Christmas arrived with the same flourish and joy that it always brought, Clarisse adored the endless present giving, the parties, the excuse to wear long flowing red gowns. Plus her children would be home, she could always rely upon the fact that her children would be there together and they�d celebrate as a family. Of course there was the added complication of having Rupert�s many cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and the hundreds of other so-called �family� members staying in the palace. Yet by the time they all went to church on Christmas morning nothing could dampen her spirits.
Joseph on the other hand had grown to hate this time of year, he was constantly rushing from one place to another, constantly worrying about who was stepping out of the crowd to shake the Queen�s hand or present her with flowers. He kept his eyes on her at all times, scanning the immediate area around her, ready to throw himself forward if anything untoward occurred. On a personal note it pained him to be around in the palace during the festivities. It was the one time of year when he regretted never marrying or having children of his own as all the other staff eagerly rushed home. And he loathed watching Clarisse fussing over the younger members of the family, laughing in the parlour at some game they were playing or dancing with her husband.
Her husband, he didn�t want to hate Rupert, in fact he quite liked the man, he was a good King. Not as harsh as his father had been, caring and he worked hard, he always worked hard. But ever since that day in the attic room, holding her hand and watching the snowfall, things had changed, things had shifted inside him. There was still the concern for her as a monarch, that strict duty to protecting his Queen, for the country, for the people. But there was love, soft and flowing beneath that, a deeper love than the affection for your ruler, a love he didn�t want to accept existed because it would mean too much. It would hurt too much. Hell it hurt now. The bottom line was no matter how much he loved her, or whatever affection she held for him, nothing could or would ever happen. He would remain her guard, her protection, her servant. He was a commoner; though he hated to use the word it was the truth. She was royal, regal� god she was perfection. And how clich� for the little man to fall for the grandest prize, what kind of fairytale had he wandered into?
�Hey.� He felt a shoulder nudge him. �Come on we�re moving.� Shades said in his ear.
Startled he lurched forward just catching Clarisse�s arm as they passed through the crowds of people Rupert had been addressing; she turned her head only slightly and gave him a quick smile.
He must remember to apologise later for being clumsy, if he hadn�t been daydreaming about what a beautiful morning it was or how good she looked in that outfit he would have been paying proper attention to the proceedings. He guided her towards the car, allowed her to get in and closed the door before seating himself in the front next to the driver. Rupert would go separately with Philippe, heading for Parliament, whilst Clarisse went home.
Things had been difficult between her and her youngest son recently, he�d noticed that. Of course he�d heard the rumours, that the Queen had forced her son to abandon the woman he loved in America and immediately return home. Yet he doubted it was entirely true, he knew Clarisse could bite back when she needed to but he�d never once seen her stop her sons from doing anything. In his eyes they seemed to be her only true constant source of joy.
He glanced quickly in the rear view mirror to check on her, now out of the main streets her head rested back on the seat and her eyes were closed. How would it feel to trace a finger down her neck, to feel her pulse beating there and the warmth of her silky skin? He almost died when she quickly opened her eyes and lifted her head meeting his stare in the mirror. He glanced away but then back again, intrigued, and she was still looking at his eyes, a slight smile on her lips. She bit down on her bottom lip and looked away, to the side, out of the window at the passing view.
* * *
When they arrived back at the palace he helped her from the car, holding the hand she offered for him until she was clear of the door.
�Your majesty,� Alice said approaching from the bottom of the steps. �You received a gift from Countess Maria and a call this morning from the Prime Ministers wife.�
�Ours?� She said wearily making her way up the steps.
�French.�
She sighed. �Alright, I�ll return it in the next hour. Could you organise Tea to be brought to my room please Alice dear. Awfully cold out here today.�
�Certainly ma�am. Thank you.�
Joe cast a glance at the petite woman. She had been Clarisse�s assistant for as long as he could recall, yet somehow they still had kept that distance between them. He�d never known them share a friendly smile or laugh at something together. It struck him as odd, but then you couldn�t automatically bond with everybody. She was older than Clarisse, must be in her sixties now, and small, tiny even. But she had a nerve of steel and if you crossed her, you certainly knew about it. Joseph had incurred her wrath only once and never again.
Clarisse crossed the marble floor and began to ascend the staircase, he waited at the bottom. Once she was safely inside her room he could perhaps sneak off and have a cup of tea himself, she was right, it was bloody cold this morning. His fingers felt like icicles inside his leather gloves.
�Joseph.� She said without turning her head.
�Ma�am?�
�Could I speak with you please.�
�Yes, of course.� He followed her politely up in the stairs to her suite and into her office.
Standing by the door, his hands folded behind his back he silently watched as she removed her coat and shuffled through the pile of letters on her desk.
�Is everything alright Joseph?� She said without looking up.
He was confused, what exactly was she asking him? �Yes ma�am, um sorry about earlier, I misjudged the step.�
She smiled looking up. �Never mind, I hardly noticed. But I did notice you aren�t going home this year.�
�For Christmas, no, no my brother is taking his family on holiday. I didn�t really wish to spend the season in a tropical climate.�
�I whole heartedly agree.� She sat down indicating for him to take the chair across from her.
�But still, you must have a break. It can�t be good for you to work the entire year round.�
�I suppose not.�
�Do I have to order you to take a break?� She was teasing him.
�No, ma�am.�
�I thought we�d discussed that�� She said pointedly leaning forward and folding her hands together.
�We did.�
�So tell me, what are the maids saying about Philippe?�
Ah so now it became clear. �Saying?�
�You know exactly what I mean Joseph.�
�Your ma�� He lowered his voice. �Clarisse, I don�t really think it�s appropriate for me to pass on the downstairs gossip.�
�Isn�t that what friends do, gossip. And after six years I�d say we friends, are we not?�
He nodded. �Yes, we are.�
She broke the eye contact when a knock came on the door. The maids brought in her tea, poured her a cup and she waved them away.
�Would you like Tea?� She asked.
�Erm, well, I�m not sure.�
She arched an eyebrow. �You�re not sure if you would like Tea, or you�re not sure if it�s appropriate to take Tea with me?�
�I�m not sure if it�s acceptable.�
�I find it acceptable�� She softened her voice, took a sip from her cup and levelled him with her gaze. �I enjoy your company Joseph, I can talk to you.�
So that was it, she could talk to him, that�s all it was.
�Well, I�m glad.�
She laughed. �You don�t look glad, you look terrified.�
�I suppose I�m that too.� He felt his body relax at the sound of her laughter.
�We get on well Joseph, we have a good rapport. Alice and I have never had it�� She whispered secretively.
�I had noticed that.�
�You could hardly fail to.�
�Well retirement can�t be far off.�
She laughed shocked. �Joseph!�
�Sorry.�
�Oh dear, you are right though. I�m hoping Charlotte will accept the position when Alice does retire.�
He nodded. �She seems promising, still young though.�
�And quite a pretty girl.� She said staring at him.
�Yes, I suppose she is.�
�Single I believe.�
�Are you attempting to match make?�
�Just testing the waters.�
�There�s no need to��
�Really?�
�I�m too old for her.�
�Oh nonsense, you�ve been single for far too long Joseph, you think I don�t know these things.� She pointed a finger at him.
�Well, perhaps I like it that way. Too many complications.�
She knew she was pushing the subject too far but pressed on regardless. �Nobody caught your eye?�
�I didn�t say that.� He smiled.
She looked down at the table, was she blushing?
�That afternoon Joseph, I never said thank you. It was a tremendous help, having you there, your support� well you know.�
�I�m easy to talk to.�
�Yes, yes you are.�
�Don�t worry Clarisse, the things we discuss, I never repeat it � any of it.�
�I know that, I trust in that. It�s just difficult sometimes, for me to make friends, real friends. I seem to have lost touch with all the ones I had when I was young.�
�It happens.�
�But most people make more friends, new ones.�
�Most people don�t have a world watching them.�
�Exactly, that�s what I�m trying to say. I just, I�m not putting it very well.�
�I understand completely, you like to talk to me, but if you�re actually seen talking to me then other people will talk�� He smiled trying to keep the mood light and easy.
�You know that�s it exactly!� She shook her head. �All so complicated, I just wanted you to know that�s all. I may not always show it but you do mean so very much to me.�
�And you to me.� That was it, that was as far as it was going to go without a full-blown confession.
�So, will you take tea with me?�
�I think I just might.�
�And the gossip��
�Ah, you tell me yours and I�ll tell you mine.�
�I�m going to be a Grandma.�
He wasn�t expecting that, they were joking, playing around, he wasn�t expecting her to really reveal such a thing.
�Oh my goodness, congratulations.�
There was only a trace of a smile on her lips. �Thank you� I think. It isn�t easy. Rupert is outraged.�
�Oh?�
�I�m sorry, I keep dropping these weights on you. It�s not fair.�
�Better to share?�
�Yes, much.� She sighed. �She�s American, the girl, Philippe met her at University, an artist I think. It would have been easier if Pierre hadn�t abdicated but as you know, things are never simple.�
He nodded sadly.
�Philippe must decide what to do.�
�And the girl?�
�Doesn�t want marriage, doesn�t want this life�� She waved around the room. �But wants the baby.�
�Of course.�
�And he loves her, my son is in love Joseph, do you know how terrifying that is for a Mother � can you imagine?�
�This girl, she must also be terrified.�
�I expect so. Helen, her name is Helen.�
�A different country, a different lifestyle completely. She can�t be expected to simply accept this, let alone want to be part of it.�
She appreciated his frankness. �No, I suppose not. It would change everything, her entire life. And if Philippe chooses to marry her and stay in America it will change everything for us.�
He appreciated the �us�.
�He will make the right choice Clarisse, he�s a strong young man.�
�He loves his country.�
�He loves his Mother.� He said warmly.
�Thank you.�
�You�re very welcome.�
* * *
Rupert stormed down the corridor slamming each door he passed through, the guards lining the route never lifted their faces but trembled slightly in his wake. Barging through the doors to his wife�s suite he almost knocked poor Alice over as she went to leave.
�Sorry Sir.� She said but he hardly paid her any attention instead rushing on and into the room where Clarisse sat reading.
�This is totally unacceptable.� He boomed.
Gracefully she lifted her head and looked at him over the top of her glasses. �What is dear?�
�This damned American woman.� He waved a piece of paper at her. �How can she give birth to a Renaldi and not want to be part of the family, we should have that baby, it�s ours.�
�Rupert, please sit down.� She put her book to one side and attempted to settle him. �Now the baby isn�t ours its Philippe�s and Helen�s.�
�We could force her to hand it over.�
�I wouldn�t be any part of that Rupert, you know how I feel.�
�I need your support to pull it off.�
�And I�ve just said you won�t get it.� She could be just as steely as him if she needed to be. �Helen keeps the baby, we keep out of her life, if that�s what she wants.�
�How can we��
�Ah� she held up her hand silencing him. �We keep out of her life, at least for the time being. Until the child is old enough to understand, until we�re ready to deal with it.�
She moved closer to him on the couch, placing a hand on his leg. �Philippe�s heartbroken Rupert, you must see that.�
He nodded his head.
�So we need to support him, especially now. He feels he�s let us down.�
�He has.�
�Perhaps, but we can�t change it now, we have to move on.� She placed a finger beneath his chin lifting his face to hers. �You look tired, this stress isn�t doing you any good.�
�Don�t fuss.�
�I�m your wife it�s my job.� She smiled warmly and kissed his forehead.
�You�re too good to me.�
�I know.�
She stood and poured him a glass of water; he looked awfully red faced and old, older than she could remember him being. He did have quite a few years on her, almost ten in fact, but recently he�d started to appear drained, to her eyes anyway. And he didn�t seem quite as sharp as he usually did, in conversations he was always the first to seize an opportunity, to pounce on any valuable idea and pursue it. Now he just seemed tired.
�Can I stay here, with you?� He said gently as she handed him the water.
�Stay?�
He looked towards the bedroom then noting her puzzled expression shook his head. �No, no not for that� not for what you think. I just want to be with you.�
�Yes, you can stay. But the left side is mine.�
She held him that night as he slept, listening to the unsteady rattle of his breathing, the body she�d always thought was so strong and so secure seemed thinner, weaker and she realised just how human this man was. Even King�s got ill.
* * *
The following morning Joseph was up and about incredibly early. He went for a jog in the grounds, pounding the icy grass beneath his feet, filling his lungs with the fresh frozen air. Then showered and dressed before making his way to Clarisse�s suite. She had requested the previous day that he join her for Breakfast, citing the reason as going over the security plans for the New Year Ball but privately he�d hoped that was simply a cover. He found himself almost whistling as he strode purposefully down the corridor, feeling alive and completely good about the world.
When he rounded the corner to her door he felt his heart tighten another notch, the anticipation of seeing her was becoming overwhelming. He�d turned into a schoolboy again, meeting a beautiful girl for a first date. Only it all drained away when the door opened and he heard her laughing.
She stepped out in front of him quickly followed by Rupert, his hand rested on the small of her back and they were sharing some joke. Joseph felt his guts hit the floor at the sight of it, he�d spent the night there, they�d spent the night together. Not forced, not in drunken anger, she�d done it out of choice.
�Ah Joseph, good morning to you sir, you look very well.� Rupert seemed brighter this morning, confident.
�Your majesty.� He stumbled over his words, bowing his head.
Clarisse bit down on her lip as she recalled the plans. �You go down, I�ll be just a second I have to discuss something. I�m so sorry Joseph it completely slipped my mind.� She said as calmly as she could allowing Rupert to kiss her cheek.
She turned and re-entered the suite reluctantly followed by her security guard.
�I am sorry Joseph, I got caught up and ��
�I saw, there�s no need to explain.�
�Excuse me?� She stared at him open-mouthed.
�It doesn�t matter.� He said staring at the far wall over her head.
�If you have something to say then say it.� Her voice had dropped lower and she leant over the desk resting her palms flat on the surface.
�I have nothing to say� your Majesty.�
She searched for a response, stood up straight and then took a sharp intake of breath when it hurt her. �Oh goodness Joseph, you think� oh�� She stepped around the desk to him.
�I have no right to question whatever�� He dared to look at her face.
�No you don�t, but part of me is flattered that you care.� She smiled at him, just slightly, then took another deep breath in an attempt to calm her ever-increasing heart rate.
�Nothing happened Joseph, he was upset over this business with Philippe and the baby and it�s all just, just family things I suppose.�
�Of course your Majesty.� He dipped his head.
Oh god she�d said the wrong thing again, caused him to feel isolated and shut out. That was the last thing she wanted.
She stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm. �Joseph, I don�t know what else you want me to say.�
�Nothing.� He shook his head. �Absolutely nothing. The plans for the Ball are complete, I�ll get them to you by mid-morning.�
She let go of his arm. �Thank you,� she sighed. �You can go.�
She watched him leave then sat back on the desk, suddenly she didn�t feel quite so upbeat anymore. How the hell was she supposed to deal with this situation? On the one hand he should be moved immediately, he was attracted to her quite obviously, but she sensed that perhaps there was more to it. It wasn�t simply an innocent crush, there was genuine affection there � and if she was perfectly honest with herself it wasn�t one-sided.
It was with a great deal of effort that she left her suite and made her way down to meet the rest of the family for breakfast.
* * *
Joseph knocked on the heavy wooden door and with some reluctance entered at Clarisse�s bidding.
�You asked to see me your Majesty.� He said calmly, he�d done his best to avoid her for the day, embarrassed by his own idiotic behaviour that morning. Awkward would describe his feelings, bloody awkward and clumsy. Whatever �friendship� they had tentatively formed over the years he had clearly ruined in one stupid moment. Jealous of her husband, what a complete brainless fool.
�Joseph, are you listening to me?�
His head shot up and he focused on her face. �Yes, sorry, sorry� long day.�
�Yes. For me too. Sit down Joseph.� She indicated the seat across from her, turned in her chair and crossed her legs.
�We have to talk about this, as uncomfortable as it might be.� She said with a great degree of effort.
�Yes.� He tried to keep his voice even and level.
�You know as well as I do that this kind of thing isn�t acceptable��
�This kind of thing?�
�Between us.�
�Friends you said.� He said eagerly, not thinking.
�And we are.�
�But you want me to leave.�
�No! No, I don�t. But this can�t� happen,� she whispered. �Nothing can ever happen.�
�You think I don�t know that.� His voice was louder than he meant it to be.
�Joseph please, somebody might hear.�
She watched the emotions play across his face, initial anger turning to despair and heartbreak.
In a second she had moved around the desk to him, bending down next to him and taking his hand. He flinched, her touch unexpected.
�The last thing I want to do is hurt you Joseph.�
�Don�t say that, patronising.�
�It isn�t meant to be, I would never do that. I value you too much. But we can�t�� she searched for the words. �Cross a line.�
�I think I�ve already crossed it.� He stood up abruptly. �If you�ll excuse me your Majesty.�
�No don�t leave now, please we need to sort this out. I don�t want to lose your friendship,� she took a deep breath. �I can�t do this.� She whispered. �There�s too much at stake for me.�
�I know that, I understand that, but I can�t just switch off my feelings. If you want me to leave that�s fine, I�ll do whatever you decide is for the best.�
He made his way to the door.
�Joseph� I am sorry.�
�Not as sorry as I am.� He turned back to her attempting to smile. �Ironic really I search my entire life for �the one� and I can�t have her.�
�Oh�� She moved towards him but he held up his hand.
�Goodnight your majesty.�
�Clarisse.� She said pointedly.
�That would be crossing a line.�
Part 3