Why is it.......
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?'
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting in the pool?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threwa gun at him?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How much deeper would the ocean be, if SPONGES didn't grow in it?
How much faith does it take to be an atheist?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
I must always remember that I'm unique, just like everyone else.
I think everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that someof us don't have film.
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
If "Con" is the opposite of "Pro", then what is the opposite of "Progress"?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP?
If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"!
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the coyote has all this money to build all these inventions why can't he just buy some food?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If they arrest the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
If they can make this bamboo car for Gilligan to drive around why can't they fix the boat?
If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars haveparking lots?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, Does he become disoriented?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
No one ever says it's only a game when their team is winning.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
So what's the speed of dark?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?
What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?
What do they do with the little pieces of metal they punch out of flutes?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
What was Casper the friendly ghost before he died?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
What's another word for synonym?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag, and put garments in a suitcase?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to "CURE" it?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it called a HAMBURGER, when it's made out of BEEF?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a"near hit"?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Would a fly that loses its wings be called a walk?
You know how most packages say "Open here". How do they know where you are?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.