1999 february 16

crash

the theme today is crash, crashing, crashed.

1.

i don't know if it is because i am reading the book, but suddenly i am hyperaware of traffic accidents and near misses. actually, i am not really reading the book, skimming would be a more accurate characterization since i am finding it somewhat tedious. i hate that in a book, when i care just enough to know how it comes out but not enough to make the journey to the resolution an entertaining one.

in any event, in the last week, i have seen one rear ender, heard at least five sets of tires squeal as brakes are hit to avoid collision, and watched countless sirened ambulances and police cars whiz by as i walk to the office. it has started to unnerve me, dwelling on the possibility that there are looneytunes out there who get their jollies from car crashes. it's bad enough driving defensively against the mindless, but to add the intent to crash, and get off on it, into the mix just makes me glad i drive with both eyes on the road and all the other cars. i'm rather fanatical about it: rearview, side mirror left, side mirror right, over left shoulder, over right shoulder, straight ahead. it's a wonder i don't make myself dizzy.

2.

out of the blue, i am once again sick. late yesterday morning, i was sitting at my desk and i suddenly had the urge to cough. i thought perhaps i had swallowed wrong or was once again reacting to the uberdryness that is our office in the winter, but the urge persisted and grew worse. there was a vague ache and tightness in my lungs but no phlegm and i didn't feel badly otherwise so i shrugged it off. by the time i got home at 3, i had a little chill so took my temperature: 99.9f. i love that temperature, reminds me of suzanne vega.

by 8 o'clock, i felt as though i were in danger of smokey the bear arriving on my doorstep to put me out: 101.5f.

i have five different projects due on march 1; i cannot afford to miss any work. wish me luck on getting to the office without crashing the car or myself.

3.

when i dressed this morning, i noticed a huge bruise on my left thigh. i must have crashed into the desk again in the middle of the night. i do that when i get up to go to the bathroom, and do it often enough that it no longer wakes me up.

sometimes i think i know what it feels like to have leprosy; that whole numb to the pain i cause myself thing and all.

cough, whimper, cough, claire