Next day, kids played, their father came and got them. Karla, Nathan and I went to Walmart for some outdoor toys for him to keep there, and then to lunch. Then X2. Thought Karla had seen the first one. Oops. Well, she can watch it sometime soon.
She had to work that night. Nathan and I played basketball, frisbee, video games. I got Karla a bottle of champagne and a card for Mother's Day. Cleaned her kitchen and laundry room, too. Just wanted to do something special for her on Mother's Day.
She came home from work feeling ill, and went to bed. We played games awhile longer, then went to bed too. Woke the next morning early as Nathan had to go back to Ripon. Said goodbye and were on our way.
The drive was cool. We talked about life and the future, and where things are at. I love my son, and its moments like that that are truly beautiful.
Got home expecting to go to a buffet. Instead sat around waiting. Had steak and potatoes eventually. Well done steak with non-alcoholic wine. How special.
Thought for a moment about how well Karla and I got along, and how many shared interests we have. How good things could be if I could get past my fears, and she hers. I'd worked on it a lot, and was in a different place . . . .
Well, that's when she wrote. And the nightmare came true. She broke it off again. Said that it was all her, and I believe it. What I don't understand is how she can't be willing to work on it. She says that she wants it to work, but doesn't seem to want to try. I don't know. I think there are deeper things at work too. No, not another guy. Nothing like that. Just past baggage creeping up now that's she's in a house, and working more hours and paying all those bills and taking care of the kids. It's a big load for anyone, and it's a lot of pressure. I had hoped to move there to help lift that load.
I read a quote last night--be the flame, never get burned. Can it all be fear of being hurt? Because it seems to me that the flame is already burning.
C
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