Surrendering
Chapter
21: Go Away
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February 4th
I don’t know how this day ended like it did, but one thing’s for sure; somewhere along the way I completely lost control over both the situation and over Cecilia.
Maybe I should tell it from the beginning, instead of from the end to the beginning. It makes for less confusion.
The day started off like usually. Breakfast, lessons, lunch, arguing with Cecilia, more lessons and Rainbow Café.
Breakfast; lots of junk food, not so much breakfast.
Lessons; not so much paying attention, lot’s of trouble with the blackboard.
Lunch; more junk food, lots of sandwiches.
Arguing with Cecilia; lots of screaming, very little points made.
More lessons; lots of homework, no interest whatsoever.
Rainbow Cafe; was where the interesting parts got started.
I sat down next to Connie in the booth, waiting for the rest to show up.
“Where’s Cecilia?” Connie asked.
“I dunno, I think she’s moping around in her room,” I muttered. I was still mad at Cecilia for our fight earlier. I don’t get it; we were perfectly fine until we got to L.A. Now we’re arguing all the time.
“I don’t get why you’re worried about her,” Connie replied. “She looks fine. She’s happier now then before the accident. Why is that so wrong?”
“If you knew her, you’d know,” I said.
“I think she’s nice, she’s not as... un-friendly as she was earlier. I happen to think she’s very fun to be around.”
She had to be kidding. Who considers a person like Cecilia as ‘fun to hang around’, unless they’re looking for a project for their course in psychology? Am I being cruel? Probably.
“Well, good for you. It’s nice to know that she’s being sane around some people,” I answered.
Connie shrugged and waved at me to move closer. “What?” I muttered. I wasn’t in the mood for any un-spoken rules.
“I need to say something,” she told me.
I sighed. It’s nice that people want to talk to me, but do they have to talk while I’m in a bad mood? I was actually quite flattered, because girls very rarely speak to me unless they’re forced to.
“So? Say it.”
“It’s personal,” Connie explained patiently.
This is one of the reasons why I so don’t understand girls.
“We’re the only ones here,” I said. “It can’t be that personal, right?”
Connie stared at me for a second. Then she tilted her head to the side and pouted. I began to laugh.
“You think that’ll work?” I asked her.
She shrugged, but continued with her pouting, until I gave up. That must be how she wraps Guy around her finger.
“Fine, what’s it about?” I rolled my eyes.
Connie leaned closer. “It’s about Cecilia.”
I was about to answer when Charlie showed up. I pushed Connie towards the window, and she yelped. I can’t help it; I’m a very rude human being.
“What’s going on?” Charlie asked us. “Is she driving you insane?”
Connie shook her head. “No...” she began, but I cut her off.
“Pretty much, yeah.”
Connie slapped my arm, but she was smiling. “I was not! I was just talking to him. It’s nice to have someone else to hang out with, besides from you guys.”
“Yeah, Connie grew tired of us back in fifth grade,” Charlie joked. “Right Con?”
Connie nodded enthusiastically. “That’s right! Those guys drove me crazy all the way from back in kinder garden. Did you and Cecilia go to kinder garden together?”
“Absolutely not,” I said. “I didn’t even know her until last year.”
“That must be why you don’t really know her,” Connie concluded.
I wanted to tell her to shut up, but I kept my mouth closed.
I’ve noticed that the team has been divided into small groups. That usually happens when a group with as many people as we are, gets together. It’s just strange that I ended up in the ‘popular’ one. I mean; the team-captain is a part of our group, the team’s best player, both of the co-captains and this nice girl Connie. Okay, so Nish is also part of the group, but I’ve decided to look past that.
“Hey, what’s happening?”
I turned around, just to find Cecilia standing next to the table. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. It’s impossible to not smile back when that girl is smiling.
“Nothing, I guess,” I answered with a confused voice. I’d been expecting her to be pissed off.
“Great, sounds fun,” she said and nudged my shoulder. “Move in.”
Connie gave me a meaning look while Cecilia was sitting down. She still wasn’t right; she doesn’t know Cecilia like I do. And I don’t know her at all.
Soon the rest of the ‘squad’ was gathered too. I wasn’t following their conversation; I was busy trying to figure out Cecilia. That takes at least a couple of hours.
“Where’s the rest of the team?” Connie asked. I looked at her. Did I care? No.
“I think it’s just going to be us,” Charlie said. “So far, anyway.”
“The first and second line, with or without a few players,” Travis pointed out.
“Not according to Cee,” Charlie laughed. “She thinks that first runner up is the same thing as winning.”
“No, I don’t!” Cecilia exclaimed.
She’s so strange. She never speaks up in front of other people. What’s going on?!
“Yes, you do,” Charlie continued.
“So, I guess we’re just the first line then, huh?” Travis said sarcastically.
He usually never speaks up either. Did everyone but me lose their minds during the Junior Goodwill Games? Have the world gone completely mad? It must’ve, otherwise today’s events never would’ve happened. But, I’m getting to them in a while. I hope.
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I’m killing the person that came up with calling us the First Line. It’s like a virus. It’s spreading from player to player. Even I am using that phrase, in lack of other things to call or little ‘gang’.
Since I didn’t follow the conversation at Rainbow, I couldn’t object to the others’ plans for later. They’d decided to go out and do something, since we don’t have practice tomorrow.
I really should start to pay attention.
I don’t have anything against going out to clubs all week long; I actually think I function best when I’m not so sober. It makes me forget most of my troubles. I do have something against Cecilia getting drunk though. I guess I was completely wrong when I thought that she didn’t drink at all. She proved me wrong a couple of weeks ago when I had to take care of her after she got extremely wasted. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen her drunk, or seen her drink alcohol at all.
“Look, don’t worry about me,” Cecilia told me. “I’ll be fine.”
“I know that you say that you’ll be fine. There’s a different between saying something, and actually being something,” I replied.
“If you don’t like that I drink, why’d you consider it okay last time we went out?”
“I don’t know...”
“Because you were too drunk to give a damn?” she growled. “You’ve been drunk twice as many times as me during these couple of weeks.”
She had a point. I really have been out drinking a lot since we got here. But it doesn’t affect me as bad as it affects her. I don’t get so drunk that I pass out, or so drunk that I get a horrible hangover the next day. I never drink so much that I throw up, and I always know what I’m doing. Well, most of the time.
“Because I was glad that you actually tagged along to the club. That you spent some time with someone else besides from yourself. And don’t look at me like I’m the worst guy in the world!” I shouted. I rarely shout, but I’ve been shouting at Cecilia a lot lately. I wish I knew how to not shout at her.
“Don’t yell at me!” she exploded. “You told me not to yell at you, so don’t yell at me!”
I had to bite my lip to keep myself from yelling even more. I always say stuff I don’t mean when I’m angry. It’s a defense mechanism after all the fights I’ve had with my Dad. I wish I could turn it off when I’m arguing with Cecilia.
“Why are you acting like this? You’re behaving strange. You yell at me, but you’re nice to everyone else. It’s like half of your personality left your body, while I’m struggling with the remaining parts. What’s happened to you?”
“I fell off a bridge!” she yelled. “And it knocked some conscious into me. And I’m not yelling at you exclusively, you’re just making me mad.”
“You fell off a bridge, you didn’t fall into a dark hole in other space. I want the other you back.”
“Maybe I’m not the person who you thought I was. You want me to change, just to make you happy? You want me to be someone I’m not?”
“You’re already putting on an act. The differences are that you believe that you’re yourself, even though you’re not. You’re already someone you’re not, so don’t go blaming me for wanting to change you back!” I shouted.
Cecilia got quiet after that. She just stared at me, and then she left in a hurry, before I had a chance to grab her. Damn it.
I went to the club with the others anyway, even though I’d just had a fight with Cecilia. That was the first mistake I made. I made several others too. I was kidding myself with the thought that I was only going so I could keep an eye on Cecilia.
I don’t know how many under-cover cops get drunk while stalking a person, but I guess I’m one of the few...
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