Senaturd Jokes
The Sens were having trouble with there goaltending one year and the coach decided to send the teams starting goalie (Lalime) to see the eye doctor. Later that day the coach made an announcement to his players. "Well I have some good news and some bad news" he said. "the good news is Patrick agreed to go to the eye doctor, the bad news is he has 20/20 vision."
Canadian Temperature Chart 1. 50� Fahrenheit (10� C) Californians shiver uncontrollably Canadians plant gardens. 2. 35� Fahrenheit (1.6� C) Italian cars won't start, Canadians drive with the windows down. 3. 32� Fahrenheit (0� C) American water freezes, Canadian water gets thicker. 4. 0� Fahrenheit (-17.9� C) New York City landlords finally turn on the heat, Canadians have the last barbecue season. 5. -60� Fahrenheit (-51� C) Mt. St. Helens freezes, Canadians Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door. 6. -100� Fahrenheit (-73� C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole, Ottawa canal opens for skating. 7. -173� Fahrenheit (-114� C) Ethyl alcohol freezes, Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg. 8. -460� Fahrenheit (-273� C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops, Canadians start saying "cold eh?" 9. -500� Fahrenheit (-295� C) Hell freezes over. Ottawa Senators win Stanley Cup.
How do you get Senator players into the corners? Start a fight at center ice!
Mats Sundin, Scott Pellerin, Terry Yake, and Daniel Alfredsson are all in front of St. Peter. He says to Mats Sundin, "You were one of the greatest forwards of all time. It was wonderful to watch you play. You get a Cadillac to drive around heaven in." Next St. Peter turns to Pellerin. "You were a good player, and fun to watch. You get a Chevy to drive around heaven in." Up next is Yake. "You really didn't do much. You weren't terrible, but you were a long way from great. You get a Hyundai to drive around heaven in." Last, St. Peter turns to Alfredsson. "Here, you get a skateboard."
How come the Ottawa Senators don't drink coffee? Because they don't have any CUPS!!!!!
Two guys from Ottawa die and wake up in hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks, "Isn't it hot enough for you?" They reply, "'Well, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit eh". The devil decides they aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, there they are, still in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?" Again they reply, "Well, like we told ya, we're from Canada, land of ice and snow, and we're just happy for a chance to warm up a little, eh." This gets the devil steamed up. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. People are wailing and screaming. He finds the two Canadians in light jackets, grilling sausages and drinking beer. The devil is astonished. "Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves." The two Canadians reply, "We don't get much warm weather in Ottawa. We've just got to have a cook-out when the weather is THIS nice." The devil is furious, and decides to turn all the heat off in hell. The next morning, icicles are everywhere, people are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles. He finds the two Canadians back in their parkas, toques and mittens. But now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men! The Devil is dumbfounded. "When I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?" The two guys from Ottawa look at the devil in surprise, "Don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Sens have won the Stanley Cup.
Ottawa's Success Explained Pat Quinn and Jacques Martin were having an argument one day about who's team really is better. Martin proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds. "Very well," Quinn. "But you realize, that I've got all the good players. "I know, and that's all right," Martin answered. "I've got all the Referees!"
Daniel Alfredsson knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. 10 times a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at him, and said, "Daniel, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
Q: How are the Sens like a whale? A: They're both helpless when surrounded by ice.
A kindergarten teacher goes into class in the morning. Sits down the kids on the carpet and asks each kid what their dads� job is. Tim says" My dad is a firefighter" Britney says "My dad is a cop" and the jobs go on and on. When the teacher gets to Johnny she asks what his dad does and he says "He is a male lazy bum who sits around doing nothing all day except watching T.V. and eating. So, he has no job.� The teacher was very surprised to hear this so she made all the other kids go and play. She then asked Johnny if that was the job his dad actually had and he replied "No, he actually plays for the Ottawa Senators and I was too embarassed to say"
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