“Insane In The Brain” by Richard Cheese

[ Chris Naggs:] So Chris you ready.

[ Chris Staggs:] Ready as a cat sleeping on a television with MTV Cribs on.

[ Chris Naggs:] Umm right.

[ Chris Staggs:] What?

[ Chris Naggs:] What you said made no sense.

[ Chris Staggs:] I make dollar dollar bills yall

[ Chris Naggs:] Have you taken your medicine?

[ Chris Staggs:] Maybe.

[ Chris Naggs:] Go take some more.

 

...Questioning Brotherhood Qualifications...

What qualifies some one to being considered a brother? What exactly makes people think they are brothers? You take a quick glance at Chris Staggs and JD Lawson then you see that they aren't brothers. That is when you have to look deeper into the past of the two and the similarities are scary. First we start off with the federations both men found a niche in the federation they arrived in after the CWA. JD Lawson became a two FWF World Champion and it appears that is more important thing on his mind right. Anyway Chris Staggs became the longest SWF TV Champion and is a former SWF World Champion.  They have been in federations together, but this is the first time they have ever have build some type of history. JD Lawson the similarities aren’t only in the federations, but they are similarities in the development in each as a wrestler. Both guys went through different things to find who they are unfortunately Chris Staggs found out he is a six year old.

[ Chris Staggs:] I AM NOT!

 Anyway JD Lawson you have went through changes too...We all remember The KING, then you had JDTV, couple months ago Samuel Emerson. I know what you are thinking JD; you thinking that doesn't mean we are alike. Well brothers look out for each other right? Now JD remind me who exactly helped Chris Staggs gets his foot into the door of the FWF? Who was the guy who told the FWF offices to give this guy a try? Sure you can claim that Chris Staggs was different man back then, but his skills are still the same. JD, you seem more and more like a brother to Chris Staggs. You have experience similar careers; you have acted like a big brother and looked out for him. These two qualifications are that of what a brother should be. You try and deny the fact that you aren't his brother, but you can't stop the past. You can't change history. The history with JD Lawson and Chris Staggs is there. The qualifications for you two being brothers are growing. So now JD you want to put a match on the final determination. You want to teach tough love to your younger brother. You want to put a chance that you will have to accept that he is your brother. Are you ready to deal with that JD? Are you ready to have Chris Staggs as your brother? Of course you are. You have been preparing for this to happen the last year or so.

 ...Random Thoughts on JD Lawson...

He is just a retard. He is an idiot. This whole thing is moronic. Yeah keep telling yourself these things. Though JD I would have thought someone that is a two time FWF World Champion would know not underestimate Chris Staggs. I would have thought someone wouldn't underestimate someone who holds victory over you. JD Lawson you want to continue to play Chris Staggs as not a threat to your SWF National title, and then by all means go ahead and do it. You want to spend most of your time focusing on winning the FWF World Champion then go right ahead and do it. This will make Chris Staggs's upset that much more possible.  Now you question what Chris Staggs is doing this match for. You ask if he cares about the SWF National Title or being your brother. Does it really matter JD? This just gives Chris Staggs more incentive to win the match while all your time and energy is focused on beating some guy who magically appeared from his grave. Good luck beating Ranma Christ. Anyway JD Lawson you can continue to act like Chris Staggs is nothing more than an annoyance. You can try that approach, but you know that Chris Staggs is probably the biggest threat for your SWF National title. You know that this "retard" can bring it when it comes to wrestling. It hasn't prevented Chris Staggs from compiling a large winning streak coming into the upcoming match and to think this streak included a victory over you when Chris Staggs and Tommy Grady climbed the ladder and defeated the defunct Propaganda. I guess that proved that the truth is nothing more than an annoying commercial. JD, this retard is showing you that a short bus actually can actually out run a regular bus. You see JD, in Chris Staggs's mind this match is more meaningful than the SWF National Title cause titles aren't exactly high on Chris Staggs's priorities. This simple-minded fool has come up with this logic that you two are brothers. He just wanted to learn from you JD. This is where your paranoia kicked in and you took his niceness the other way. You challenge Chris Staggs to a match. That was the wrong move JD. That was almost a certain lost for you. Why am I so confident? What does Chris Staggs have to lose in this match? So he loses you are not his brothers. Things are back to normal. On the other hand JD, if you lose that means you lose the most prestigious title in the SWF to a retard, but now you have lost twice to a retard in the SWF. These things will not look good if you are the last FWF World Champion. You have painted yourself into a corner. You see JD; this is why Chris Staggs is known as the idiotic mastermind. He plays the role of the idiot so perfect that it lulls the opponents into making foolish choices. I guess even veterans of the wrestling world can't help but fall for the idiotic mastermind's trap. Don't get me wrong JD; Chris Staggs probably thinks you are his brother. So JD now what are you going to do? What are you going to do when this short bus destined superstar defeats you for your title? Will you slip and fall then come back as Samuel Emerson? After all your entire career will be not worth much anyway. Why not bring back a failed gimmick? It makes sense. JD Lawson, I shouldn't go that far and say that your career will be over if you lose to Chris Staggs, because Chris Staggs has defeated many wrestlers as the idiotic mastermind. Though he has never won on a pay per view. He has suffered at least one loss during each pay per view since his return.  So will you be the guy that ends that streak. You will be lower than Hen?! A2?!  Personally JD I wouldn't show up after that. If can't accomplish what Hen or A2 did then that is a sure sign that you are past your prime. JD, you are backed into a corner, what do you do? Do you accept defeat or do you come out wining. Personally I think you should choose the first option.

... Summing It Up ...

This match is determined by four to five words. The whole idea of the match is to get your opponent to say this magic phrase to be considered a winner. The match I will admit seems to be in your favor JD. You have to use a little wit to win this match, but with Chris Staggs you always have to expect the unexpected. You never know what he will do to win the match. That is the x factor in your plan. That is the main problem for you. What will that x factor do? Will it give you the solution or will it fuck you up. Sunday I guess we will see.

[ Chris Staggs:] We have to do MATH!?

No.

[ Chris Staggs:] You just said something about match.

Trust me, there is no math.

[ Chris Staggs:] Good, cause surprisingly I am not good math.

You're kiddin'

[ Chris Staggs:] I know...the long division gets me every time.

Okay.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

Are you done?

[ Chris Staggs:] A cake is done, I am finished!!! EWWWWWW I GOT YOU!!!

Sure you did.

[ Chris Staggs:] I'm smarter than you!!! HA!

Shoot me now.


( Camera opens up with Chris Staggs who is seen walking toward the hotel room as Chris Naggs is trying to stop him, but Chris Staggs will have nothing to do with it. Chris Staggs continues on into the lobby of the hotel as Chris Naggs finally gets Chris Staggs to stop by points out his shoe it untied. )

[ Chris Naggs:] What do you think you are doing.

[ Chris Staggs:] Around the tree, and through the loop the bunny goes!!! YAY!!...What did you say?

[ Chris Naggs:] Ugh, What day you think you are doing.

[ Chris Staggs:] Going to ask JD Lawson to give me some blood.

[ Chris Naggs:] You can't do that.

[ Chris Staggs:] Why?

[ Chris Naggs:] Cause it against the rules.

[ Chris Staggs:] What rules?

[ Chris Naggs:] The promo rules.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!?

[ Chris Naggs:] Yes.

[ Chris Staggs:] Then how am I suppose to get his blood.

[ Chris Naggs:] You could forget this idea.

[ Chris Staggs:] But it is my only idea.

[ Chris Naggs:] Can't you think of another one.

( Chris Naggs realizes what he just said )

[ Chris Naggs:] Maybe I can help you think of new way to prove you and him are brothers.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] You could prove that you two are alike.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Well can you think of anything you two have in common?

[ Chris Staggs:] We both love Scooby Doo.

[ Chris Naggs:] I don't think so.

[ Chris Staggs:] Uh huh, He has the complete DVD set.

[ Chris Naggs:] You know you shouldn't be lying.

( Chris Staggs looks sad. )

[ Chris Staggs:] We both like M&Ms

[ Chris Naggs:] Again that is what you like.

[ Chris Staggs:] He loves em' I swear.

( Chris Naggs gives him the look )

[ Chris Staggs:] Well we both are in the SWF.

[ Chris Naggs:] Umm that is too broad.

[ Chris Staggs:] BUT its true.

[ Chris Naggs:] Yeah but that doesn't mean you are brothers.

[ Chris Staggs:] We are both funny...well I am but he got the serious part of our family.

[ Chris Naggs:] Um we aren't going anywhere.

[ Chris Staggs:] Well duh, we aren't moving.

[ Chris Naggs:] Let us think of a new way to prove that you two are brothers.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Hmmm.

[ Chris Staggs:] I--GOT----AN-----IDEA!!!!!!!

( Chris Naggs rolls his eyes )

[ Chris Naggs:] What may I ask. is it?

[ Chris Staggs:] We ask my mother.

[ Chris Naggs:] You do know that you two are not real brothers.

[ Chris Staggs:] Oh yeah.

[ Chris Naggs:] Ugh

[ Chris Staggs:] Well we could always go back to the doctor and get the doctor to separate his blood from my blood.

[ Chris Naggs:] Exactly how would the doctor do that?

[ Chris Staggs:] Like I said separate my blood and his blood.

[ Chris Naggs:] How can he tell the blood apart?

[ Chris Staggs:] My blood will be the happy fun loving blood and his will be the kind of boring blood.

[ Chris Naggs:] Riiiiiiight., have you ever seen happy fun loving blood.

[ Chris Staggs:] Have you?

[ Chris Naggs:] No.

[ Chris Staggs:] Then I have.

[ Chris Naggs:] Fine, but you know that means you have to get a shot.

[ Chris Staggs:] WHOA WHOA WHHHHHHHHOA!!!! No one said anyone about shots.

[ Chris Naggs:] How did you expect them to get the blood?

[ Chris Staggs:] I don't know, well hmmm let us think of a new plan.

[ Chris Naggs:] Let us end this promo, I mean we haven't accomplished anything, but that is fine since JD seems to not be concerned with you.

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

( Chris Staggs and Chris Naggs walk toward the elevators not accomplishing anything except bad ideas. Maybe next promo they will think of something. )

[ Chris Staggs:] FO SHO!

[ Chris Naggs:] Don't talk to the description.

( END PROMO )

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