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| Staring further into the abyss, which has become my life (Incomplete relationships exist with career, son and ex-wife) Staring further into the abyss, which has become my life At the dismal, dreary forms that draw me deeper into despair This is nothing about promise, potential or productivity And everything about famine, pestilence, death & destruction Staring further into the abyss now known as my life Beyond contaminated relationships with mother and with ex-wife The fragility of love and the containers it does pour from Makes it too precious a commodity to be wasted on this son Staring further into the abyss which has become my life What is up, other than the jagged precipice from which I fell? So far from my home, from the innocence of childhood days Can I possibly return? Perhaps only in my mind, yet I am stuck there! In a quicksand of memory that pulls me always back to easier times To times when my way seemed natural and I walked assuredly Those times seem more sunny and bright and now. Yet its always lighter, looking up to bright days, to times past Than to look down, clinging to melancholy & all that is beneath me Looking into the shadows of my life Forgetting the object in the way of the light (& that there is light) Forgetting the self that now casts a larger shadow � As I have grown more to block out more light. � HOW NARROW, HOW OBSCURE! Not seeing that it is only my growth that casts the shadow large AND IT IS THE PRESENCE OF THE LIGHT CLOSER TO ME That causes me to see it not, but to see only the dark Interpreting it as more Nor feel it with senses too focused on the illusionary shadow How abrupt this passage, how unfamiliar this receding grave Winding down deeper, the trail is easy. The steps are quick. But to ascend takes everything that I have got With the risk of falling down further looming large Perhaps I need to die, either where I am or leaping off the edge Or will there only be another ledge upon which to land? Will there only be more time to ponder the stupidity of my choices And the sheer recklessness of my unwillingness to love fully at this moment? Copyright (C) CJC January 22, 2001 |
| Transcending family About to enter into the web of my family once again Where the past looms large on who I have been But honors not, what I�ve become or have chosen Offering little support for what lies ahead or within Walking into the abyss of love - the tiered structure That closes me in - giving me identity, yet not free But encumbered with the cycle and circle of ages past Where the littleness of me may be all that they see So who shall I be? From where shall I reside? From an internal state, transcendent, my only hope lies Where I can avoid petty states, letting curiosity awaken To reach out from my early grave, to all I had forsaken Copyright (C) CJC August 11, 2001 |
| Love lifts the veil It could happen in a moment�s notice Between the hidden veil we know as time When you shift into another, of love and beauty That was past, or could be waiting down the line It�s a magical time when a fair wind blows As a scent of pine lifts you out of your cares Into a harmonious world that is sunny and bright In a world of nature with someone special to share Where you would endlessly stroll down fern filled lanes With your special lover beside you, filled with glee The worst you would hear would be a gentle spring rain That caused you to duck into the hollow of a mighty oak tree You would lovingly gaze at the waves in his hair His arm snug behind you, your head rests on his neck As he reached out his hand to you, enveloping you there And he admires your glistening cheek, and gives it a peck The daylight fades as night-time darkness grows While your embraces cover you from head to toe Silvery moonbeams dance as heat between you builds Slowly you undress, away from the night air�s chill You sit up facing your partner, legs wrapped around the other Hands and arms warmly caressing over the contours of your lover Bodies pulled together, touching warm flesh trembling, and so close Faces pull back for eyes to see, and for eskimo kisses, nose to nose Breathing one breath, sharing one look between your eyes together Fingers glide over the nape of a neck, chills ride as if on a feather Moving slowly over your skin, electricity races along your spine Whispering these words into your tender ear, my heart does pine �My darling, my sweet, my dearest, my love this moment to covet is ordained by God above; that the love that is here is also your gift freely offered to you, to be a spiritual lift.� �Rest within my arms - let all your cares go, I�ll gladly work with you as a new life you sow; And these moments of love, of true peace and bliss Will continue through time - sealed with a kiss.� Copyright (C) CJC October 18, 1999 |
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