We're aware that  some of you may have some questions, on something you've been wondering forever, something you've been too scared to ask anyone in real life, and most importantly, something that is NOT a question for advice. If you have a question for advice, send it here and read our response here.  But if you want to know what gravity is,  fill  form on this page right here! You don't have to put your email, or your real name.  But it would be nice.  Anyway, ask away, we're ready for anything you've got!

Geography: 0, Us:1

Name: Odette
Email: you guys know it, right?
Question: What is the capital of Uzbekistan?

Answer: Do you know how I memorized the capital of Uzbekistan? First, to recognize Uzbekistan on a map I looked at the shape of the country, and then was like "hmmm, that *kinda* looks like an uzzi" (which i thought was one of those big weapon type things? yeahh. but i'm not sure if it is or not, but its not really important.) Then i was like, "hmm...Tasch and kent [two kids in my class] would die for an uzzi".  Thus, the capital, Tashkent.  However, never attempt to remember it the way I did, or you will invariably spell the capital "Tachkent" or "Taschkent" and get full points taken off by an anal social studies teacher who would never understand how ridiculous it is to learn how to spell capitals of countries that most people have never heard of.  I know it's important to learn about countries such as Uzbekistan, mostly to sound cool and knowledgeable.  But most of us will never have to use that in real life. So *why* the *heck* did you ask that? I want a full written explanation on why i had to answer that question, now.  You brought back some *very*  painful memories, I hope you know!:(

A Modest Proposal, Denied.

Name: Kristy
Question: "Huh?"

Answer:  Okay, Kristy. I know you don't want to hear it, but stop playing dumb.  I told you I don't like you, okay?  As I said, I'm with Chris now.  Stop pretending to not now my language and get it through your head. I know my modeling pictures were enticing but they were not made to attract you.  Even if you do look a lot like Alicia Silverstone (*blush*).  No-no, its just not right. I feel nothing for you. do-you-under-stand??

Pathetic Attempts for my love

Name: Elise Ann Kramer, residing in Queens, which is just outside of New York City, sister of Adam, daughter of Mrs. and Mr. Kramer
Question: "Do you love me, now that I can dance?"

Answer: Will this *never* end? No, no i do not love you.  Like I said with Kristy, I did not put those model pictures up in hopes of getting you under my spell.  And I will never love you that way, no matter how many sexy dance moves you learn, or perform in front of me.  And you can write all the emails and send all the gifts you want- and i mean it, please, please do, but I will not love you.  But you could try.  With a big screen color TV.  It *might* help.  But I promise nothing.

Curiosity Kills the lovesick cat

Name: Lost50
Question: I think Lisa is so beautiful.  Where can I meet her?  I think shes my dream girl

Answer: Lisa can be found on the internet, on this very site. Come visit it a lot and tell all her friends about this bitch prostituting herself so her site can be popular!  Lisa can also be found at American University, but i won't tell you where that is, because it's not safe. The fans are just getting too much to handle. First Kristy, then Elise, now this?  No, no, it's all too much.  I hate you! get away from me!
nono! Stay.  Just don't stalk me, because then my head would be *really* too big and I don't need all that stalker self-esteem:).

!!!

Name: Pervert from Chatroom.
Question: Nice pics do you have any nudes

Answer: Dear Pervert from chatroom, if you would like nude pictures please send a self addressed envelope to post box office 3421 Washington DC, 20007, plus 50$ cash.  Then pray for a miracle.

Assuming Makes an Ass out of U and Me

Name: Dido
Question: How and when can I have sex with her?

Answer: Friday at 9 pm.

Blake Fan Finds Us

Name: The D'Arcy Drummer
Question: i couldn't help but notice that you use a Jets to Brazil lyric at the top of your page. and here i was thinking i was the only indie rocker who had heard of that band... you guys need to email me and  we'll talk about music...maybe i can even send you a demo of my band. very pumpkins. very deftones. very fuckin good. l8ter. jason.

Answer: You're awesome.  Yeah we love Jets to Brazil and I'm going to leave chris for Blake, eventually....

Oh, come on!

Name: Brian
Question: What is the best lubricant for anal sex?

Answer: EWWWWWWW! Vaseline.

And I want, you back....

Name: Bill
Question:  My question is, what do i do, now that my girlfriend wants me back?

Answer: Take her! you're lucky to have someone as hot as her, you know!  Its not like you're a Brad Pitt.  Sheesh.

Reaching Out For Something That Is Good.

Name: Michael
Question: Why does God make such beautiful women and then keep them far far away from me? Kinda messed up don't you think? When I die will lisa come to my gave to laugh?

Answer: Eh, I doubt it.  I'd probably dance on your grave, not laugh.  Because dancing's much more fun.  As for the women, I think that its a little messed up that you have never seen anyone in your location that is somewhat physically attractive.  Do you live in the Amish country or something?