| Responsible Non-Monogamy |
| There are many lifestyle choices that fall under the category of responsible non-monogamy.... Polygamy, polyandry, polyamory, polyfidelity, promoscuity and swinging just to name a few. But the keyword is RESPONSIBLE. It SHOULD go without saying, but it seems that I have to say it anyway... Men and women who are seeking merely seeking discreet sex on the side without their partners' being aware of it are NOT practicing responsible non-monogamy. I've been told by some individuals that an open relationship is nothing more than cheating with permission and that I'm a hypocrite for refusing to play with married men on the side... usually by the married men. If you have permission, it's not cheating! And for those who just can't get past that idea, keep in mind that it's possible to cheat without anything sexual ever taking place.s People cheat on tests, or cheat on a diet, or cheat on their taxes, people even cheat when they play solitaire. Cheating is not about having sex outside of marriage, it's about being dishonest. If your relationship agreement includes sex outside of your marriage and you are honest about it, you are not cheating. |
| What works for you may not work for me, and visa versa. |
 |
| After this extensive monologue you might think that I consider myself to be an expert on Polyamory and responsible non-monogamy. But this whole page is nothing more than me telling you about my personal beliefs and a lifetime of experiences that make me an expert on ME. If you are interested in learning about polyamory, please check the link below for other points of view. Keep in mind that everyone has different views on different things. Just because something works for one person or family, doesn't mean it going to work for anyone else. Actually you should keep that in mind no matter WHAT topic you are researching! If anyone tries to tell you there is only one "RIGHT WAY" to do something, they are very misguided. Only you know what is best for you. As long as you follow your heart, you will never go wrong. |
| Many people do find monogamous relationships to be very fulfilling and I am very happy for them. My Grandparents had a loving and passionate life togther. My daughter and her partner have been together since they were 14... and are still strong after 8 years. I know so many people who have beautiful, monogamous relationships and I admire them and respect them. I do not envy them however, because it does not appeal to me in the least and I will not subject myself to the social pressure to hide my true feelings and pretend to be someone I am not just to avoid offending those who are monogamous... or jealous :) It's like a wine maker being offended because I don't drink wine! Just because I don't drink it, does not mean that you can't. The thing that bothers me most about society's view of relationships is that the outward appearance of monogamy (especially hetrosexual monogamy) is more important than actually being honest within the relationship. Why is it more acceptable in this society to cheat on your spouse, than to be honest and open with our partners about not being monogamous? And heaven forbid if the spouse that you are honest with is not only OK with your honesty, but happens to develop a friendship or affection for one of your partners as well. It's this twisted standard that is one of the reasons I prefer to use my own judgement and moral standard to make choices about me and my life than be subject myself to the hypocracy of societal standards. I make the concious choice to NOT be dishonest, to not hide the truth of who I am from anyone and everyone who asks. Being true to myself and the people in my life is what is most important to me. If, as a result, I frighten away those who are interested in developing a monogamous relationship with me, that's fine. I am not interested in anyone who is seeking a monogamous arrangement anyway, so it's a win-win situation. |
| Intimate friendships. |
| I am a very diverse person which is why an open relationship style based on friendship suits me best. I am also very fond of physical intimacy which is why my friendships will often, but not always, include it. :) Part of being responsible is being honest about who I am, and letting all of my partners and potential partners make their own choices based on the full truth of who I am. This does NOT mean that I act without considering how my choices impact my partners. I believe very strongly that all relationships need to be built on a solid foundation of TRUST, HONESTY, COMMUNICATION, RESPONSIBILITY, PATIENCE, DEPENDABILITY, RESPECT, and ACCEPTANCE. Without a solid foundation, no relationship will ever survive, much less grow, no matter how much love there is. |
| I am deeply in love with my primary partner, Shawn and he is deeply in love with me. He is new to the ideas of polyamory but knows and accepts it as part of who I am and is happy to share this life with me. The phrase that best suits the type of relationships we are interested in is "intimate friendship". It's not really the same as "friends with benefits" because we're more interested in the friendship than getting to the benefits. While we do enjoy the physical aspects of an intimate friendship, we do not engage in casual sex with strangers. We have a close circle of friends that we play with on occasion, but we tend to talk about work, kids, and family much of the time. |