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| YOU COULD BE INDIAN IF...... You attend a General Custer memorial dinner, and you wear an Arrow shirt. Someone inadvertently points out directions with his lips and you know exactly where he is talking about. Your head automatically turns at the sound of "shhhhhhhht" As a young child, learning your ABC's was hard because you wondered what the joke was every time you heard "A" (AAAYE) You drive over 25mph and the paint peels off your rez truck. You tell your friends that you are letting Mother Nature sand it for you before you get a paint job. You could be an Indian, and probably a breed, if you could play cowboys and Indians all by yourself as a kid. You have more aunts and uncles than your grand parents had children. All your heroes have always killed cowboys. |
| Two indian boys were hunting. After a few hours, they realized they were hopelessly lost. The first boy said, "I heard somewhere that if you fire a shot into the air someone will come to your aid." They fired one shot but nobody came. They fired again and again, to no avail. Starting to panic, the first boy said, "Try one more time." His friend replied, "Okay, but we're almost out of arrows." |
| Three Indians are sitting buck naked in a sweatlodge when suddenly a pager goes off. The one Indian from Montana presses against his forearm and the beeping stops. The other two look at him curiously and he says, "I have a pager microchip in my arm." A few minutes later, a phone starts ringing. The Second Indian from Wyoming puts the palm of his hand against his ear and starts talking. When he is finished, he says, "I have a phone microchip in my hand." The third Indian guy from New Mexico (feeling a bit out of character) leaves the sweatlodge for a few minutes and returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his ass. The other two guys look at him curiously and he says, "I'm receiving a FAX." |
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| An Indian man has spent many days crossing Montana without water. His horse dies of thirst. He's crawling through the grass, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the dirt, and discovers what looks be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a Bureau of Indian Affairs badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust a B.I.A. employee." "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It looks like you're a goner anyway!" The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were on a lush reservation with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** The man finds himself on the most beautiful rez he has ever seen, surrounded with jugs of Rum and platters of delicacies. "OK, kid, what's your second wish." "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my Chiefs wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. "OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one! After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful Indian women will want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon. The moral of the story? If the Bureau of Indian Affairs offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached! |