Surrendering
Chapter
18: What’s the Name of the Game?
(Un) Important babbling-notes from Cimmy: I’m raising a mutiny against myself, because I’m tired of writing from Cecilia’s point of view. I’m changing to Fred instead. He’s not as mentally disturbed as she is.
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Prologue
I remember the first time I was alone with Cecilia after we got to Canada. Okay, not all of it, I’d been pretty drunk, but a whole lot. I know that she only told me those stuff because I was drunk, and she was counting on me to forget it the next morning, but I still remember some stuff. I haven’t told her that I know that, she’d probably freak out. She’s actually kind of weird when I think about it...
Besides from being weird, I think she deals with a lot of trouble. She never talks about them, but there’s something about her that makes me think she’s been through a lot.
Three days ago, I pulled her out of the water, after she fell off a bridge. She’s been acting strange ever since we got here. I want to help her, but she keeps pushing me away. She told me that she wasn’t going to jump, but I don’t know if I trust her on that point. She lied to me about being ready for sex. When I think about it, she always tells me lies to get out of conversations.
Everything I thought I knew about her was wrong. I had no idea that she’d been addicted to drugs. I didn’t know that a guy had abused her, while she lived in New York. Actually, I didn’t even know that she used to live in New York when she was younger. I know so little about her, but I want to know more.
Drugs and assault, living on the street and shoplifting. Could I know less about her?
I won’t say that I have a problem with it, because it’s not that bad. When you think about it, it’s really kind of innocent, compared to what she could have done. I mean; she’s not some criminal that goes around doing criminal stuff. Although that drug thing might be a little criminal if she ever wants to be the President or something.
I’m upset by the whole drug-thing. But she told me that it wasn’t serious. Painkillers and such. I still think I should keep an eye on her. I managed to get some information out of her when she was at the hospital. She was upset and kept talking, telling me about all this stuff I now know about.
She came back yesterday, back to school. Now she’s shutting me out again, she refuses to talk to me. I want to know more about her, but she doesn’t want to tell me. I’ve told her a lot of things about myself. I guess I’m the one who knows most about her, but I still wish she could tell me more.
She’s playing some sort of game with me. I only wish I knew the rules. She should give me some sort of instruction manual to the rules, because I have a feeling that there are a whole bunch of them. I need to know the name of the game, so I can play along.
So I maybe can get her back to earth again. Because I’m beginning to miss her.
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