Christopher James Smith
July 11,1978~Sept. 13,1998
Chris is loved and missed by
Mother Melody Tucker, Stepfather Cliff Tucker, Father Bryan Mark Smith
Brothers, Jared Kane Smith, Justin Michael Tucker and Mason Smith
many Aunts, Uncles and cousins
FOREVER IN MY HEART
A million times I've needed you,
A million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place,
No one can ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
A part of me went with you,
The day GOD called you home.
Your precious memory is my keepsake,
With which I'll never part.
GOD has you safely in HIS keeping,
But I have you forever in my heart.
Author Unknown
Chris was my first-born child. I was only 18; he was my freedom child. I wanted so very much to be the best mom but of course I made mistakes. Chris had the most beautiful blue eyes! He was the light in my life. Motherhood came suddenly and I began to grow up quickly. Chris was three when his baby brother Jared was born, his reaction was so cute, he wanted me to take him back to the hospital!
When Chris was almost five, he had to deal with the divorce of his parents. It was so hard for him. I don�t believe he ever came to grips with that. He wanted us to remain together.
My new husband and I added another little brother and Chris� father remarried and had a son too. So, Chris has three brothers. The extended family situation caused Chris to face many challenges. Yet I believe those hurdles enabled him to mature quickly and gain wisdom for his young age, by the time he went home to be with the Lord.
Chris had a silly side as well. One day, the summer before he died, I was dancing and singing �You Are My Sunshine� trying to get the other two boys to sing along; Chris was the only one that did. We laughed and had so much fun. He was always coming up behind me and hugging me and telling me he loved me! Always saying I wish I would find someone like you. He would tell me how great that I looked and say, �If you weren�t my mom, I date you!� That still makes me smile when I think about it.
He never left without saying he loved me. Now his deep voice saying, �I love you�, will ring in my head forever!
I remember holding Chris� head in my lap once, before he met Adrienne, when he was in tears about a girlfriend. I�d told him he would know when the right one came along.
Chris had met a young lady and he shared with me, �Mom, she�s the one�! But, unfortunately, she didn�t know how he felt until after he was gone.
I ache at the realization that I�ll never see him get married and have children. With God�s help, I�m dealing with my grief and know one day I�ll see him again.
Chris enjoyed a challenge if he was told it wasn�t possible he�d show different! Chris was very sports oriented; not a jock but he loved sports and the outdoors. He was in training to wrestle in an inter-state league. He seemed to always like the contact sports.
He loved to have fun and always combined fun with work and vice versa. That�s one of the lessons I learned from him. I now take the time to enjoy the flowers I tend. I�m also learning to slow down and enjoy the moment and allowing myself the time to remember and savor those precious memories. It�s been four long years since I�ve seen his extraordinary baby blue eyes or felt his touch. I miss my son so much. His memory is with me always.
Chris was a very loyal friend and he loved people. Age didn�t matter. Chris enjoyed everyone he met. He had a huge heart and a charming way. He took people at face value and enjoyed them for who they were. I�ve learned from that, too! I�m amazed at the lessons I�ve learned from my sons.
Chris worked at a grocery store and several of his co-workers told me they noticed how much he enjoyed children. If he saw a child in a wheel chair, he�d make a special effort of giving him candy.
In February of 1998, while Chris was living in New York with his grandfather, my mom got sick and we almost lost her. My sister and I went to New York to be near her. Chris took care of me, held me and let me cry. It was a very difficult situation and my son, though only nineteen at the time, easily became the strength for us all. He came to the hospital and brought me food and even coffee. Then, after Mom recovered, as I was getting ready to go back to North Carolina he asked if he could go back with me. In retrospect, I see that the Lord gave me several cherished months with my son. I�ll always savor every precious moment of that time. Of course, I had no way to know that seven months later, two months after his twentieth birthday, he would be murdered.
That day he�d been shopping for items for an apartment he planned to move into soon. He brought his purchases for me to see and we talked about how I could help him decorate, as long as I didn�t make it girly-looking! We drank coffee and had a very special time together that last day that he had on earth. I�m so very thankful that I have that memory!
I can still see him driving off in that blue Firebird. The image is so vivid and I still hear that loud rumbling engine, just as I did that day long after he�d driven out of sight. Then only a few short hours later he was gone.
He went to my sister�s house that evening. She was planning to move, so it was an impromptu going-away party. Actually, Chris didn�t want to be there, but he felt obligated to go, and his friend, Matt, of 11 years, went with him. They both loved my sister.
Jon, my sister�s boyfriend, had a very bad temper. (I remember Chris saying that he felt his aunt could do better.) There was some drinking that night, and then a heated argument. Somehow the situation got out of hand and three people ended up dead. Jon shot both boys and then turned the gun on himself. He shot Matt first, one shot to the head. He shot Chris four times. My sister witnessed the entire grizzly incident.
The horror of every moment of that night is burned in my memory forever. My sister called me crying hysterically; she made little sense. My husband and I rushed to her apartment. For the next six hours we sat in my sister�s apartment, paralyzed, while the police investigation took place. Chris� body was still lying outside on the ground where he�d fallen. Matt was taken to the hospital and died 15 hours later.
Quick to anger, always wanting to be right and in control, add alcohol and pride; a walking time bomb. This time those factors resulted in murder! Jon took two innocent lives with him. I never thought that he was actually capable of murder. Has mad turned into madness, the UGLY inside hide deep inside his heart came out; and killed.
There were so many things I immediately had to think about. Chris� father and brother were living in New York. They needed to be told of this nightmare. But, first we had to go home and tell our youngest son, who was only fourteen, and another sister; who was living with us.
I picked up the phone to try to call Chris� father, Bryan, but he wasn�t home. I felt I couldn�t tell anyone else in New York until his father knew. The story was already being aired on the radio, and I had no idea if it might already have hit the news in New York. It was also on the internet. Then it was on television on the six o�clock news and the story made the headlines in New York�s local papers, referring to Chris as a former resident. Chris� picture was on the front-page. They didn�t have complete information, yet they filled in the blanks with false information that sounded like they had done their research! If they were this wrong with my son�s story, how many other articles are made up?
We had talked to my son Jared and he knew something was wrong but I couldn�t tell him anything until his dad knew. Hours later we finally were able to contact Bryan. I thought I was going to lose it; I just couldn�t believe that this was happening! It was like a bad, B-rated movie and I was in it. Phone calls had to be made; I don�t know how we would have gotten through it all, without the Lord carrying me. Thankfully, we also had thoughtful, compassionate friends that came over to be with us.
Chris� father wanted him to be buried in New York and I was just too traumatized and drained to argue about it. We had to make all the other arrangements. No one is ever prepared. It�s not natural to bury your child! What will be the last thing they wear? This will be the last time I will see him here on this earth. I had a lot of �Why�s?� pecking at my brain. This type of horrible nightmare couldn�t really be happening to me! Now, I feel that this should never happen to anyone, not just me, but anyone!
It�s almost impossible to describe the torment of that surreal week that followed. The shooting was at 1:30 on Sunday morning. Because it was a murder, I had to wait until the investigation was finished before I could arrange the funeral. Chris� funeral was on Tuesday in North Carolina. Then, on Wednesday afternoon I went to Jon�s service (it was very difficult but I had to be there for my sister). Wednesday evening I was at Matt�s service. Then we had to go home and pack to leave for New York to do it all over again. Calling hours were Thursday and Friday was the funeral service. Then we were back on the road. At that point, I wasn�t sure I wanted to go on! I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare! Everyone else�s life seemed to go just back to normal. Normal what does that mean? I�m not sure if I can even define normal since Chris� death. I shut down completely for nine months, but God was able to pull me back up through His Grace. I miss Chris enormously.
Now, I�m compelled to try to help others and believe this is helping me to keep his memory alive, as well. When I would learn that a young person had passed away, I would send little note cards to the families, just to let them know that there are people out there who truly do understand, and they don�t have to (and shouldn�t) go through this alone.
Just this past month (October of 2002), with the help of two other mothers, I�ve begun to establish a group for parents who�ve suffered the loss of a child.
 
Web site created by Memorials By Judi
Midi selection: My Heart Will Go On
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