Surrendering
Chapter
20: Suspicious Manners
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February 3rd
Have you ever noticed that whenever someone says ‘I’ve never been better’ as answer to the question ‘How are you?’, it’s usually the complete opposite to that and a total lie?
Cecilia is acting strange. And not strange as in ‘depressed’ or ‘bitter’, strange as in ‘upbeat’ and ‘cheerful’. What’s happened to the girl who almost killed herself? Did she die?
She came back to the team, and she was changed completely. She was actually smiling, and it was really a while ago since I saw her smile. I’m going to find out more about this. Maybe I could use a tactic like those under-cover cops use when they stalk people? I’ve always wanted to be an enforcer of the law. And I don’t mean one of those enforcers that take care of cats in trees.
I think I lost my point...
During practice today, Coach Bombay told us that we were going to play another game on Saturday, so we had an extra practice on Friday. Our early practice on Thursday got cancelled because of that.
Cecilia missed out on practice because of her broken rib, but the rest of us had to work until we puked. Almost, anyway.
I noticed that Cecilia kept a huge distance to me. The weird thing was, she wasn’t keeping to herself anymore. I saw her talk to Adam yesterday after Math, and today she told me that she couldn’t talk to me because she was late for meeting with him. Not that I think something is going on between them, I’m just irritated that she talks to everyone else but me.
All week I’ve been thinking about those first couple of days after I realized what I really felt for her. I was a complete mess during that time, because I’d never felt like that about anyone before.
I hadn’t even met a girl that was like her before. I had no idea why I felt the way I did about her. I didn’t even realize that I felt something for her at all, until it was almost too late. Although Marcus and Erik had figured it out, way before me. I think the whole team knew before I did.
That’s why it got so confusing when I finally figured it all out. I really must be an idiot.
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My reason to start having conversations with her in the first place was mainly to get to know her better.
Before Canada, I’d never even bothered to ask her questions, because I didn’t know what to say, really.
Now, three weeks after our arrival to our new ‘home’, I began to appreciate my newfound friendship to her.
It was easy to talk to her. She listened in a way no one had ever listened to me before.
If I’d ever known how good of a friend she could be, I’d tried harder to connect with her when she first came to the team, back in Sweden.
Marcus and Erik had seen what was going on, and was now teasing me for it, but they never say anything to Cecilia. I’m not sure if I’m interested in her ‘like that’. Of course, I’ve never looked at a girl ‘like that’ before, and especially not like I look at Cecilia as I do now.
“Why don’t you just make a move, Fred? It’s pretty obvious that you like her.”
I looked up at Marcus, who was standing in front of me with an amused look on his face.
An annoying amused face.
“Look, it’s not what you think. We live together; I have to spend some time with her. I’m obligated to be her friend.”
Marcus shrugged and put his hands on my shoulders. I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t in the mood for having that talk. My relation to Cecilia is not anyone else’s business.
“Fred, you can’t deny that you have been spending an awful lot of time together. You can’t say that is time you force yourself to spend with her.”
I stood up, tired of the conversation. Okay, I might be a little into that girl, but it wasn’t that serious. Right?
“Well, she’s my friend. We live together. What other explanation do you want? I spend time with Travis too, but you don’t accuse me for that, do you?
Marcus laughed and shoved me out on the floor next to the table.
We were both trying our best to keep up with our home works, but since Marcus couldn’t leave me alone with the whole Cecilia-thing, neither of us had gotten close to finishing anything. I guess I was just using my homework as an excuse for being left alone. Marcus sure as hell didn’t get that.
“You go to see movies with her, you always walk her home from school. After every practice you skate up to her and talk. You’re not obligated to do any of those things. Admit that you like her now.”
I reached for my bag and went past Marcus towards the elevator. Marcus was right behind me, so I never slowed down. I didn’t want to answer the question.
“Besides, who knows what kind of things you two did up by the lake.”
I stopped abruptly and Marcus walked right into me. Books and bags flew over the floor, and the other students by the tables began to cheer and clap their hands.
I felt embarrassed by the whole thing, especially since Marcus now knew that something had happened up by the lake.
“Jeez, Fred, calm down, you don’t have to make such a fuss ‘bout it. Tell me what happened up by the lake, c’mon!”
“I don’t remember,” I said. That was partly true, because I’d been so drunk that I had only remember a few things after I’d sobered up. I did know some things, though.
I didn’t tell anyone. I tried my best to avoid Cecilia by any cost. But then I couldn’t keep up the act, because I didn’t want to hurt her. So what if they talk about us?
So what?
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