| Carnivorous Tree Octopi rank very low on the meter of survival chances when seen. Fortunately, they are also low on the meter of chances of seeing. However, if you do chance upon one, and you aren't dead yet, here's what you should do. Note: These steps have not been tested. |
| If the octopus sees you, your only hope is to flee, very, very quickly, and to cross a barrier that an octopus cannot, such as a thirty-foot crevasse in the ground or an iris-scanning steel door system. Once this is done, however, do not cease your escape effort, because octopi can devise clever ways to pass the barriers you considered "octopus-proof". Your final task would be to, from your newfound safe haven, capture photos and ship them directly to this website. If you have already taken photos by this time, you need not rest; there is no limit to the amount of photos needed by adventurers like myself. |
| At all times, you should have a camera, and upon an encounter with an octopus, even in your are unsure as to whether or not it is a carnivorous tree octopus, you should take photos. If the area is dark, use a flash. Don't worry, the octopus won't mind. Next, you must concoct a plan of preserving the camera. Perhaps you can flee and deposit it at someone's house. At the very least, attach it to a piece of wood and set it adrift in a river. Do not keep it on you, as there is a fair chance you will be consumed. Once you are entirely, one-hundred percent sure your photos will find their way to being displayed on this site, you may consider the topic of your own survival. |
| If the octopus does not see you, you have established an opportunity for fabulous photo taking! Do not be afraid to get as close as you can to the octopus; close-up photos are appreciated. Shimmeying around the octopus in order to capture snapshots from all angles is highly recommended. Continue taking photos until the octopus notices you. Then, follow the instructions in the column to the left, entitled "If the octopus sees you." |
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