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Real quick, no I did not run from my feelings. I've just been putting them down somewhere else so I wouldn't have to bother you with mindless drivel. Alas, I just had to put this one down. This one...is a killer.
Once again, it is me, and once again, it is her. I welcome you all back to the blog just to take you back to a familiar subject.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It's a mixture of loneliness, and kinship and friendship that makes me a blithering fuck when it comes to her. I'm so smitten for someone who doesn't want me.
I'll hear depressing love songs, like I'm doing now; and I'll think about her. And the funny part that I've realized is that if she were to hear the same songs, she'd think of someone else other than me.
And worst of all is that I'll experience something when I think about her, or after I've just talked to her, and all of a sudden it becomes a sign to me. And I've now come to the conclusion that I'm completely stupid.
I'll feel like dedicating a song to her, or sending her a belated Valentine's Day card with that poem I wrote for her; [Poem] and then it hits me. She's got someone else. She's got someone she's happy with, despite all her complaints and bitching. She's got someone who's supposed to do romantic things for her and send her gifts. IT'S NOT MY JOB!
No matter how much I feel like it, I have to resist. She's made her decision. I should save my feelings for someone who wants them. I shouldn't want to make her feel loved and special, because that's why she has him. I should just SHUT THE FUCK UP.
She once asked me what surprises could I possibly still have in me, since she knows me so well. I guess she'll never know.
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