrait of violence painted by this boy, Alex, as the bizarre, intriguing and ultimately disturbing glimpse into the mind of a wild, adolescent mind. You can't help feeling a cold shiver when he describes the act of taking a man's wife by force. The language that Alex uses is quite strange, comprising of words like "viddy" (to see), "devotchka" (woman), "creech" (to scream) and other bizarre substitutions for everyday language. There are Russian undertones to the language, as you may have guessed. All of which makes for some decidedly disorienting reading, but if you get a chance -- I recommend picking it up. Probably one of the more worthwhile, and original, readings in a long time. - There's been a big kafuffle about SARS recently. I have a family member in China as I write this, so naturally I'm a bit concerned. If you live in Toronto or Hong Kong, you would probably be pretty worried. My mom is worried--however, worry is in her blood, so a grain of salt with that I do take. But you can't deny the amount of media coverage in the Globe/NP/Sun and myriad others. It's a lot of daily information to take in, what with quarantines, new travel advisories by Health Canada, and the WHO, and much, much more. To counter this influx of info, I've decided only to take in what I need to know, and what would concern me, such as being able to identify symptoms. With that in mind, here's a brief list in case you haven't heard (with thanks to Eric for his forwarded email--thanks Rick): shortness of breath, high fever, and dry cough. Aches and rash may also creep up. Careful, be. And hands, wash--fruits, veggies, water, consume in order to build, an immune system. Do you viddy? |
| drops in the ocean |
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| You Get What You Give. Remember that song? |
| drops in the ocean |
| drops in the ocean |
| drops in the ocean |
| A N A R C H I V E OF P E R S O N A L T H O U G H T S |
| Right now, You are thinking.... "This is all yada yada yada!" (Right now I am thinking, yes, this is true.) -Phil |
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| Death is devastating, without doubt. But at least the realization which we glean from it is an appreciation for being able to live. |
| thought bubble Time, like money, seems to operate as water does in a bathtub... When the Olympics arrive, many of us will be 27 or 28, heading on to our thirties. How much will we have changed by then? Push it forward a few more years, and how much will our parents have aged? How much will our current "reliance" (or independence, depending on your relations with your parents right now) change? Well, who knows, and maybe I'm just spending a lot of time waffling over the inevitable, but I enjoy looking at the future through my window. It allows me to better understand just how to live my present. |