| Jess: I walked in, and there was a coating or dye on his eyebrows. He looked like Max Headroom. Vern: I looked plastic. [Chad's trying to light Vern�s hair on fire and there is a scuffle.] Jess: He�s got hair spray on. That�s going to catch fire just like Michael Jackson. Jess: Film Deron racking up my phone bill. Chad: Are you talking to Jess� girlfriend? [laughter] Jess: I can�t talk on the phone with you guys around. You guys are like "oooohohohhoohh." Deron: You just don�t want us to hear you saying the gayest fucking shit in the world. Jess: I do say some gay shit like, "Oh, hey pumpkin," the way you do when you�re on the phone with Chad? When he wants to talk to you, he�s like, "Yo, tell him this, tell him this." Chad: He�s trying to divert the attention away from him on the phone with his girlfriend. Jess: It�s pathetic and I admit it. OK, so we were talking about how Vern smells like an old man. What does Vern smell like? If you�re within a five-foot radius of him, you can smell it. [We enter the 99 cents store.] Deron: He smells like a 1987 station wagon with a stale vanilla deodorizer, and French fries stuck to the seats. Jess: All this shit is only 99 cents?--let�s find something in here that isn�t 99 cents. There�s got to be something that is like four dollars and 99 cents. Let�s find whatever it is. Chad: I was here today, I think--remember? I feel like I�m back home. TWS: Tell me about the van burning in Kansas on the Volcom Heartland Tour. Jess: Ohh, that sucked--oh my God. TWS: Did you lose equipment? Jess: No, actually we were in the other van. We saw it catch fire. Everybody said the whole thing was filled with smoke. Then the fire department got there in like a second and put it out. [At this point we�re asked to leave the store by a manager. We claim we�re not filming, just recording an audio interview.] Jess: Is everything in here 99 cents? [to manager] Chad: I know you guys sell Chinese Bugles. TWS: What aisle are the Chinese Bugles on? Chad: I know where they are. Jess: The little snacks, you know, the wannabe Fritos. Manager: Aisle 2 and 3. Jess: Wait, wait, wait, I didn�t tell you about the van burning. In the other lane there was some dude looking at the accident, and he got in an accident too. It was so rad. There were 2 accidents on either side of the road. TWS: What�s your favorite skit in CKY2K? Deron: The one where all the gay guys are in the hot springs--that�s my favorite. Did you see that part? Jess: The hot volcanic lake where they�re all washing each other and being gay. Chad: I want to show you the Chinese Bugles. Bugles - I don�t know if that�s Chinese, it could be Yiddish. You have no idea what that says--it could be poisonous. It says Bugles in English, but as if you can read that � this is Iranian. It says original flavor here, but what does that say? Deron: [Picking up the shrimp chips.] These look like circus peanuts. Jess: I�m buying these, and we�re all eating one. We�re all eating these. They look like Styrofoam or little packing peanuts. TWS: Get all the fans to eat one of those tonight. There seems to be a little confusion about the CD�s. Can you clarify? Jess: What happened was we did the first couple thousand with the Bud Dwyer image, (the guy shooting himself in the head)but it was too gnarly for Volcom. They pressed a thousand, but it was just too crazy. So then we � oh wait, I�m supposed to get Mark a Mountain Dew. [Jess goes in search of a soda] They don�t have Mountain Dew. They have Shasta. It is like wannabe Sprite. He�s just going to have to deal with this. |