I had no clue of whether I should go and see that woman or not. I overheard from the nurses that she was lucky because Mike literally sacrificed himself to protect her in the car clash. She was in a coma, if it was not Mike, she would be thrown out of the car and dead right on the highway.
I got up and took the very last look at Mike. I was mad at him for protecting another woman and not me. I even wish that I was in the car clash to replace her, or Mike, by then I would be dead and I would be the one who is free from this messed-up marriage. I had no idea why he has to go for another woman and a surge of self-blame arouse in me. Perhaps I didn't care enough about him, perhaps I was overly uninterested in his work, or perhaps I didn't spend enough time to make myself look attractive to him. Perhaps that woman has everything that I don't have. But what about Valerie? Mike once said that Valerie is the most beautiful creature on earth and he loved his little daughter to pieces, why would he be heartless enough to leave her for another woman?
I could not bear to look at Mike anymore. I collected myself and walked out of the mortuary, knowing that I would never ever see him again. I walked and walked and walked without an aim of where I was going, the only thing I know, was to walk away from Mike, walk away from this man who has broken my heart. And at the moment I stopped in front of the ward, I saw her, lying still like she was fast asleep.
She was still that delicate long-hair girl whom I have seen three weeks ago. And lying in the hospital with all the tubes attached just made her more vulnerable and everyone who sees her would want to stroke her long hair and murmur to her ears that everything is gonna be alright.
I caught her cuddling up to Mike in the car just streets away from our house three weeks ago. I ran as fast as I could after seeing the scene, all the way back to the house, suppressed my tears and pretended that nothing had happened. Perhaps it was not Mike, perhaps it was not his car, perhaps they would break up in a month. I told myself, "just, just don't say a thing about it when Mike came back". And I was surprised that I was a pretty good actress, I stayed normal and silent for weeks and suddenly Mike was dead. I thought to myself, is his death a release to me somehow?
I stood there and stared through the glass. She had no idea that I was just a glass away. I did not know whether she knew that I exist, did Mike tell her about me? Or was he pretending to be an eligible bachelor who has a career and a car?
Losing myself in thoughts, suddenly I felt someone touched my shoulder and asked, "Hello, are you Mrs. Lee?"
I turned and a female surgeon stood before me and smiled sympathetically. I returned her a faint smile and said, "Yes that's me."
"W've just found out that Mr. Lee's a donor." The surgeon said and looked at me with the same smile.
"Yea I know that, we signed those forms together, so..." I kept looking down to the ground.
We were silent for a few seconds
"We're sorry that you've lost him"
I looked up and down again. I had no idea of how I should respond to this. I should have prepared a sample answer to this. Do I say "Thank you" or do I say "I'm sorry too"? I have absolutely no idea. But I know, I'm a widow from now on and I would be hearing this line again and again in the coming months.
"We'd be grateful if we can have Mr. Lee's cornea for transplant to restore a blind patient's vision. We'd like to ask for your permission."
"Sure, Mike would be happy to know that he could help."
"Thank you so much, Mrs. Lee, thank you."
I tried my very best to squeeze another smile to reassure her that Mike's cornea would be available for the transplant. We shook hands and she left. I was alone again. My attention turned to the girl again, the long-hair girl, the girl whom Mike had sacrificed for.
Should I get in and talk to her? It would be easy coz she would not respond. There would be no revelation of how and when they met. There would be no confrontation between the wife and the mistress. Just a sad teary widow talking to the sleeping beauty.
I touched the glass and looked at the girl in coma. Why should I bother? Mike's dead and she's in coma. What's the use of talking to her? I would not get any details of how Mike has betrayed me.
I turned away from the ward and made my way out of the hospital. I should be figuring out how I can tell Valerie about the whole thing instead of fussing over the dead man's secret girlfriend.