Nick was all but completely ignoring me when he came into the makeup room, now. He�d acknowledge me when he had to but otherwise kept his distance. This was probably best for the both of us. His �player� days had died down considerably but the memory remained. My feelings for him didn�t go away either if anything they intensified. This only served to anger me more.
�Wow, no elevator buddy this time?� I asked bitingly. It was mid-morning and I was coming back from breakfast. By the flushed, sweaty appearance of Nick�s face and the clothes he was wearing, he was coming from the gym.
�I�m in the market,� he said smiling at me sheepishly. I just rolled my eyes. The elevator arrived and we got on with three other people, a family, comprised of mom, dad and daughter who looked like she was about eleven or twelve years old. Nick had the hood of his hoodie pulled over his head which he kept down so no one noticed him.
The family got off at the fifth floor, leaving Nick and I alone. As the elevator continued it�s slow climb the uncomfortable silence that stretched between us was killing me.
�So how have you been? I hear you�ve been. . . . . keeping busy,� I said trying my best to be subtle. I was casually leaning against one wall near the buttons. He stood in the back against the wall.
�I know what you�ve heard,� he said from under the hood
�Ok. . . . . I didn�t just hear it, I witnessed it. So are you acknowledging it or denying it?�
�A little bit of both. I haven�t slept with every girl. I do have my standards,� he replied.
�How very commendable of you. The other Boys can�t possibly approve of this, especially Kevin.�
�Oh please. Kevin ain�t my father and neither are the other guys. What are you going to do, Alexis, tell on me?�
�No, of course not.�
�Then why does it matter to you what or who I do?�
�It doesn�t.�
�I think it does.�
�I don�t care what you think, I said it doesn�t. I just hope you�re using protection otherwise the next girl who says she�s carrying your kid might not be lying. Either that or you�ll catch something.�
�No need to worry. I played president and intern with most of them,� he said bitingly.
�President and intern? What�s- oh. . . eeww. . . . that�s disgusting. Why are you telling me this?� I asked bitterly trying to keep a reign on my anger.
�You asked,� he shrugged.
�No. No I didn�t. I asked-�
��I heard you�ve been keeping busy.�, �I just hope you�re using protection.�,� he interrupted mimicking me. Then, �What the hell was that supposed to mean? You and I both know you weren�t talking about what I�ve been doing but who. You may not have come right out and asked but. . . . saying shit like that, you might as well have.�
�Ok fine. . . I don�t want to know! I don�t care! Fuck whoever you want!� I threw over my shoulder.
�That�s total bullshit and we both know it,� he said coming forward to stand right in front of me. �You care more than you need to and so do I. . . . about you.�
�No, not anymore! Do whoever and whatever you want!� I said fixing him with an icy glare.
�You don�t mean that. I bet I know what you�re thinking right now.�
�Whatever,� I said.
�You�re wondering what did I do with the brunette you saw me with at the elevators that night. Plus you�re angry with me and right now you want me to move.�
Damn, I thought. Got damn.
�You mean Julianne,� I said mimicking her voice.
�You remembered her name?�
�You didn�t? You probably did sleep with her.�
�I didn�t,� he replied.
�What? I don�t believe you.�
�I�m telling the honest truth, Scouts honor,� he said holding up his left hand.
�You were never a scout and I think that�s the wrong hand.�
�Whatever, I didn�t sleep with her is my point.�
�Why not? She was hot. . . . . if you�re into circus clowns,� I replied.
�I couldn�t do it. I had someone else on my mind that wouldn�t go away,� he said. My eyes slammed to his, where they locked and held.
�Who was that?� I asked slowly.
�Take a wild guess,� he said taking a step closer. He was crowding me. I wasn�t going to respond. �Who do you think?�
I looked down and took a calming breath before looking up into his warm gaze.
�Me?� I squeaked. A slow smile spread across his face. He reached out with his thumb and caressed my cheek. I brushed his hand away. �Oh whatever you probably passed out on the girl.�
�I wasn�t drunk.�
�Right, like I�m going to believe that. Nick, I saw you. You could barely speak much less stand. . . . or anything else for that matter.�
�Ok, I was a little drunk but not so bad that I passed out or anything like that. I didn�t sleep with her and it was because of you. I still like you Alexis,� he said before claiming my lips with his. It was a quick kiss meant to just wet the appetite for more. He pulled away slowly saying, �I don�t think I�m going to stop.�
�What if I want you to?� I asked slowly still shocked and dazed by the kiss. My voice sounded odd to my own ears. It was lower and husky, almost whisper soft. Get yourself under control, girl, I thought.
�But you don�t want me to stop, do you?� he asked. He was stroking my cheek, again.
�I do if you keep screwing around. Look Nick, as flattering as what you said was� I have to ask myself why didn�t the thought of me stop you before? I don�t expect to be on your mind all the time but if that�s your excuse why didn�t it work before?�
�I was angry with you, I was angry with Jessica. I was basically just angry with women in general. The one I hated double crossed me and the one I wanted didn�t want me. I thought, �I�ll show them! No one can resist me!� In a way I was right but at the same time I was wrong. When I was with those girls they weren�t with me, Nick. They were with �a Backstreet Boy�. When they left me they went home and said something like, �I was with a Backstreet Boy!� or �I fucked a Backstreet Boy!�. I want someone to say, �I was with this cool guy and his name is Nick.� Just Nick.�
�Oh,� I said quietly. �Nick that was so well put.�
�Not too bad for the blonde one, huh?� he asked.
�No not bad at all,� I muttered. I could feel my anger ebbing away. It wasn�t gone completely but it was receding.
The elevator reached my floor and the doors began to slide slowly open but Nick wasn�t moving. Instead, he reached down and hit the �CLOSE� button and held it until the doors reversed their direction. I could hear someone running up the hall saying, �Hold that elevator!�
�That was very nice of you,� I said once the doors had closed.
�I know but you�re not going to your room. We�re going to my room and we�re going to talk,� he told me.
�What if I don�t want to go to your room?� I asked.
�You don�t have to but I really wish you would.�
I thought about that. It was obvious to the world that Nick and I had feelings for each other by then and it was about time those feelings were addressed. Right then was as good a time as any.
�I�ll go.�
I followed Nick to his room. Neither of us spoke until we got there. He opened the door and let me proceed him inside. The door opened on a pleasantly furnished sitting room, attached were the bedroom and bathroom. This suite though had a well stocked bar in the corner of the room.
�Do you want something to drink?� he asked.
�Water, please,� I replied.
�Ok one water coming up and I�ll have the same. Do you want yours in a glass with ice?�
�Just the bottle is fine,� I replied thinking this was such an inane, tedious conversation. It was clear he was trying to stall for time. I sat on the sofa and Nick sat next to me and handed me my water.
�Thanks,� I said taking a sip to soothe my throat gone dry.
�You�re welcome,� he said taking a sip as well.
�I guess we should talk,� I said. This was the first time I�ve ever felt nervous around Nick. It was highly unsettling. We sat silently for another minute before Nick responded.
�Can I ask you something?� he said turning to face me.
�Ask away,� I replied.
�Do you have feelings for me? And if you do, why push me away all this time?�
�I thought I already explained all this to you.�
�Humor me.�
�Ok. . . . I do have feelings for you. I care about you very much. The reason I pushed you away was because I was afraid.�
�What were you afraid of?�
�Your lifestyle. . . and all that comes with it. If we started seeing each other and if we got serious I would be subjected to public scrutiny like a lamb to the slaughter. Everyone would pick at our relationship especially since we�re �interracial�.�
�So are you afraid of dating someone outside your race or are you afraid of dating a celebrity?�
�I�m not afraid of dating outside of my race and you�re not exactly that. My father is white. The public probably won�t know or see that, not immediately. They�ll find out eventually. Your fans have a strange knack for finding things out. I�m one of them and even I�m surprised sometimes.�
�You�re getting off the subject. Are you afraid of dating a celebrity?�
�I think I am. Ok hear me out. You revealed your feelings for me on the heels of Jessica�s downfall and I was afraid that I might meet the same fate. I knew-�
�I think that would only happen to you if you did what she did. You don�t plan on doing that do you?�
�No and don�t interrupt me.�
�Ok sorry.�
�I knew I would never do anything as selfish and cruel as what she did but what if something else happened?�
�Like what?�
�I don�t know. I know some of the fans will hate me just because I�m not them. Because of that my actions in public will have to always be pleasant, even if I don�t feel like it.�
�What do you mean by that?�
�Well. . . . what if we have a fight and some fan happens to witness it. To them it will look like I�m being a bitch. Then I�m labeled as Nick�s bitchy girlfriend. Or I�m having a bad day and just don�t feel like being bothered. Then I�m Nick�s mean girlfriend. The way I see it, it�s hard being a Backstreet girlfriend. You guys always come off as being perfect but the girlfriend is almost always evil. Even if you�re the one being a jerk.�
After a pause Nick replied saying,
�Come here,� as he patted the spot right next to him. I moved closer to him. He closed the space between us and drew me into his embrace, his arms wrapped around me from behind.
�How does this feel?� he asked.
�Pretty nice. You make a good cushion,� I said. My back was to his chest so I couldn�t see his face.
�Thanks. Listen, I can�t promise you that none of that is going to happen. Even if I wanted to, I couldn�t promise you that. You might be labeled the bitchy girlfriend if you were happy all the time and no one ever saw us fight. It�s just the way it is. I�ll admit there are times when I wish I weren�t famous at all. Sometimes, I think about just picking up and leaving the business all together and what that would be like.�
�Really? I�d never expect that of you, Brian maybe even Howie but, not you. What would you do? What would you do that didn�t involve your face in all the newspapers and magazines?�
�I don�t know. . . . . open a chicken farm.�
�Open a chicken farm?� I laughed.
�I don�t know. My point is nothing is going to stop them from talking about you, me or us. You just have to learn to ignore it. Plus all of the fans aren�t all that bad. Brian likes to think of them as overprotective. They don�t want to see us get hurt. You just have to take the good with the bad. If you stick with me there�ll be more good than bad, that I can promise you. I can also promise you that if I�m the one being a jerk and the fans start to pick on you, I�ll let them know that it�s me they should be mad at,� the last he said snuggling against my neck. I smiled at the sensation of his lips brushing softly against my skin and laughed softly to myself. I liked this best about the friendship I had with Nick. I liked that we could sit down and just talk about things so frankly. I hoped to carry that into whatever relationship we might have. Something was prickling me in the back of my mind though. I just had to know about that blonde and the redhead.
�You present a very good argument Mr. Carter,� I started. Then, �Well it�s my turn to ask the questions.�
�Ok, what do you want to know?�
�Well do you remember back in Oklahoma City. . . . when I came up to your room for something but I told you it was nothing and left?� I asked.
�Uuhhh. . . . no,� he replied.
�Oh come on, yes you do. There was a blonde and a redhead with you. You practically chased me down the hall.�
�Oh yeah ok I remember. What about it?�
�Did you. . . . sleep with them?
He didn�t say anything so I turned to look at his face. He gave me a funny look and then started to laugh.
�What�s so funny?� I asked.
�Well,� he started once he got control of himself. �The blonde was a friend of my sister�s. They lived next door to us before they moved. The redhead is her college roommate.�
�Oh Nick, you didn�t sleep with your sister�s friend, did you?� I asked sitting up.
�What? No! I wanted to prove a point but I wouldn�t go that far. Why in the world would you ask that?�
�Because when I came to the door before I could knock it opened and they were standing there. Then I hear you yell at them, �Don�t forget the condoms because we�re going to need them!�,� I explained. Nick burst into more peals of laughter.
�Now what�s so funny?�
�Ok well when you saw them they were leaving but they were going to come back for the show. Heather, that�s the blonde, and I were talking about how when she was younger she had a huge crush on me. She�d follow me around when I was home, she wrote our names together on her notebook and everything. So, I was teasing her and saying how she only came to visit me so she could get into my pants. Then when they were leaving Kate, that�s the redhead said something about stopping by a drugstore before the show and that�s when I said what you heard.�
�Oh well. . . . I feel like a total idiot,� I moaned dropping my face into my hands.
�It�s ok, I think they were more embarrassed than you. What did you say to them?�
�I acted like I was looking for another room,� I replied.
�Good one. I think that once I came out of the room and chased you down the hall it was obvious that you had the right room, though.�
�Yeah pretty much.�
�Just curious, why did you come up there?�
�I was going to tell you that I have feelings for you. . . . but then those girls came out of your room and after all the rumors I had been hearing I didn�t know what to think.�
�That�s why you shouldn�t listen to rumors.�
�That�s beside the point, right now. Once I saw those girls and heard what you said, I figured there�s definitely no room for me.�
�Aren�t you glad you were wrong?�
�I am,� I replied. Then, �You know, I think I will stick with you. Just one thing.�
�And what�s that?�
�Can we keep us. . . our relationship between you and me until the buzz over Jessica dies down. Who knows maybe J. Lo will divorce and marry again or Brad and Jennifer will announce that they�re expecting. That should divert some attention,� I said sinking back into his embrace.
�Yeah we can do that,� he said snuggling closer.
�Uuuummm. . . . you know you still smell like the gym, right?�
�What are you saying?�
�I�m saying. . . . you stank!�
He started to laugh and then dropped a kiss on my head.
�I�ll go take a shower,� he said getting up and heading for the bathroom.
�Good thinking,� I said. He shot me a huge grin before going into the bathroom. Then I thought, Ooohh Alexis, you�re seriously falling for this pop star.
