Surrendering
Chapter
19: Pick Another Target
(Un) Important babbling-notes from Cimmy: I think I forgot to say that the add-ons in chapter 16 and 17, and the flashback in chapter 10 are from ‘Searching and Chasing’, a story I lost when I had some ‘computer-trouble’ a few months ago. I found four chapters on a disc I thought I’d lost, so I re-wrote them and put them with this story instead.
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February 2nd
We played another game two days ago. It was up against some school from outside Los Angeles. I guess not many schools have hockey-teams here in California.
I can’t say that it was my best game ever; I had my mind occupied with other things.
Cecilia hasn’t been to school all week, but she’s supposed to show up today. She was told to stay in bed, and she didn’t leave her room all weekend. I wonder if she’s even worse now?
I woke up with a strange feeling going around in my body. What was going to happen now? Cecilia was back, but I still couldn’t feel relieved.
Sharing room with Charlie makes it hard to wake up early, because his snoring keeps me up long into the night. Maybe it’s not so bad; I’m just easily distracted right now. I haven’t had a roommate before, so I have to get used to living with someone other then myself. I don’t get why I got roomed with Charlie. Shouldn’t he have been put with someone from his old team? Not that I mind, he’s okay to have as a roommate.
I decided to walk over to Cecilia’s room to see if she wanted to keep me company down to breakfast. She lives in the hallway next to mine, on the other side of the stairwell. I’m glad that she doesn’t live in the girls’ dorm, on the other side of school.
Connie walked up to me when I met her on my way to Cecilia’s. “Are you seeing Cecilia?” she asked.
“Yeah, I was thinking about it,” I answered. I like Connie; she seems like a nice girl. Calm and un-weird. Not my type, obviously.
“Tell her I asked about her,” she said. “Say that we all miss her. And that she have to come down to breakfast. No, wait, say that I’ll come by later. Maybe you can say that?”
“Maybe you should go and tell her yourself, because I think I stopped listening after your first request. And I’ve already forgot what that was, so...”
Connie nodded. “Okay, but...”
“I was kidding,” I laughed. “I’ll tell her that you asked about her. Among other things you said.”
Connie hurried away, and I rolled my eyes after her. Girls really are strange.
“Cecilia, are you up?” I asked, while knocking on her door.
“No!” she shouted. I smiled. If she had the strength enough to yell at me, she couldn’t be feeling too bad.
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I couldn’t concentrate during our English lesson. I don’t do very well in school, so I don’t bother about doing my homework too much. I mean, I do my homework, but I don’t spend a lot of time getting it right. What’s the point, when I know I’m only going to get a low grade anyway, no matter how much effort I put into it?
My Dad always told me that I wasn’t going to be anything, if I don’t make a better effort to things. When I was younger I tried to do my best, but when my Dad kept telling me I wasn’t good enough anyway, I decided to not give a damn anymore.
Nowadays I only do things that are the opposite of what my father wants me to do. He thinks I’m being a brat, I think it’s called ‘progress’.
I never take notes during lessons, I never pay attention to what I don’t get at once, and I very rarely listen to the instructions I get. I don’t know why I attend school at all, because I never learn anything. Maybe because I never understand anything, it must be because I’m too stupid. At least that’s what my Dad keeps telling me.
“Did you get that part?” Nish hissed quietly. “Did you understand anything about that?”
“No,” I answered. “Are they talking about some kind of author, or what?”
“Hush,” Sarah muttered from the seat beside me. “It’s about a poem, so be quiet.”
“Because otherwise you’ll get what it’s about?” Nish mocked.
Sarah is a bright girl, so she probably already knew what the poem was about. I didn’t even know that it was a poem this lesson revolved around. I wish Cecilia could be in this class, so I could send her notes and bug her a bit. Cecilia is smart, so she doesn’t have to pay attention to the lessons to get what it’s about. And she’s kind enough to explain it for me later, so great!
“Hey, Trav,” Nish whispered. “What’s it about?”
Travis turned around and gave Nish an annoyed stare. “Pay attention, Nish.”
“I was!” Nish replied. “It’s just so boring! Fred thinks so too!”
I couldn’t say that he was completely wrong, and I think Travis knew that.
Nish is a very annoying type of person. Usually I try to ignore that, but sometimes I just can’t stand him. We’re not the best of friends. Especially not when he goes after Cecilia like he often does. That makes it hard for me to like him.
“Could you please shut up,” Sarah ordered. “I’m trying to listen.”
Nish gave her a threatening gaze, but he got quiet. I just stared at the blackboard, trying to figure out what our teacher had been writing. I saw the letters clearly, I just couldn’t get the sentences together to make... well, sense. Why do I have to be so slow? I really must be stupid, if I can’t even understand a simple sentence.
Later on when class finally ended, I hurried out as fast as possible. Nish followed me, while talking loudly with Sarah. I think he was going on about borrowing her notes. I couldn’t care less; I hadn’t heard anything about any up-coming test.
Fine, I get why I got placed in another English-class then Cecilia. She’s in the ‘smart’ group, and I’m in the ‘not so smart’ group. She’s placed with the older ones, while I’m in the toddlers’ cradle. Okay, maybe it’s not exactly like that, but it feels like that. Although, if that were the case, instead of sharing air with the ‘lost cases’, Sarah would’ve been placed in the smart group too.
Am I exaggerating? Probably. Man, my girlfriend has influenced me.
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Author’s Note: Congratulate me; I’ve realized that I don’t have to write seven pages for every chapter. I’m glad I finally realized that...
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