CHAPTER 17: I DON’T WANT CAKE!

Factmcfactstein, or “Facts” as I called her, was one of the particularly hurtful women on the old bully boards. She was a young woman in her 20s, and I swear I had talked to her close to a year ago in those discussions with Exie and Marcus, but she denied it. I am certain it was her, though. I never forgot that name. She had admitted she smoked pot, and Marcus was really getting on her about it in his blunt, no-nonsense way, while I used the more caring mother-mode. We had never discussed oral sex (it wasn’t an issue back then), but now with the Tough Chicks, she joined in with ridiculing me, saying I was lazy and selfish. She also put me down for my weight loss program. I don’t remember what I said to generate this response from her, but on July 5 she told me:

“My girlfriends know exactly what type of woman I am. If they ask, I tell them like it is and always have their backs. I am the dependable one. I am the one who makes sure everyone leaves the bar together. I am the first in the fight. All my girlfriends are incredible people and it took me a long time to find them. We know each others flaws and pains and secrets, and it only makes our friendships stronger. You would be lucky to have a girlfriend like me. If they talk to you, they would feel bad for you. And moreover, I do have a friend that struggles with her weight. She is genetically predisposed to be large and solid. She works her ass off in the gym and eats healthier than anyone I have ever seen. She is also one of the sexiest women I know. Listening to you complain about gaining weight and knowing her situation makes you seem all the more like a whiney baby.”

I was furious! What did she mean, that her friends would feel SORRY for me? Because I try to help people realize they shouldn’t use marijuana? Because I had great success on a controlled-carb program and now eat healthier than I ever have before? Because I try to defend myself against all the hurtful comments from people telling me I’m frigid and lazy and selfish? What was WRONG with this woman? How could she say those things??? And I was happy for her friend who “worked her *ss off in the gym” and ate healthy. If that was working for her, great! Why was she telling me this? I never “complained” about gaining weight! Yes, it was included as part of my weight loss story on my homepage, but on the boards I tried to dispel misconceptions about low carb and controlled-carb programs, and talked about how well Somersize worked for me. What was wrong with that? Oh she just made me so mad!!!

From what I remember, I think that Hummy must have come along and simply asked Facts something about her friends. She didn’t say how mean and hurtful her comments were to me, nothing. I must have blown up at Hummy, and a big fight ensued, and then TickyTack came by and asked what was going on, to which Trollhousecookies, another meanie, replied:

“Here’s the gist of it:
Hummy was nice to Cindybin.
Factmcfactstein described herself as a strong-willed woman who’d back up her friends.
Cindybin didn’t like that for some reason.
Hummy continued to be nice to Factmcfactstein, which honked off Cindybin.
Cindybin lit into Hummy.
Xela tried to reason with Cindybin, and Cindybin went off on Xela.
Cindybin went off on Facmcfactstein.
Hell…Cindybin went off on everyone and everything including the deep end.
Is that an accurate summary, ladies—I mean, ‘Tough Chicks’?”

Xela was another one I couldn’t understand how they could all be so nice to. I first saw this person sometime in the summer, I believe. She claimed to be a 20-year-old college student, and arrived on the scene cussing up a storm, talking about how she smokes pot and has given blowjobs to all her boyfriends. Her cussing, grammar and spelling was so bad, I said I was having a hard time understanding her. After that, she suddenly straightened up, which I thought was rather strange. She also seemed to know EXACTLY what buttons to push in order to annoy me as much as possible. I had my doubts as to whether or not she was real. She could have been one of the Tough Chicks in disguise (possibly hrcuteness), just saying all these things to upset me so that they could have a laugh.

On July 7, Funnychick posted to me: “Xela has lived more and lived more honestly in 20 years than you have in 48 years. She has probably had better communication with boyfriends than you’ve ever had with your husband. I find that sad on so many levels. Xela is much healthier mentally and spiritually at 20 than a LOT of people her age. You’d be wise to listen to her.”

How could she SAY that? She would say a girl like Xela, real or not, someone who originally came on the boards cussing up a storm, who puts me down for not having it in me to perform a blowjob, who thinks nothing is wrong with smoking pot, and who makes fun of me for the way I eat, is better than me??? I’d be wise to listen to HER???? AARGGGHHHHH!!!!

Not only did Xela put me down for the way I ate, but most of the others continued to as well. One day a person I did not know well, Catus_felidae, came on the bully boards. Somehow we got into a conversation about Easybake ovens, a toy we both had as children. I thought she was so nice and normal. Then I checked her profile and saw that she posted nude pictures of herself. I tried to talk to her about that and got nowhere. Then somehow we got onto the subject of lowcarb and the role of fat in our diets. I tried to explain that fat is good for us and needed for healthy cell reproduction, but that we need to make sure it is real fat, not transfat. She got extremely angry and made long posts about how bad fat is. I again nicely explained that this was not the case. I was not telling her these things to anger or upset her, I said. I was just trying to dispel some misconceptions. But she would hear nothing of it. Fat is bad, period.

Earlier in the summer, I thought I was getting through to Eatmy and Fuschia at one point, too, but that was a joke. I had a nice conversation with Eatmy once, and then she turned on me, essentially saying I was nuts for eating the way I do. Fuschia and I talked nicely one day, too. She told me how she when she eats lunch with some of her overweight co-workers, they consume far more than she does. I understood how that could happen, I said, noting that many overweight people do eat too much. I think this may have been the day she or I came back from Subway and were talking about what we ate there. I was now only eating lowcarb wraps, not anything with bread. I had my whole-grain oatmeal in the morning, and that was it as far as grain products. She, on the other hand, could eat a regular Subway sandwich, along with soda and probably other things, too. She firmly believed in “everything in moderation.” I tried again to explain that it’s not always so easy. Yes, there is truth to that, and moderation is part of controlled carb. But if I were to eat a regular sandwich with white bread, it would raise my insulin level and could cause fat to be stored. It also might cause my cravings to come back. I told her that up until my early 30s, I would have eaten something like that with no problem. But I couldn’t anymore, my body just wouldn’t handle it. She scoffed at that notion.

Another night Fuschia and I had a fairly decent conversation, but before she signed off, she told me to “read some other books besides Chrissy Snow and expand your mind.” Grrr! I had told her over and over that when I was trying to lose weight all those years, I read books on diets and health and nutrition, and most all of them said to cut back on fat and calories and portions, etc. and that by following this “traditional” diet advice, I only became hungrier and my cravings were out of control! There was nothing in the Somersize books or Dr. Scwharzbein’s books (the doctor who wrote the introduction for Somersize) that was far-fetched or unhealthy, I said. It was all just basic, common sense healthy eating. What was I supposed to eat? I ate from all food groups! Oh, she just drove me nuts. She also made fun of how you can’t eat “evil bananas” on lowcarb. I had explained that to her several times as well, that when you are trying to lose weight, it’s best to avoid high-glycemic fruits because they will raise your insulin level which can cause fat to be stored. Once you lose the weight, you can eat bananas, IF you find it doesn’t interfere with your weight. Why was that so hard for her to accept? Just because SHE didn’t need to lose weight didn’t mean others were as fortunate.

She and Internet Fake Tree and Funnychick and others also asked me if I would eat cake at my son’s wedding. I said no, that I no longer have a desire for that stuff anymore, and wouldn’t want to take a chance on having my cravings come back. I have heard too many horror stories of people taking one “cheat” and they are out of control. “But one piece of cake or a few bites isn’t going to hurt you!” they all said. I knew that, I replied, noting that it didn’t mean I would immediately gain ten pounds by eating a piece of cake. But I did not want to put all that sugar and refined flour into my system. Especially since I haven’t had it for so many years—it would probably make me sick. I just didn’t want to undo all the good work I did. And I simply had no desire for that stuff anymore, I reiterated. It wasn’t a matter of willpower, it was that I just didn’t want it! “You mean you would be so rude as to sit there with your nose in the air at your son’s wedding and refuse to eat the cake?” they said. I told them that perhaps a lowcarb cake could be made as part of the festivities. But I was not going to put that junk food into my body just to be polite. It wasn’t worth it. Hummy said, “It can’t be a very good diet if it won’t let you have a piece of cake once in a while.” Grrrr!!! I DON’T WANT THE FREAKIN’ CAKE, OKAY???

Internet Fake Tree told me I was too skinny. “My husband likes a woman with some meat on her bones!” she said. First of all, I thought that was rude; one should never put a person down for their size, whether too thin or too heavy. Secondly, I tried to tell her that I am not that thin! If you put me next to a person like Heather Locklear or Sarah Michelle Gellar, I would look like a tub! I knew I looked thin in some of my photos, but I didn’t post the unflattering ones with my fat stomach and butt sticking out! Also, Internet Fake Tree said I acted like this was the only way to eat, the only thing that works. I felt she had a good point, so I mentioned about how it didn’t work for my husband, nicely explaining how when he saw the good results I had, he started eating this way but that it hadn’t done a thing for him. This was unusual, I stressed, because most men have great success on controlled carb. The women on lowcarb sites usually complain about how their husbands lose faster than they do. I could never join in on those conversations, because my husband hadn’t lost a pound, and it was very frustrating. He must just have a different metabolism and body type, I said. From then on, Internet Fake Tree referred to him as my “fat husband”. Yes Hummy, Internet Fake Tree sure is sweet.


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