Rather, we would be adopting a more traditionally Mediterranean conception of it. When an outburst comes - and in one sense or another, one will come, whether we are honest enough to acknowledge it as such or not - the question is not whether it happened, but how. Did the person spontaneously yield to mounting frustration, after restraining himself, the anger pulling him away from calm, as he makes the effort to pull himself back? Or, does it seem, that instead of trying to restrain his anger, he attempted to enhance its expression, and use it as a rhetorical tool, as he tries to "win through intimidation". Has he lost his temper as a matter of human frailty, or through design?
The former, we would accept, both as a matter of tradition, and of carefully considered good sense. It serves a valuable purpose, in that it allows a safety valve, for the release of certain pressures that inevitably develop in the course of the development of human relationships. In the manner that works so well for us, even if it should frighten outsiders a little, we might let the volume rise, until the anger uses itself up, and the level of heat reaches so high into the comically absurd, that even we can no longer take it seriously. Better this, than to allow anger to fester.
When tempers have exhausted themselves, and been allowed to cool, we would then find ourselves able to apologise to each other, and sincerely be able to accept the apologies. We apologise, in such a case, not out of regret for having accepted the reality of our own human limitations. This should be no cause for shame. As Mohammed once said, "Do not worry too much about small sins. Did you think that your creator did not know you when he made you?". One does not apologise, out of shame for a fundamental nature, which one is born with, merely by benefit of being human. To do so, is to poison our experience of each other, yet again. Rather, we do so out of sympathy for the stress that our anger brought the other, as an expression of our concern for that person's feelings, and a reaffirmation of our friendship.
But in order to be able to get there, we have to make sure that we aren't generating more anger than we're dissipating, in the course of a confrontation. Our anger may be an eruption of sorts, but it should not be an uncontrolled explosion. To that end, certain understandings are necessary.
- Nothing physical
- No cheap shots
- Limit your level of heat to what you know your current adversary is prepared to handle at the moment
- Don't bring in ad hominem attacks. No irrelevant side issues, until the current issue has been dealt with
Options ...