The Part of Me I Never Had 23

2 months had gone by, and everything was mildly the same. Except the amount of time that the guys had. JC had grown uncomfortably distant. His time was consumed by interviews and TV appearances, work, sleep, and meetings. His kisses were empty, and our time together was not so memorable. He was getting very stressed and trying to concentrate on his work.
�Why am I staying?� I often asked myself. I didn�t know. Maybe it was my love for JC. Maybe it was my friendship with Justin.
Unlike JC, Justin and I remained close. He was there when I felt alone and he made me feel better. We still did things together, unlike JC, who was a total workaholic. So I guess that�s why I stayed.
That�s what I was thinking when I was watching JC, bent over his some papers, obviously frustrated.
�I�m goin� to talk to him. He�s gotta know what I�m feeling.�
�JC?� I called out softly.
�Not now Jessie. Maybe later, I�m busy,� he said.
�JC? It�s important,� I said, my eyes watering from frustration.
�I said I�m busy. Can�t it wait?� he asked wearily.
�Fine. If he wants to work rather than just talk to me, he�ll get what he gets�
I unclasped the bracelet that he have me 2 months ago and held it in my hand, thinking of the words he said the night he gave it to me�
�It�s to symbolize my love for you. I promise you that my love will not stray from you, and you�re the best thing that has happened to me since *N Sync. I love everything about you, your personality, your beauty, your voice. And it means I�ll love you forever��
It just didn�t mean the same thing anymore.
I knew what I was gonna do.
Slowly, I walked up to JC. I grabbed his free hand.
�Jessie, I said-�
He stopped right when I put the bracelet in his hand.
His expression of frustration melted to sadness and confusion.
�What are you doing?�
�JC, I don�t deserve to wear that bracelet. Not if I don�t feel the love you felt for me the day you gave it to me. JC, you said your love wouldn�t stray from me, but it did. All you ever do is work! You can�t even take some of your time to tell me you love me. Do you know who has been there for me all this time?� I asked. Not even giving him a chance to answer, I continued, �Justin. He was always there to make me feel better when I was down. He was there for me when I felt alone. He comforted me JC. Why couldn�t you have done that?� I asked softly.
He just stared. �If you understood�� He still held the bracelet in his left hand. His expression was unreadable. But I could see one thing-and that was sadness. �Jessie, you know how busy we are now, and I have a lot of extra work. I promise that we�ll spend a lot more time together.�
�JC, I can�t feel like a second place trophy. I can�t feel like a runner-up to your work. It just doesn�t feel fair to me. You have no idea how much I love you JC. I care more about you than you�ll ever know. For that, I�ll stay, but I can�t wear that bracelet if it doesn�t mean the same thing it did 2 months ago,� I replied sadly. Tears were threatening to fall, but I suppressed them.
He looked heartbroken, crushed, crestfallen. His eyes were clouded in gloom, misery, despair, grief, and heartache.
�Jessie�please don�t leave me�you mean everything to me�I love you�� he said feebly.
At those words my heart seemed to pull, but I recovered myself. �I�m sorry JC, but I can�t. But I�m not leaving. And I�m not sure if I mean possibly everything to you.� My throat closed up. �Your work is obviously still standing in my way to your heart. You know I love you, but it just doesn�t seem like you feel the same way.�
I turned and left. I heard the soft bump that signaled that JC dropped down to his knees.
I retreated to my bunk, letting my tears flow freely. I looked at a picture of JC and me together. We were smiling and held each other. �Why did this have to happen? To me? I finally found somebody and he slips out of my grasp. Because of work� I thought disgustedly.
�JJ?� came Justin�s voice.
�I�m here Justy,� I replied, my voice breaking. I tried to dry my eyes.
�I heard what you said,� he said as I sat up next to him.
�Well, it�s true. How can you find time to comfort me and be there for me, when JC can�t?� I asked angrily.
�It�s not completely true. I know he should find time for you, but that doesn�t mean he doesn�t love you,� he said, putting his arm around me.
�Oh, really?� I said bitterly. �He has a good way of showing it.�
�He wants to have more time for you, but he has to get his work done. You know it�s his dream.� He kissed the top of my head.
The tears started up again as I said, �But couldn�t he just spare a couple seconds to tell me he loves me?�
�I know. He could. I guess he just took the feeling of words for granted.�
�I can understand about his work, but why does he have to treat me like dirt?� I started sobbing uncontrollably into Justin�s shoulder.
He didn�t say anything this time. He just rubbed my back and stroking my hair, which did very little for me.
Before I knew it, I had cried myself to sleep. A nightmare and sadness filled sleep.