To the surprise of the Doctors and all involved Rupert�s health improved. Two weeks after Joseph�s indiscretion and Clarisse�s heartfelt decision he was up and around again. Of course his heavy workload no longer existed, in fact now it was split three-way. Duties were now shared between Rupert, Philippe and Clarisse, and she for one loved the added responsibility.
The winter months passed into summer and it seemed she was happier than she could ever remember. For a start she had her son home, working closely with him, she would never tell him but she had missed the years he�d spent working or travelling abroad. Her husband was thriving especially with the extra time he had on his hands to relax and pursue his hobbies.
And for Clarisse herself, well she had Joseph. Each Wednesday afternoon they would meet in her private library, sit and discuss anything and everything. Whether it be the improvements she was trying to make to the education system, or the way Philippe was coming on in leaps and bounds or quarrelling over something ridiculous and unimportant. They had fallen into a rhythm together, he was becoming her confident aswell as best friend; she trusted and valued his judgement.
Of course there were boundaries, Joseph never dared allow himself to touch her for more than a few seconds. The jolt of pleasure that went through his chest at the feel of her skin or the scent of her perfume was far too intoxicating to resist. So he decided it was easier if they just didn�t get that close, he had no idea where it was all leading or how they would survive twenty odd years of that kind of torture but for the most part he buried those thoughts away. Afterall he had her love and they were together and he wouldn�t do anything to jeopardise that.
During the long summer months they ventured out together into the grounds and took walks. Clarisse especially enjoyed walking in the evening and Joseph offered to accompany her. She had commissioned a revamp of the gardens and was currently in discussion with the landscapers about what was possible.
�I hear you�re being blessed.�
She glanced at him sideways an amused look on her face. �Blessed? Am I?�
�Your own rose.�
�Ahh I see,� She folded her hands together behind her back and swung them as she walked. �Rather wonderful isn�t it.�
�It is, do I get a sneak preview?�
�No, you can wait like everybody else.� She smiled; it was so easy to chat to him, so easy to have fun with him. �Jealous?�
�I�m not sure a rose would suit me.�
�Perhaps, what would you prefer?�
�I don�t know, I don�t pretend to have the market covered on flowers.�
�Hmm�� she stopped walking at him and looked him over. �I�ll think about it and get back to you.�
He laughed amused at her serious expression. �Maybe I�m not a flower at all, I might just be a huge diamond.�
�Oh indeed.� She caught his arm as she giggled then let go instantaneously. �Sorry.�
He raised an eyebrow. �Don�t be. Shall we return, it�s getting late.�
�Yes.� She said gently turning back toward the palace. �Thank you for walking with me Joseph, I do enjoy our conversations.�
�As do I, you know that.� He stepped to the side a little, putting a discreet amount of distance between them. He was keenly aware of the sheer amount of eyes that could be on them now, afterall it was he himself who had installed the new cameras and guards around the palace.
He had worked tirelessly since he�d returned from France, the latest technology was put in place, training was increased and now everything, and everyone, worked efficiently. His judgement was sound and both the King and Prince Philippe accepted and valued his point of view on matters of security.
* * *
It would be several months before Clarisse�s world would change, in fact they made it through to the following January before Rupert was taken ill again. Once more he was confined to his bed only this time there was little hope he would ever make it out again. For two weeks she pushed herself to carry on her duties, undertake half of Rupert�s, spend time with him everyday and continue as the smiling, well-presented royal.
The air in the palace was one of quiet sadness, melancholy, hardly anybody ventured near the King�s suite and the Queen was avoided at all costs. Her moods were unreadable; she would be pleasant one minute and bite your head of the next. Joseph kept his distance, he understood the stresses placed upon her, and despite everything they�d shared the bottom line was her husband was dying. He had no right to demand her attention.
For four days straight he didn�t even speak with her, his duties mainly involved providing protection for Prince Philippe and escorting him to his various engagements. His sleeping patterns were indistinguishable, he grabbed fifteen minutes whenever he could and would eat on the job. He finally managed to arrange a free evening for himself, well free in the fact he got two hours to himself in the evening and had Shades cover the nightshift.
In his room he settled back into the hot bath and closed his eyes, his back was aching, his shoulders felt like he�d been standing up permanently for three weeks straight. If he had the energy he would have poured himself a drink and perhaps put a little music on, but as it was his body collapsed into the hot soapy water and that was that.
Fifteen minutes later his pager buzzed. Cursing he padded across the bathroom to where he�d left his jacket in the bedroom. Rubbing his face with a towel he read the message. Clarisse.
Less than five minutes later he was outside her suite, he knocked and was greeted by Alice just leaving. She waved him inside and scuttled off down the corridor.
He moved through to her personal lounge, she was standing by the fire waiting for him.
�Good evening.� He smiled gently.
�Hello.� She said meeting his gaze, she folded her hands and studied his face.
�Hello.� He moved closer and rested his hands on the back of the couch. �You look exhausted.�
�So do you.�
�How is he?�
�Bearing up. Sleeping at the moment.�
�And you?�
�Oh you know, bearing up��
�Clarisse.�
�I�m fine, I just,� she shrugged. �I needed to see you. Needed to talk about something other than, well, you know.�
�I do.�
She smoothed her skirt and sat down in one of the chairs. �Please sit with me.� He moved around the couch and took a seat. �Tell me, what were you doing this evening?�
He laughed. �Actually I was just taking a bath.�
�You were� oh I�m sorry, I interrupted you, I�m sorry.�
�It�s fine, I�d rather be here.�
She smiled for the first time since he�d entered the room. �You do realise that a year has passed since� our time in the cottage.�
�It hadn�t escaped my memory. I didn�t want to bother you.�
�Bother me?�
�You have enough on your plate at the moment.�
�Considerate as always Joseph.� She leant back in the chair and closed her eyes running a hand through her hair. �Oh Joseph I�m so tired, I don�t think,� she swallowed. �I really don�t know how much longer Rupert has. It hurts, I can�t imagine being here without him.�
She said the words knowing he would understand, there couldn�t be jealousy now, he had her heart, there was no animosity left.
�Pierre is coming home, but you would already know that.� She opened her eyes and looked across to him.
�Yes, I did.�
�How are the staff?�
�Concerned. On edge I suppose.�
�They tell me the country is already mourning,� she took a deep breath. �Perhaps I am too, he isn�t the man I knew� there�s so little of him left.� She gulped back a sob. �I�m sorry.�
�There is no need to apologise to me, you know that, cry if you need to.�
�No,� she sat up straight. �Not now. There will be time.�
He moved on the couch wanting to hold her, but it wouldn�t be appropriate, she had to make the first move.
�I�m not sure I know what to say to Philippe anymore, the poor boy seems to carrying the weight of the world at the moment. I fear I�m not offering as much support as I can.�
�You�re partly running the country Clarisse.�
�I know, I know� I always feel the need to do more.�
�And I know that.�
His voice was gentle, soothing, she held her hand out to him and he took it willingly. Enfolding her fingers with his, smoothing her skin, sending a tingling sensation up her arm.
�Thank you for giving up your free evening for me.� She leant her head towards him. �For being here.�
�I promised, I would never break that.�
She nodded, suddenly it seemed the couch was too far away and she was about to rise from her chair and go sit with him when the outer door to her suite opened. She quickly let go of his hand and sat back in her chair.
�Mother�� Philippe hastily strode into the room then noticing Joseph stopped abruptly.
�Philippe dear, is anything wrong?�
�No, I just needed to talk with you.�
�Ah,� she sat forward. �Joseph was just discussing staff morale with me.�
�I see. Well thank you Joseph.�
�You�re welcome.� He glanced up at his future monarch, a picture of sadness and utter exhaustion, then back to Clarisse who was doing her best to avert her gaze.
�Well�� He said rising from the couch. �I�ll retire for the evening I think.�
�Thank you for your time Joseph.� She smiled gently. �It�s appreciated.�
He glanced over to her, careful not to allow his eyes to linger on her face. �You�re welcome� your majesty.� He turned to Philippe. �Sir.�
�Goodnight Joseph.�
He left quickly, shaking off the awkward feeling as he made his way back to his room.
* * *
Clarisse watched the rain slide down the window in endless streams, it seemed apt, the sun would have somehow been inappropriate. Her hands were folded in her lap, she hardly moved, she daren�t move, people were watching her from every angle. Today she had to be strong, today she had to play her role better that perhaps she ever had in the past. Dignified and strong. The pillar of strength for the country.
Faces lined the route from the palace to the church but she didn�t look at them, she looked past them, an endless blur. She could hear crying, people sobbing as she passed, it seemed somewhat strange to have such an outpouring, so many people sharing in her grief. Philippe sat across from her, Pierre next to her, leaning against her arm, his weight was somehow comforting. She was relying on the two of them to carry her through the day.
Of course she�d always known this day would come, Rupert was much older than she, it was something they�d discussed before marriage. It was almost a certainity that she�d outlive him, but right now that thought offered little comfort. She took a deep breath as they approached the church. The original plan was for the boys to walk behind the coffin, but of course with the weather been so bad in February that idea had been abandoned along with the procession. Yet there the people stood, like marble statues in the cold, the rain pouring off of them, unaffected by the weather their presence and the outpouring of love she felt radiating from them was just enough to carry her through.
�Mother. We�re here.� Pierre whispered breaking into her reverie.
She looked up to his face, rested her hand on his cheek and then reached over and squeezed Philippe�s hand. She couldn�t think of anything to say, she hoped this would be enough reassurance for them.
The door opened and Philippe stepped out first, accepting flowers from the crowds standing round about. Taking a deep breath Clarisse held her hand out and shuffled along the seat.
Joseph caught her fingers, slid his gloved hand into hers and she looked up at him, her eyes shone with unshed tears. He hoped she would allow them to fall, now was the time to grieve, now she had to let go. She was glad of his warmth as she stepped up and came into contact with his chest, she squeezed his hand and he stared into her face for a second. Then he guided her along the path until Pierre came and took her arm. Only then did he step back and walk behind the pair. Shades would follow with Philippe. Right then his only concern was providing support to her.
Her dress was too long, Joseph thought as he followed down the path. It was dragging in the rain and the black material was slowly soaking up the moisture. She usually lifted the long skirts a little when she walked, today she let it drag in the dirt. They�d prepared umbrellas but that morning when she�d witnessed the crowds getting drenched she�d refused them, they would take the rain as anybody else did. Besides, it occurred to him, nobody could tell the rain from tears as they slid down her face. She wore a long black coat over her dress, simple pearls, in fact the only thing that stood out on her was a ruby heart broach attached to the coat� Rupert had given that to her many, many years ago.
He stopped at the back of the church, watched the family take their seats. Rupert�s sister, his cousins, the French prime minister and various diplomats from around Europe. When they were all in place and Shades positioned himself Joseph wandered down the sides, hidden and out of view he could watch the service. Clarisse sat between her sons, holding their hands, she hardly ever showed weakness, not in public. And it seemed she wasn�t going to break that mould now, Pierre was openly crying, he shook next to his mother and she comforted him the best she could. He would speak later, they both would, words for their father.
Funny, Joseph hardly ever saw the man as being a father. But of course he was, and they obviously loved him. Whatever their roles, whatever their money and luxurious their grief was the same as any family. Clarisse glanced over to where he stood and he wondered if she could see him, but no, she couldn�t, not where he had positioned himself. He looked down over the rows of relatives and gathered congregation. For the first time it struck him, Clarisse was part of all this, all these important people, and who was he to them? Nothing. Nothing at all. And yet what they felt for each other, how could anybody say that wasn�t real, that it didn�t matter, that it was nothing. Had been but a year since he�d last touched her, since they�d shared those few days of bliss. What had happened to that woman now, what had happened to the both of them? There was no future to this, he�d been fooling himself to think there could be. She would always be part of this, and he never would.
* * *
Late in the afternoon Clarisse watched the guests leave from her vantage point. The old room at the top of the palace, the one she used to come and hide in. Well here she was again, her arms folded, her gloves removed, she toyed with the wedding ring shining on her finger. It had certainly been a long day, and still the rain came. Physically she was exhausted and yet she knew she wouldn�t sleep tonight, just as she hadn�t really slept for the past two weeks.
She�d escaped just over an hour ago, surely they could forgive her this once. Both Pierre and Philippe were there to carry the family name, she�d run out of things to say and she was tired of the words �I�m sorry.� As sincere as the condolences were, there was only so much she could take.
She heard the door squeak behind her and couldn�t help the slight smile coming to her face. She rubbed her arms, it was chilly in the room. For a moment or two she remained in silence staring out of the window at the grey dense sky.
�I was wondering if you�d come and find me�� she sighed. �I realised I probably should have informed you of my disappearing act, but somehow� well I knew you�d find me.�
She turned.
�Philippe.� She said suddenly. �My dear, I�m sorry.� She gathered her wits quickly. �Is everything, well, do you need me?�
�The majority of the guests have gone mother, it�s fine, relax.� He loosened his tie and joined her by the window. �I told Pierre to pour himself a Brandy and go take a bath.�
�Thank you, he never was good with bad weather, catches a chill easily, like his father in that respect.�
�I know.�
She nodded and turned her head back to the view.
�What did you mean, you thought I�d find you?�
�Oh nothing�� She whispered. �Nothing, I was just babbling on, I�m tired sweetheart, I need to sleep.�
�I know, we all do.�
�Perhaps I should take your advice and take a nice hot bath too.�
�Yes, but can I�� he coughed and cleared his throat, pressing on unsteadily. �Mother, I think I�m old enough now to discuss with you the relationship you and father had.�
She raised an eyebrow questioningly but allowed him to continue.
�I will be King soon and I know people will expect me to marry.�
�Only when you�re ready dear, I wouldn�t push��
�I know, but I also know the demands placed upon me, the expectations, just as they were placed on you. You didn�t marry father for love I know that.�
�No, but I� I grew to love him, certainly not in the fashion that most couples know, but I loved him dearly, as a friend. He gave me many happy years, and you and Pierre of course.� She caught his hand and squeezed it.
�I saw it mother.�
�Saw what?�
�When you got out of the car today, I saw the way he looked at you, the way you looked at him.�
She shook her head. �I�m confused.�
�Joseph mother, I saw the way you looked at him today.�
She dropped his hand abruptly. �I don�t know what you�re implying Philippe but I didn�t look at him in any special way. I�m grieving for your father.�
�I don�t doubt that, you�re grieving for the loss of a friend and companion, but it doesn�t stop what I saw, the look that passed between you. He held your hand too long.�
�Joseph has been on the staff for a very long time Philippe, and yes we are friends, he was offering his support� I�m thankful for that.�
�You�re friends?� He said gently.
�Of course we are, he saved my life, we spent a week locked up in a safe house with the threat of being murdered hanging over heads, of course you bond in a situation like that, of course you do, but there�s nothing more.� She let go of his hand, she was running out of excuses and she certainly didn�t relish being interrogated at a time like this. �I think I�ll go to my rooms, I really need to rest.�
He nodded. �Okay, I�m sorry if I�ve upset you.�
�You haven�t. Forget it.� She walked towards the door and gripped the handle. �Philippe?�
�Yes.�
�How did you know I was up here?�
�I asked Joseph��
*
Part 14