Previous : 24/04/03 Next :
26/04/03
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25/04/03
Brother threatened to hack the system
if I type down whatever he was doing to irritate me.. so well~
The interview was crappy today. got
there around 9.. stupid me took a cab coz thought I was going to be late..
so got there in like 5 minutes.. yes.. its only 4 bus-stops away from my
house.. no no no.. I'm not splurging money like Saddam~ in the end I walked around trying to look for the Business Block...
was smart enough to ask a very nice security guard.. felt totally dumb.. coz
I was wearing this long sleeve shirt and a long skirt.. too formal as I see
it...sigh.. the essay was a breeze.. though I'm very certain I went out of
point.. but I wrote with "passion" and "conviction"........Right.
was being totally 'full-of-shit'
today.. have no idea why I like to talk so much these days.. should just
shut up at times... didn't really mean to cut off this gal while she was
talking.. felt so bad bout it.. didn't know what got over me.. I was a bit
duh by myself.. very much wanted to apologise to her but she disappeared
after the interview.. also made a dumb fool by rebutting the professors and
not seeing the bloody point that he was making.. still.. I think he didn't
see my point.. so I was getting a bit 'aggitated' or was I? waaha.. ah
well.. its an experience like Chuan said.. very tempted to study there -
provided that I do get accepted - coz its soooo near~ but erm.. the guys
population is like.. pa.the.tic.. so on second thoughts.. hehe..
you know the convenience of staying
near SMU? is that I get to go home.. bathe.. change.. and return to the
school with the documents I forgot to bring.. wahahahh~ and I even had time
to sit around and wait for Pui and Chuan to finish.. had a very lovely and
fulfilling lunch at coronation~ then decided to sing KTV~
oooooooo... and the good thing is..
Qianyu actually came along~ was very happy to hear that.. though at
one point of time I was being a bitch.. and totally being skeptical buot the
whole thingy.. so yes~ then Joyce (Sim) messaged me~ another good news of
the day~ asked her along to sing with us.. she didn't really sing much.. in
fact I had to force her to sing some stupid stupid lame songs.. but when she
did.. "WOW" I love her voice~ so very very.. erm.. nice~ yup~ sing more sing
more~ of course we weren't too bad ourselves.. Chuan unfortunately had a
sorethroat.. but amazingly she sang well~ yes.. impressed.. as for the rest
of us.. we did well too~ sang a lot of stupid songs.. most of the time was
out of breath.. hm.. wonder why.. must go "bi guan xiu lian" then wahaahh~
right.. didn't feel exactly comfy coz I'm claustrophobic.. yup~ but in the
end it wasn't as ex as I think it'd be.. so was quite contented. had to rush
home coz brother was a bit mad at me for hanging out at the KTV.. but things
turned out fine.. had a lovely dinner alone.. no- no sarcasm! so am back to
typing entry..
starting to see myself turning into a
bitter bitch.. and thats scarry.. been complaining a lot these days..
skeptical and cynical... yeeee.. dun like~ suddenly felt quite dumb for
being so worried bout my friend.. felt stupid for being overly-concerned..
idiotic for being so mean..
I might just be pushing her away...
I know very well how she feels..
being stuck in the middle.. yet I'm not helping..
failed as a friend..
haha.. and I even proclaimed myself
to be close to her.. how stupid.. even very generously told everyone.. just
for her to be happy.. I realised that I'm not that generous.. not all that
forgiving..
looks like I just have to accept
reality.. have to accept that things will NEVER be the same again..
I had once - for a few months..
wished for many things to remain the way as it is.. its inertia.. its simply
impossible.. I should have known.. right from the beginning.. it was just
another wishful thinking on my part.. a selfish thought.. I'm not
depressed.. but I'm starting to see the reality.. starting to face it..
starting to see that NO MATTER what I do.. or no matter what happens..
things will NOT change.. sigh..
That fact hurts... it bloody
hurts.. like hell..
I miss the old days.. miss the
freedom.. miss being able to face my friend without feeling awkward..
without having to question her.. if she's happy... There was an "air of
Jaded Sullenness" (quote from Hard Times) in her.. miss her bright
smile..
miss her company.. the overnight
stays..miss the long talks.. miss hanging out.. for one moment.. I don't
believe "Friends Forever"... and I actually hate the person who came up with
such a term.. perhaps it was only meant to be a term.. not meant for
reality.. ok.. its stupid to stop believing in such a thing just coz of one
example.. I know I shouldn't be like that.. I know that by the end of the
day.. I would always believe in friends.. suddenly feel very childish..
talking bout friendship and stuff.. should have stopped that kind of talk by
primary school.. perhaps I'll never outgrow it.. its a big part of my life.
I need to rant..
shall not be so cynical... been very
mean lately..
with deepest warmest wishes.. for her
to be happy..
acceptance.. I want to stop
fighting.. ~ stop worrying~ stop caring~ is that very heartless of me? ya...
I think so.. and plain stupid.. sigh.. want to leave them alone... want to
walk away.. leave myself with some dignity.. =I
I want to ... break free..
seriously.. she deserves... much
better...
when things go wrong.. with someone
whom I'm close to.. I'd blame myself.. for not being good enough.. not being
kind enough.. its a self-destructive mechanism.. even when a part of me
knows.. its not totally my fault.. then why the guilt?
gee.. I wish.. for pple in
relationships to be sensible.. yes in love.. magic - ABRAKADABRA~ but please
please.. at LEAST be REASONABLE~
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*******************
words can kill..
body language can hurt..
tones can anger..
If you love her.. shower her with
tenderness..
not let her drown herself in tears..
If you're aware of the impact of your
actions..
how vulnerable human beings are..
Please.. be humane..
If you're nice.. I'd be nice too..
If you hurt my friend.. I will bury
you..
If you're ego and full of pride..
I'd send you to your 'death' in the
Safari with the Lions..
( - so much for pride can kill eh? )
If you're unreasonable.. then you
don't deserve reasonable
treatment..
If you know not how to appreciate,
then you're one
pathetic human being...
If you think other pple have no right
to interfere..
then don't give them LOADS of reason
to..
If you're an asshole... you're just
full of shit..
If your attitude sucks.. You suck..
Don't give yourself reasons to defend
your stand.. coz
they're only plain
EXCUSES ...
***
***
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***
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I .. just want to... =)
Have a great evening pple~
PAUL IS HOME~ SO CAN CALL HIM!
WAHAHHA.. WELCOME BACK TO UK.. EH? YA.. HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT TIME
TOURING ROUND EUROPE! BUT STILL SADDEN BY THE FACT THAT YOU CAN'T COME BACK
JUST.... YET... *POUTS*
IiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiI
LllllllllllllllllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvV
YyyyyyyyyyyyyyooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuU
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TaKe CaRe BaBy~ =)
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Nel - mood swing~~~
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Few Jokes Of the day :
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Students : ok please bring your name
cards and proceed to the next room...
everyone walks out..
One student : (to Blur Ger) think you
forgotten your name card
Blur Ger : oh ya hor.. smile
widely and sheepishly
Friends call her name in
disbelief.. not again?!?!
Professor : what would you do if you
had lots of money?
Blur Ger : I think if you're poor
then 10 bucks would be a lot... I'm well-provided for.. thus I have no need
for luxuries..
our very cute blur queen.. erm anyone
want anything from Bodyshop?
At KTV ...
Jasc : (to Qian) whats your blog?
Nel : she has no blog.. (Qian
doesn't hear)
Qian : (matter of factly)
Block 23A
Jasc, Nel, Chuan, Joyce stare at
each other in confusion.. Then bursts out laughing..
Nel : mine is 311
Chuan : mine is 65...
Joyce : wahahahhaa.....
Jasc : shakes head
...
anyone for Japan Hour???? =p
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little entertainment in life.. gee...
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MeSsAgE
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Previous : 24/04/03 Next :
26/04/03
