|
So I decided to put this on here as opposed to my myspace page... I'm going to get pretty raw here. In the past year and a half, my life has changed so much. And I just needed to get it all out, confess some things, and just release. I am happier than I've been my entire life. And it is thanks to one man. (Besides daddy of course). His name is Larry Lee Jones. And he is the reason I am alive today, I truly believe that with all of my heart. He saved me in more ways than one. In and around the year 2005 I wasn't who I needed to be or where I needed to be. I knew that. I just didn't know how to get away from the negative in my life. I had been with a person for way too long, who took way too much from me, and I needed to get some of me back. (I don't call him a man on purpose...There are reasons for that.) I'll start my story back in say... 1998. I had started dating someone who wasn't good for me. He was violent, he was obsessive compulsive, and to put it mildly, a vicious freak. I knew I was stuck, but what could I do. At that point I was still in essence, a child. In 1999, he was in a car accident. A horrible accident, where he lost his brother. Now, I would never wish what he went through on anyone. But I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy. I tried, I tried so hard to be the faithful little woman and do his bidding. But it was one harsh word after another, one threat after another. I got used to it, after a while. I just figured this was my lot in life, besides, was I really worth more than that? As you can see, in my mind I had already started to doubt my self worth. That was the beginning of my slow decline. Mentally, emotionally and even physically. Yes, I started to let myself "go" in a sense. I gained weight even. I had a distorted view of my body and my face, and had really low self esteem. I thought all men were the same. So, the abuse continued... I'm not saying that every moment was horrible, we had our moments. But the bad outweighed the good, by far. Then, he decided he wanted to open a store.The store was born. In my name of course. Because he was eluding the insurance company and couldn't put anything in HIS name!! What a freaking nightmare when I look back on it. Yes, it was fun at first. But the whole charade was exhausting! Physically and mentally!! His physical injuries weren't nearly as bad as he made them out to be. But boy could he fake it good for that $2500 a month he was getting! And who paid the price? ME. I had to do everything, when we were in the public eye that is. He acted the part of a helpless cripple while I was doing all of the lifting and lugging boxes and boards and whatever else his little heart desired. Oh, and the fights we had in that store! I remember him pulling out his gun, I remember his hands around my neck... I remember him telling me he was going to kill me more times than I can count in our relationship. I remember one time, this is where his OCD comes into play. He got this stupid picture at a garage sale, and my foot was near it. I moved my foot, but that wasn't good enough. I got defiant, as I tended to do later in our relationship. (I didnt know it then but that was me getting stronger). He threw a display at me and jumped across the counter and landed on me and put his hands around my neck. A fight ensued, consisting of him punching me in the head and me with my foot in his chest. I don't know what the people driving down Eureka road could have thought. I don't know why the police were never called. I look back and wonder why he never got taken to jail after someone had seen him pull his crap. Anyway...His $2500 ran out, and then It was a MIRACLE!! All of a sudden he could walk, run jump, do whatever!!! So, he gets into a fight one night at Mirage Bar, cuts some guy in the face, and not long after that, decides we should move to Tennessee. All the while dangling the idea of me singing and performing in front of me like a carrot. In reality, he just wanted to leave for a little while to let the dust settle. So Tennessee was a huge fiasco. We partied every night. I'm not saying some of it wasn't fun. It was. I did get to sing at lots of places, and I got a ton of stage experience. But the partying wasn't good for anyone. Him feeding me xanax to keep me sedated, and him snorting and selling vicodin wasnt helping anyone. But he knew that wasnt why we were down there. He opened up a store down there and it reminded me of flea market alley. It was such a joke. So of course it failed.When it failed, he decided we should move back. So we did. And we opened the store back up. I was so not into it anymore. I didnt really want any part of it!The fights continued... The very public fights. The grossness continued too. We caught a mouse in the store, and kept it. We caught another one and kept it. They mated. Before long we had hundreds of mice in an aquarium in the backroom. It was hard to breathe. It stunk so bad. But we couldn't get rid of them til HE said we could. We went to Cedar Point with my niece and my brother. Of course we had to ride in seperate cars. Because he likes to urinate in cups. He won't use public restrooms because "guys are nasty". Never mind that hes a guy. Theres that OCD again. Anyway, we're almost to the gate of Cedar Point and he tells me to pull over. I do as I'm told, like usual. He does his thing in a McDonalds cup, and for some ungodly reason, decides to dump it out MY door! I open my door like a good little girl, he dumps it and it gets on my leg. I throw a fit, who wouldn't? By that point, I had had it with his grossness. He stinks, he refused to use deodorant, because it wasnt' "natural", he didn't brush his teeth anymore.. His house? Forget it. I couldn't even walk through the door. The cat pee smell was overwhelming. I'm allergic to cats in the first place. But come on, change the litter! So disgusting. I remember one time we came up here from Tennessee and HAD to stay there. There were so many gnats flying around because of food containers and pee containers laying around, you would think you were outside. Don't ask me why he wouldn't use his own toilet. In his twisted mind he thought that it was cleaner that way? I don't know. Anyway, back to the pee cup spilling on my leg. I got mad. At that point I was so fed up, I couldn't stand it anymore. So I start to yell. He gets mad at ME. Doesnt say hey, I'm sorry for spilling PISS ON YOUR LEG. Nope. Somehow it turns into my fault, and I end up apologizing to HIM. He feeds me a xanax and we get to Cedar Point 2 hours late. Those are just a few of the fights we got into. If you can call them fights. The worst one was in Tennessee, and led me to where I am today. We were at the bar as usual. Some guy said something to me, and it made him jealous. By that time, I had started to get some self esteem back. I lost weight, started to dress sexier, and felt better about myself than I had in a while. He didn't like that. So we get into the car, and he asks me what was said. It really was nothing, so I told him so. He continues on to call me a whore and say I want to sleep with this guy. That made me furious. And I was already a little tipsy, and of course he had been feeding me xanax. He punches the side of my head. At this point, I was fed up and not going to take it anymore from a pussy ass mother fucker like him, who thinks he has the right to lay his hands on someone. I hit him back. We get into basically a punching match in the car. He never would hit my face, always my head. Of course, not to leave marks. So he finally pulls my hair and takes my head and bounces it off the window of the car about 5 times. That rattled my cage a little bit, and I think I must have blacked out. I don't remember much after that. I remember getting home, and I remember I had some Jack left in my purse and 2 xanax. I took it. I remember wanting not to be here anymore. I wondered how my life had turned out to be so not good. Then a picture of Larry flashed into my head. I don't know why or how, I hadn't spoken to him in about 5 years! I had hope for a minute that maybe this wasn't it. I remember waking up the next day with a headache and a new point of view. Not long after that was when we moved back to Michigan. I immediately started looking for Larry on the internet, thinking it was a sign from God that, essentially in my darkest hour, I saw only Larry's face. I found him. I wrote him a letter. I kept it for a few months. One day I decided to mail it. I drove to the post office and I mailed it. Continued next page>>>>>>>
|
|
