I moved back to the house with Peter. The day after I came "home" again it started. He was yelling and screaming at me because we were now very behind with the bills. We didn't have any money. He wanted me to use the inheritance for paying the bills and for food and booze. I used every single penny I got after my parents just to keep us afloat.

He started a systematic abuse. All he did had the purpose to make me feel like I was worth nothing. Nothing I did was right, he treated me worse than the dog.

He kicked me, pinched me, pushed me, verbally abused me, called me names, hit me, pulled my hair, spit on me, and a lot of other things that I can not even mention. Almost every day was ended with a rape. To him it didn't matter that I cried and screamed. Whatever he wanted to try out on me he did. If I cried too loudly he would put his hands over my mouth to make me quiet. Then he would whisper, don't scream, you know you like it.

I felt so dirty, ugly and degraded. I wasn't worth anything.

He used to choke me sometimes. He would put both hands around my throat and squeeze as hard as he could until I passed out. When I regained consciousness he would stand over me and spit on me and laugh. Sometimes he would hold my head between his hands and squeeze until I could hear my skull starting to crack almost. I thought I would die, the pain was very bad.

I had to discontinue the use of my brith-control pills due to the fact that my blood pressure was to high. He didn't care. I became pregnant pretty quick. When he found out that I was pregnant all he said was: we'll have to talk about that.

But the weeks went by and he didn't want to discuss what to to with the pregnancy. I started thinking that maybe everything will get better if we have a child....maybe he will change to the better.

But when I was 18 weeks pregnant he came home one day and had decided that the child wasn't his. He said that I had probably been unfaithful and started a fight. He hit me so badly that I lost the baby. On top of it all I didn't get to the hospital for two days because he refused to drive me and he wouldn't let me use the phone.

When I finally got to the hospital they took the remains of the baby out and did a D&C. I also had to have antibiotics since I had an infection. He didn't care about that. He forced me to have sex with him the very same day I came home from the hospital. The pain was unbelievable. But when I cried and tried to fight him off he raped me anally instead until I bled.